37. APRIL
APRIL
My blood boiled. What a pompous ass! Are you with Moose?
I mocked his voice in my head. I should have yelled, yes!
But I wasn’t a liar. I had RSVP’d months ago with the intention of bringing Nora, but she got the promotion she wanted and unfortunately the timing of it was terrible.
She was sent out of town to interview an up-and-coming band.
We had hoped she might be back before the start of it, but no such luck.
Moose and I were talking after practice the other day about the gala and he admitted he didn’t have a date.
I did, too. He was rather surprised and told me he thought I might have been going with Josh, since he had seen us getting “chummy”, he smirked when he said it.
It stung for a moment, because I had wanted to go with Josh, but that wasn’t in the cards and I refused to crumble.
It would be ridiculous over a fake relationship.
Even if every fiber of my being screamed there was nothing fake about it.
Instead, I took Nora’s advice and acted as if I was completely fine with it.
Sure, during our situationship I maybe let the thoughts of coming with Josh play out, but I guess that was too far into the future, as usual.
So, I asked Moose to be my date for the gala tonight.
And to be honest, up until that stunt Josh pulled, I was having a great time.
Friendly, but not flirty, and that suited me just fine.
We danced, had some champagne, and great conversations with everyone.
This gala, the charity behind it, and the people who come to it, is one of the reasons I love this event.
Now, it was tarnished, thanks to my inability to walk the hell away from Josh, because despite my anger and hurt, the second he touched me, I flushed.
My stomach clenched and the little butterflies I kept ignoring were fluttering.
I wished I knew how to turn it off, but I didn’t.
Instead, I walked, no, stormed away and out into the crowd hoping to avoid him.
“April. Wait.” I heard the large, heavy steps of Moose jogging up behind me. “You okay? What happened?”
“It’s fine,” I lied.
His eyebrows knitted together, like he was deciding whether to call my bluff or not. He took me by the elbow, guided me over to the bar, and ordered us both water.
“I dunno what’s been going on with you and Josh lately, but I do know you’re both hiding something.
And I’m not the only one.” He subtly nodded towards the coach, who was glaring at me before his wife tapped his shoulder to bring his attention back to the group he was standing in.
I bit my lip, tucked my chin down, and took in two large, deep breaths to calm my nerves.
I had to get a grip and not let him affect me.
“It’s fine. It will be fine.” I think.
“How about another drink?”
“God, yes!” I chuckled.
We headed over to the standard corner bar and took our places against the countertop, waiting for service.
It was hard to not keep checking for Josh, despite how many times I had.
I was surprised to see that he had come alone.
Did a small part of me feel guilty I alluded Moose was my date?
No. It was none of his business anymore.
Our deal was over. He’d won the bet and I’d got my family off my back.
Last night, I called my mom and told her we were taking a break when she asked if “we” would be coming for Thanksgiving dinner. She tried to hide the disappointment in her voice for my sake, which was shocking.
My traitorous eyes darted around one more time, landing on Josh scowling at his table.
Damn it, why did he need to be so fucking handsome?
His custom-fit suit jacket slung over the back of his chair, his white dress shirt was barely holding in his muscles as his elbows rested on the table.
His glass was so tightly gripped in his hand, he could probably crack the glass if he wasn’t careful.
Just then, I felt Moose’s hand brush against my arm as he reached around and led me over to a group of donors that were apparently very excited to meet the team member who “kept the guys in check.” And that was exactly what tonight was about, pleasing the donors to help our charity causes.
Tonight’s benefit was for our local children’s hospital, which no one would ever deny was one of the utmost important causes.
Despite my surly attitude toward Josh, his constant gazes still made me feel as if he was debating between spanking me or tearing my clothes off.
Both of which were appealing options. Stop it!
This is not the right time or place for your messed up confliction.
I gave my head a small shake, as if to clear away the obvious brain fog I was struggling with.
Like, seriously, get a grip! He brought up the breakup right after he won.
That was exactly the plan. And that single thought had me snapping out of it.
