8. Cam
Tabby gapes at me. “Wait. What?”
Then she squeals and claps her hands together. She bounces on her toes. Then she bends over, clutching her chest. When she stands, her pupils are so dilated—and she’s acting so weird—I worry the corset has done more damage than she’s willing to admit.
“How?” she grabs me by my wet T-shirt then grimaces. “I’m sorry.”
I take her hands in mine. “Breathe,” I say, as much for myself as to get her to calm down.
Fear is just excitement without the breath, I tell myself. I’m going to tell her. This is it. The book club ladies said the Duke should grow some balls, and he’s about to.
First, I’ll admit that I love her and always have. Then, assuming she feels the same way, I’ll come clean about being Amelia Cameron. Tonight made it crystal clear that taking the next step with Tabs is more important to me than signing a new contract with the publisher.
We inhale and exhale together three times. She’s finally looking less crazed.
“Cam, you can’t have a copy. The publisher always sends ARCs to the library, but we haven’t gotten them yet. There hasn’t even been a release date announcement. All we’ve heard is that it’ll be sometime in September.”
“Well…” I grab my glass of wine to wet my throat, which is suddenly drier than snuff, but Tabs speaks again.
“Have you read it?”
I nod and open my mouth.
She presses her palm against my lips. “Don”t say anything,” she practically shouts. “No spoilers.”
I breathe in the scent of her fingers, and my lips part, eager to kiss her.
“I said no talking!” She presses her thumb under my chin to close my mouth. “You cannot say a word until I”m done reading the entire thing!”
She runs from the kitchen to the living room, where my laptop is sitting on my desk.
Shit. Shit. Shit. It’s not formatted as an ARC, and the manuscript is open.
“No! Don’t touch my computer!” I reach her arm before her fingers touch my keyboard and bring the screen back to life. “If you touch it, the system will see me and put through a support request.”
The lie is out of my mouth before I even realize I’m talking. I am so screwed.
Tabs freezes. I gently pull her away from my desk and turn her to face me.
“I promise, I won’t say anything about the story. But you have to let me talk. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for… forever, Tabs.” I lead us to the couch, sit sideways crossed-legged, and pull her down to face me. She looks at my feet and smiles at my “I like big books and I cannot lie” socks.
Then she hugs herself, her expression pained. “There’s actually something I need to tell you, too. I think. I’m not sure. I’m kind of freaking out.”
No shit.She hasn’t been acting like herself since we got back to the apartment. I’d just been too caught up with telling her the truth.
I blow out a hard breath, suddenly grateful for the reprieve. “Ladies first?” It’s an asshole move made by a coward.
She looks into my eyes so deeply, with so much intention, I feel like she’s trying to communicate psychically.
I place my hand on her knee. She gasps. “Tabs, it’s okay. Tell me.”
I have never wanted to hold or comfort anyone as much as I want to at this moment. I have no idea what’s wrong. Tabs always tells me everything—unlike me—but then I’m the rogue who doesn’t deserve her.
I stiffen at the thought and focus all my attention on Tabs. This moment is about her.
“Relax. It’s just me.”
Her forehead wrinkles, her eyebrows pull together and her eyes get glassy. “That’s the thing, Cam. It’s not just you. I mean, it is just you. I mean, it’s only you. I think. For me, I mean.”
My heart nearly stops. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. All I can do is put my free hand over my heart, our silent signal to let each other know that they’re safe.
Tabs mimics me. “I know. It’s just, what if… ” she looks from my hand to my face, “Cam, I think… maybe… I might be in love with you.”
I gape at her. “You…”
Her cheeks flush, and she starts to pull away from me. I don’t give her a chance to change her mind. I yank her toward me then cover her lips with mine.
It’s nothing like the scene I wrote between the Duke and Gabriella. It’s nothing like the first kiss I’ve spent years imagining.
It’s so much better.
Tabs melts into me like the two of us were always meant to share this moment right here.
Her lips feel soft and pliant against mine. In The Duke’s Treasure, I wrote she tastes like honey, but in real life she tastes like heaven and perfection and my best friend all rolled into one.
I thread my fingers through her hair, and she moans against my lips. That sound sets my entire being on fire.
I’d read about this moment in countless novels—I’ve written it myself. The Library Journal said that the Duke and Gabriella’s first kiss was the most realistic, swoon-worthy kiss of the decade, but I realize that every word I wrote is utter bull.
Reality… reality with Tabs is a million times better.
“I want this,” she whispers. “I want you.”
And this is it. I can finally claim her—exactly the way I wrote the Duke claiming Gabriella in The Duke’s Prize, the last book in the series, the one I just finished writing. The one I want Tabs to read.
The thought stops me dead. If we have sex before she knows the truth, she’ll kill me. I start to pull away, but she grabs my still-damp shirt and yanks me to her.