Demyan
I expected to collapse in a heap on my bed when I got home and fall straight to sleep. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Instead, I’m standing at the foot of my bed, staring at it.
The cleaner has been. She has changed the sheets to dark gray with black behind it and done that thing that makes the bed look too neat and tidy to get into.
I frown at it a little longer until my phone vibrates and I pluck it out of my pocket expecting one of my cousins has something that they need fixing.
Only it’s a number I don’t recognize and isn’t stored in my phone.
I read the message: Hey, it’s Tamsin, I hope you don’t mind, I got your number from Dee.
I quickly type back: Is everything okay?
The little bubbles jump up and down on the screen.
Then: Yes, everything is fine.
I consider responding, but what am I supposed to say?
I want her to want to talk to me, but I don’t want to scare her off, or worse…
Instead I save her number and slip my pone back into my pocket, deciding to ignore the bed for another hour or so and head into the living room.
I’ll put something on the Television until I’m too tired to keep my eyes open. That should work.
My phone vibrates again and I snatch it from my pocket quicker than I’ll ever confess to.
The stupid thing doesn’t open when I swipe my thumb over it, and I jab quickly at the numbers to enter my passcode.
Tamsin: Can we meet up?
I’ve grabbed my keys and jacket and I’m out the door before the screen even goes dark.
Twenty minutes later I’ve crossed the bridge and pulled up in the parking lot beside the community park. She is already there, standing beneath the light near the entrance, and she makes her way over to my car, climbing in when I disengage the locks.
“Hey,” I say as she slides into the passenger seat and holds her hands up to the warm air coming from the dash.
“Hi,” she says, suddenly shy.
“What’s happening here?” I ask. Trying to sound gentle, but I’ve never had cause to before so I’m not sure if it comes out that way.
She finally looks at me. “I spoke with my mom. She helped me sort through some stuff.”
“Okay.” I try not to be confused, but I’ve no idea how this has got anything to do with me.
“And with everything that’s going on in my life with work and stuff…I just…she made me realise that it’s okay to want something…different. That I wouldn’t usually go anywhere near.”
There’s no way I can hide my confusion now. “I’m not following.”
“God, Demyan, do you have to make this so hard for me?” she asks. “I like you. I’m very attracted to you. I’m not sure how that aligns with my understanding of what you do for a living…but I’d like to maybe try it out. If you still want to.”
I nod, slowly as her words start to click into place.
“Okay. Would you like to go somewhere?” I quickly rack my brains for where I could take her, and the first thought that pops into my head is the new Mediterranean place where Eduard and Sammie are. Probably not the best idea.
“Can we go to yours? Maybe watch a movie?”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Yeah, okay.”
She pulls her seatbelt on and I pull out of the parking lot.
“Tell me something about you, that’s about you, not what you do,” she says as we reach the bridge.
I think for a moment. For so long my entire life has just been the business, the Bratva. Doing as I’m told and not asking questions. It’s hard to know which parts of my life are just me.
“I bought a gym,” I say, settling on the only nugget I can find. “Eduard seems to think I’m crazy, because there’s one in my building, but there was just something about this one. So when the owner mentioned he was selling it, I put an offer in there and then.”
Tamsin nods beside me, her face highlighted by the streetlights.
“Now you tell me something about you.”
“I don’t think I want to go back to dancing. Not on the cruises or any professional capacity at least. It feels good to be off the competition circuit. But I still want to dance.”
“It sounds like dance has been a big part of your life for a long time,” I offer.
“Yeah. I thought I’d be letting my mom down if I stopped. But she said not, so…” She trails off looking down at her hands which are bunched in her lap.
“Your mom seems pretty amazing,” I say.
“She is.”
We drive the rest of the way in silence and ride the elevator from the garage to my apartment level without saying much at all.
“I’ve never been on this side of the bridge for anything other than school and dance classes,” Tamsin says as the elevator comes to a stop.
“I’ve always lived here. In the city, I mean. My cousins have all either moved or are in the process of moving to town. I’ll probably end up that way too, one day. It’s not the same being the only one on this side of the bridge.
Tamsin nods as she follows me down the hall to my apartment.
I unlock the door and push it open for her, and she walks in and kicks off her shoes and unclips her hair, letting it fall down her back in long, glossy waves.
She turns to face me.
“The living room is straight ahead, you can pick the movie.” I follow her through and she makes herself at home on the couch. I love how at ease she seems despite the earlier awkwardness between us.
She flicks through the streaming services and picks a film she thinks we’ll both like. It’s an action movie that has too much fighting in my opinion, but I nod my head when she looks at me for my opinion.
The film starts and I sit back, stretching my arm across the back of the sofa and settling into this new to me dynamic.
IT’s weird, but in a good way. There’s a low hum of anticipation buzzing inside me, like Tamsin might see me as more than just what I do.
That maybe I’ll finally be able to figure out who I am outside of the business.
She is completely engrossed in the film. I head to the kitchen fifteen minutes in and get us both a bottle of water each, and grab some chips from the cupboard.
I drop them on the coffee table when I return, and after a few minutes she takes the bag and pulls it open.
I’m not sure when or how it happens, but I fall asleep. When I wake up the movie is over and she is curled up against my side, sleeping.
I reach across the couch and pull the blanket, that’s only ever been decorative before tonight, over her. Then I let myself fall back to sleep.