My heart felt heavy, but I refused to dwell on it any longer.
It was time to let it all go and focus on the group of donors in front of me, to see if we could raise that number we were climbing to all night.
Despite my best attempts, my peripheral vision kept catching on Josh’s stolen glances.
I was overly intrigued when I caught Millie sitting next to him.
Her expression was slightly concerned as she glanced over at me.
There was something in her gaze that had me pause and watch them, almost as if she was telling me she’d fix this.
A glimmer of hope bloomed in my chest. For the first time in my life, I wished I was a fly on the wall.
I watched her turn to him and whatever she was saying, had him sunk in his chair with his chin tucked down, as if he was a one of her kids being scolded.
Watching him squirm in his chair was slightly amusing.
It was then he glanced up and caught me staring between them.
Our eyes locked and for a split second, I wished he would just get up and come over here, that I’d talk to him and joke around like we used to.
I think I missed that most. Somehow, over the past six weeks, in the midst of it all, we’d developed an unlikely friendship, and I was missing it, afraid that I might never get that back.
Moose nudged me gently after I zoned out mid conversation.
My eyes darted away from Josh and Millie, and back to the tall gentleman with a suit that was perfectly tailored.
He wore a five o’clock shadow well and his features were symmetrical to his face.
He was handsome. He was also smiling at me.
How long had he been smiling at me? What was it he said? Shit, I zoned out.
“She is the top physio for the team and amazing at her job. She’s my boss,” Moose declared, playfully elbowing me.
“Oh, that’s great. I’m sorry, I thought…you were just a date.” His voice trailed off and his eyes had a sudden interest in his expensive loafers.
“Happens all the time.” I smiled brightly, not wanting to ruin the mood.
This was an important night and having someone who seemed important be shamed, probably wasn’t the right direction we needed to go in.
Besides, it was nice that Moose stood up and corrected the guy.
The group broke into smaller conversations, allowing me to slip away with the excuse of needing the restroom.
I just needed a minute to escape Josh’s gaze.
It was burning a hole through the back of my head.
The night was almost over, I told myself as I fixed a flyaway hair that was annoying me.
Just as I was ready to make my exit, a large hand pressed against my back. “Interested in a dance?”
When I glanced over, I was surprised to see the gentleman from earlier.
“Let me make it up to you?” he asked in the sexiest tone I’d heard in a while.
Could one dance hurt? It’d probably help us out, my inner dialogue chimed in for moral support.
My stomach was flipping on the inside. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was already guiding me out to the floor or if it was because I may have snuck a glance at Josh, who was staring at us.
Josh glared like he was about to jump over the table and rip me out of this guy’s arms. Not going to lie, it was kind of hot.
There was something about jealousy on a man that was off the charts.
Not the psycho-murder-y kind, but the touch-what’s-mine-and-I’ll-break-you kind that you only fantasize about in books.
But seeing it in real life was about to set my insides on fire.
And for some reason, the rational part of my brain had decided to take a leave of absence and I suddenly wanted Josh to realize what he was missing.
The thumping on my door was getting out of hand. I was surprised the neighbors hadn’t put in a complaint. It was day three of him coming to see if I was home, according to Nora.
“Love his persistence.” She yawned, red-eyed, as she stumbled into the kitchen.
“Sorry.”
She shuffled over to me and sighed. “Look, I’m all for playing the goalie, but eventually, you will need to talk to him.”
My turn to sigh. “I know.”
“Can you now? At least, see what kind of bullshit he is going to spout. The old I was a fool. I need you back.” She flung herself at me for an added dramatic effect.
“He can’t have what never existed.” I shot a pointed look at her.
Her eyebrow rose. “You can say whatever you need to, but you and I both know that man had you, and there wasn’t a fucking fake thing about it.”
“Then I was a fool, because the minute he won the bet, he ended it.”
She nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t think he meant it.”
“Oh, please. It’s Josh. I’ll be replaced next week.”
“Sure, that’s why he’s here banging down our door day after day and blowing up your phone with messages you pretend don’t exist.”
