Tamsin
Demyan carried the three large boxes into the café and places them on the counter.
“Eduard told me the place would be closed,” he says. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t.” I place the mop back in the bucket. “I was just finishing up. It’s taken me longer than normal because I couldn’t find Rhodes.”
He looks around, counting the cats.
“He was hiding in the treat cupboard.”
Demyan nods. “Well, I better get going. Have a nice evening. Say hi to your mom for me.” He pushes his hand through his hair and nods before starting back towards the door.
“Wait,” I say, against my better judgment. “You said watching me move made you feel at peace. What did you mean.”
His head drops, but he lifts it again before turning around and offering a half shrug.
“I don’t know. Watching you makes my brain go quiet. Turns off all the demands that are firing off at once.”
“Can you dance?” I ask, and he immediately shakes his head.
“I’ve never been shown, never had occasion to learn.”
I lean the mop against the table and beckon him over. “Put one hand here,” I say, placing it on my lower back, “and one here.” I slide my hand into his. “Follow me and don’t think too hard about it.”
I pull him into a waltz until we’ve done it enough times that he slowly begins to lead me. He only steps on my foot once, and I pull him straight back into position when he tries to back off muttering about being sorry.
“You learn quickly,” I say. “How did that feel.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but to my utter surprise, a flush creeps over his cheeks. “It felt good. But that might be because I was with you.”
“Grab the bucket,” I say, heading to the front door and locking it again.
I follow him through to the back and wait for him to pour it away.
Then I rinse the sink while he takes the bucket to the back corridor.
“I met your other cousin yesterday. Mechislav. I’ve never seen such big burly men so utterly besotted by their women.
It’s next level.” I slide my coat on and grab my purse from the hook.
He huffs out what might be a laugh.
“Yeah, that’s one way to describe it.” HE pushes his hand through his hair again and I realise he is uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry I went off the way I did the other night. I’m not going to pretend that I understand what you do or why you do it. But I should have been a little calmer and a little more respectful.”
“I don’t blame you,” he says, opening the door for me. I walk through it, and he follows, checking it’s locked by pushing back on it. “It’s just that I was born into this family and I have a duty to them. I’ve never really known anything else.”
I nod. “Yeah, I think I understand. The duty part at least. I feel a bit like that about dancing.”
“Don’t you enjoy it?” he asks, and I shrug.
“I’m not sure anymore. I feel like it will always be a part of me, but I can’t go any further with it and it’s left me feeling a little…stagnant?” I look at him to see if he understands what I mean, and he nods his head.
“That makes sense,” he says. “I think that’s how I feel with…work. Eduard said I can figure out what I want to do next and let him know and that it won’t mean I’m not part of the family anymore…but it’s all I’ve ever known.”
We are outside of my mom’s house now, and we both seem surprised to have got here so soon.
“Well,” he says. “Thanks for the dance lesson.” He gives a rueful grin and I swear my heart stutters.
“Thanks for helping me lock up.”
I’m turning to leave, even though my body seems to want to stay within his proximity, when I feel his rough hand sweep over mine and pull me back. His eyes lock onto mine as he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckle.
“IT’s okay if your dreams changed, Tamsin. No one would think any less of you.”
The breath inside my lungs wooshes from me, but I manage to nod.
“Right back at you, Demyan,” I say, and he lets my hand drop from his.
He waits right there at the end of the path until I’m inside the house and the door is closed tightly behind me.
“Sweetie, is that you?” Mom’s voice comes from the kitchen. It smells like meatloaf tonight, and my stomach rumbles.
“Yeah, mom, it’s me.”
She beckons me to the kitchen table and we eat, discussing our day with each other, but my mind keeps going back to having Demyan’s hand on my lower back, holding firmly, like he was scared I’d disappear if he loosened his grip.
“Tamsin, are you okay sweetie, you look miles away.” Mom is standing now, clearing away the table, and I stand to help her.
“Yeah, it’s just been an odd one. The café gets so busy, and then I was dancing and…”
Mom grins, “...and…” she lowers her face and peers at me over the rim of her glasses.
“Okay, fine. Things aren’t black and white and even if the Federov men have questionable careers they are obviously devoted to their wives and girlfriends.” I roll my eyes to punctuate the fact that I’m not entirely pleased that my mother was right. Or that I’ve somehow come to agree with her.
She pats my shoulder. “How bitter did that taste?” she asks with a laugh.
“Not as bitter as I was hoping,” I grumble.
We wash the dishes and clean the kitchen together, my mom doing a mighty fine job of not asking me all the questions I can tell she wants to ask.
I’m the first to crack.
“I’m attracted to him more than I thought,” I finally confess. “There’s something about him. We’ve barely even spoken but…I don’t know…I feel like we’re both in the same stage of our lives.”
“What stage is that?” Mom asks, placing the last plate into the plate rack and folding the tea towel.
“Like one chapter is closing and the other one doesn’t know how to start.”
“Ah,” she says. “Dancing?”
I nod. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” I say, surprised that my eyes are welling up and my throat feels tight. “You worked so hard to help me become a dancer but I just don’t know how much further I can take it.”
“You could never disappoint me.” Her words are firm. “And you don’t have to take it anywhere.” She holds my hand as we walk through to the living room. “You can let that part of your life be finished. It’s been glorious and wonderful and exciting, and it’s okay for it to come to an end.”
I nod as tears make tracks over my cheeks.
“And it’s okay to be attracted to a man who is scary and doesn’t necessarily align with what we expected for ourselves. No one is saying you have to marry the man.” She laughs when she says this. “And even if you did, you can always come home if things don’t go to plan.”
She squeezes my hand.
“You deserve the best of everything, Tamsin. Including the man you choose to spend your time with.”
I nod again and manage a weak smile with it this time.
“What about you?” I finally ask. “Why didn’t you go and find a handsome man to sweep you off your feet after your husband left?”
She purses her lips and looks up for a moment, gathering her thoughts.
“I was in a time of my life where all I wanted was to look after you and your brother and sister. I wanted to provide you with the best of everything because I wanted you to grow up knowing that no matter how your life started, you were deserving of everything good. I did so much research into the best ways to raise you guys. Every night, I’d stay up late learning what I could do for you because I loved you three so much.
I didn’t need a man in my life, and I wasn’t willing to risk anything going wrong with looking after you guys. ”
“You sacrificed so much for us,” I say, the tears starting again.
“No, I didn’t.” Mom shakes her head from side to side and wipes the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. “I, somewhat selfishly, chose the thing that made me the happiest woman in the world. I chose to be your mom. And I will forever thank my lucky stars.”
“Thanks, mom,” I whisper.
“Thanks, Tamsin,” she says back with a smile before pulling me into a tight hug.
“Now, enough of this. Get Demyan’s number from one of your friends and call him.
Or text him. Whatever it is you do these days.
Because even if you only get one night with that man I swear to you it will be worth it.
” She wiggles her eyebrows and begins to laugh that cackle she has when she knows she is being devious.
“Mom!” I bluster, but I’m laughing, too.