Chapter 10 #3
Brody slammed the lid of his laptop shut. “That was uncalled for, Daniel.”
“I don’t know what sort of internalized bullshit you are dealing with, babe, but you keep it away from me.”
He looked at his roommates, wide eyes meeting their glares. He cringed thinking over what he’d said and slapped a hand over his face. “Fuck, Casey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You better not have because that was some nasty shit. Like no fiber, post-weekend-long bender shit.” Casey pointed the sharp end of his nail file at him, which might have been threatening if it wasn’t covered in multicolored flowers.
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said again. “I mean I kind of meant it. Not about you,” he quickly amended at the look they both gave him. “About me. There’s this guy I’ve been talking to, but I don’t know who I’m kidding. He wouldn’t want to actually be with me.”
After setting his laptop on the coffee table, Brody put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “We’re all worthy of love.”
Daniel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. That’s great when you’re in a therapy session, but in the real world? Who do we know that has a successful relationship and is in sex work?”
“Stop raining on my delusional parade. It happens,” Casey insisted. “Cam boy Cameron has been dating a guy for almost a year now, and Big Rick has been doing porn for twenty years and has a long-term partner.”
“It might have worked for them, but I just don’t see it happening with me.”
“And why not? Does this guy know about your job?” Brody asked. When Daniel reluctantly nodded, he continued, “Did he say he has a problem with it?”
Daniel let out a breath. “He knows, but we haven’t talked about it. It hasn’t been an issue yet, though, because I’ve been working the hotel’s bar since we met.”
“Wait, what? You’re working the bar?”
“When did this happen?” Casey asked.
Daniel rubbed his palm on his cheek, realizing he hadn’t talked to his roommates much at all recently.
He spent most of his time working or on calls with Jensen.
“It’s a whole thing, but I’ve been working the bar for about three weeks now.
I’ll be going back to my actual job soon and will have to start fucking people again.
I haven’t been with anyone but him for weeks. ”
“You’ve had a boyfriend for weeks and haven’t told us?” Casey looked devastated and offended at the news.
“We aren’t even dating. He was here for a conference, and now he’s back home.
We hooked up once, outside of work, and we’ve been talking.
That’s it. He hasn’t asked me to be his boyfriend or anything, and why would he?
He’s probably just happy to get my services for free and will cut me loose when he gets bored. ”
Daniel only had a second to hold his coffee out of the way of the pillow that flew at his face.
“What’s with all this negativity?”
He shrugged, wishing he could shrug off his thoughts and fears. He wished he could continue with Jensen, being carefree and unconcerned about the future. But he was concerned about his future. He had been for a while now.
His thirtieth birthday was less than a year away, and he couldn’t imagine doing this for much longer.
Really, he was surprised he’d kept at it this long.
It was supposed to be a temporary gig that paid off his debt until he could find a career he was interested in.
Years later, he was still in debt and now had a massive hole in his résumé where he couldn’t put down his current job.
He’d gotten himself stuck, and he didn’t know how to dig himself out. He didn’t even know if it was possible.
Every once in a while, when he was feeling particularly motivated, Daniel would look online for jobs.
These stints—that usually took place in the middle of the night—only left him more disillusioned and depressed, seeing all the jobs that required a college degree and how low the others paid.
Some websites even showed how many other people had already applied for the position, which always had him pressing down on his laptop’s power button like he was trying to drown his mortal enemy.
But the real problem was Daniel was his own worst enemy.
He couldn’t blame his bad decisions on anyone else.
He was the one that had gotten himself into this mess.
Whether it was sheets, heaving chests, his own dismal life, or any of his failed relationships, Daniel was really good at making things messy.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just in a mood.” He stood from the sofa, grimacing slightly at the way his jeans stuck to his legs. “I’m going to head to the gym.”
His roommates didn’t say anything as he left the room, but he didn’t miss the concerned look that passed between them.
He wasn’t going to bring down the whole house because he was regretting his entire life.
That wasn’t fair to them, and they hadn’t signed up to deal with his shit.
He’d deal with this early onset midlife crisis the same way he did everything in life. Alone.