Damn it. I hated when she brought logic into my righteousness. “I don’t know—”
She put her hand up and stopped me mid-sentence. “That’s just it, you don’t know. And you won’t know unless you answer the goddamn door.”
My head dropped down. “Fuck, I hate it when you do that.”
She shot me one her all-knowing grins.
“I’ll support you no matter what. Maybe, hear him out and let me know if we’re loving or hating him. M’kay?” she said, walking over to the door just as there was another knock.
“I know you’re home, April. The doorman told me you came home last night.”
“Is nothing sacred around here?” I muttered.
Nora flung the door open. “One more knock on this door and I’ll be using your nuts as a punching bag.”
He flinched. It was great.
“Don’t close the door.” He held it open with his foot.
Nora scanned him with her eyes. “You should be paying rent around here with the amount of times your name has occupied the space in the room.”
I glared at her.
“It has,” she defended.
“Go away,” I called from the hall, purposely keeping my distance because the man truly looked like shit. His hair was tussled, he was in sweats that looked like he slept in them, and God, there was something hot about it.
“Just listen. Please,” he pleaded, glancing from me to Nora.
“Your call,” she added softly.
Taking a sharp inhale, I finally breathed out, “Two minutes.”
He let out a sigh of relief. As he stepped in, I noticed the tray of drinks he had in his hand. He handed Nora a cup. “I believe you like coffee black with a touch of cinnamon.”
She took it cautiously.
He handed a cup to me. “Latte.”
“Thanks.” I accepted it. I wanted to refuse it and leave it on the counter to prove a point, but let’s be honest, I freaking loved this place and the fact he went out of the way just added to it. Not that he could know that.
“Can I come in please?”
“No.”
He ran his hands violently through his soaked hair. “First, let me say, I’m sorry. And second, you’re already pissed off, so I’m not sure it can get worse.”
“Nice. Did you rehearse that on the way here?” I stated flatly.
He pinched the bridge of his nose before bringing his gaze up to mine. The way his eyes pinned me, like he saw right through all of me, had me holding my breath. I put my hand up to stop him from continuing. But he didn’t stop.
“Remember the night I begged you to fake it with me? I should have said it sooner, but to be honest, I liked you. You gave me a chance to prove that I could be something, someone I wasn’t sure I could.
And you can argue that it was because we had something to gain, but I gained more than you ever would have from us.
I’ve liked you since long before that. And I never faked anything. Hasn’t it been clear?”
I thought about the calls, texts, and check-ins. Not to mention the ease of yesterday. He had been very clear and I had missed all of the signs. Guilt smacked me like a car wreck. I fiddled with my hands. “I guess, I didn’t realize.”
Josh let out a long sigh. “Guess I should up my game then, huh?”
I chuckled nervously to break the tension. “It’s not you. I just haven’t had anyone treat me as nice as you and I guess, I missed the signs.”
“That’s shitty. And worse, that I treated you just like them at the end, but I’m telling you now. I’m not going anywhere. And I may have screwed up, I’ll have to live with that regret, but I can’t lose you even if it means as just a friend.”
“A friend?”
“That’s what we were before.”
“That’s a stretch.” But then I swallowed hard, thinking back to all the late-night conversations long before our bet.
He’d always come to see me before or after the game, the travel days—he was gone every one of the away games.
Heck, he even told me the cities and suggested we meet up and I never wanted to because I thought he was kidding. How did I not fucking clue in?
“I’m sorry, April.”
“Me too.” Was all I could muster.
He stepped back, surprising me. “I’ll see you tomorrow and every day after that. But don’t freeze me out anymore.” His eyes cast down, before finding mine, and there was something in them, he was broken. “I can’t handle not having you.”
A lump formed in my throat. My words lost under it. He gave me a small smile and left.
It must have been five minutes before I could move from the spot I was standing in. His confession took me by surprise and yet, he just left. And now I was left trying to figure out what to do. What I wanted for once. And truly, I had no idea.