Chapter 22
It’s beenthree days since Chloe’s holed up in the guest room. She’s seen Luke in passing, but has managed to sidestep any attempt at adult communication.
Is it childish? Yes, she can’t deny that.
But her head feels like a muddy mess, her hormones are set on a level 10, and she just…can’t.
Even in her own mind, it feels like a flimsy excuse.
Shortly after Luke leaves for the studio (the band is already hard at work on their next album), Chloe heads downstairs to find something for lunch. She rests a hand on her ever-growing baby bump as she muses her options.
She comes to a standstill when she sees the note on the counter. Luke’s handwriting is blocky, but fairly neat and easy to read.
Chloe,
I bought some extra chips and Goldfish for you, and some mangoes too. The books I’ve been reading say they’re good for pregnant women. Please eat some and maybe go for a walk or something. I get you need space, but it’s not healthy to be locked up in your room so much. I still want to talk when you’re ready. I think there’s a lot we need to figure out.
Luke
Something strange twinges inside her—the feeling of someone caring for her even when she’s actively pushing him away. She’s known for a long time that Luke is out of her league, what with his fame and money and talent, but he really is just too good for her.
‘What do you say, nugget?’ Chloe asks aloud, looking down at her bump. The shirt she has on cuts off enough for it to peek out, and she pulls it up some to see it better. ‘Do you want a mango?’
She settles at the kitchen table, cutting off one piece at a time as she eats. Just as she pops a piece into her mouth, her phone begins to vibrate. She glances at it, fully prepared to let it go to voicemail yet again, but pauses.
Charlie’s calling. Her stepdad never calls her. Hell, it’s a running joke in her family that Charlie can’t be relied on in an emergency because he literally never has his phone on him. He simply doesn’t use it.
Chloe considers for a moment, but ultimately relents and swipes to answer the call. ‘Hello?’
Honestly, she’s half expecting it to be her mom on the other end, so it’s a pleasant surprise when she hears Charlie’s gruff voice.
‘Chloe! Hey,’ he says. He sounds a bit surprised, and honestly Chloe can’t blame him. She’s been avoiding her mom’s calls for the past few days and she’s sure Lisa’s told Charlie all about it. ‘It’s good to hear from you.’
Chloe and Charlie have always had a…unique relationship. Her parents divorced when she was twelve and it was a few years later that Charlie came into the picture. Far too late to ever really be a father figure in Chloe’s life, they’d struck a more friend/mentor type relationship.
Well, it had taken a little while to reach that point, once he’d stuck around through enough arguments with Lisa and teenage tantrums from Chloe and managed to convince Chloe he wasn’t going to duck out like her dad did.
‘Yeah,’ Chloe responds, feeling oddly emotional. Like she has been lately, she blames that on the pregnancy.
It’s really gonna suck when she’s not pregnant anymore and can’t blame all her issues on hormones.
‘It’s nice to hear from you too,’ she tells him. ‘It feels like I’ve been gone forever.’
‘The house certainly is quiet without you,’ he replies, not unkindly. Chloe winces.
‘I’m not that bad,’ she complains. ‘You should see what Devin’s like?—’
She cuts herself off, remembering the last time she spoke to Devin. The awful things they said to each other.
Charlie, clearly sensing they accidentally broached a sensitive subject, agrees easily that Chloe was not as loud and obnoxious as she could have been and then deftly switches the conversation in a safer direction.
‘Work has been hell lately,’ he tells her.
‘Is that new kid still screwing around instead of doing his part?’ Chloe asks with a laugh.
‘Oh, actually no! I guess I haven’t had a chance to tell you,’ Charlie says with a chuckle. ‘He got fired for almost burning the warehouse down.’
Chloe’s jaw drops open. ‘No. Way!’
It’s nice, just chatting with him as she cuts up her fruit. She pops a slice of mango in her mouth, listening as he regales her with the tale of how the dumb new kid at his job snuck behind some boxes to smoke up on his break and burned thousands of dollars of merchandise.
It reminds her of all those days, sitting at the dinner table and trading annoying coworker stories with him and her mom. And it’s almost like being at home again.
‘Well, I think if I monopolize your time any longer, your mom’s gonna lose her mind,’ Charlie says after a couple minutes. ‘Here she is.’ Chloe sighs, but doesn’t argue. She should have known her mom was using him to get her on the phone.
‘Chloe?’ Lisa asks by way of introduction. Her voice is enough to make Chloe’s eyes fill with tears, like she’s a little kid whose mom can make all her problems better.
‘Hi, Mom.’
‘Hi, Mom? That’s all you’ve got for me?’ Lisa asks sharply. ‘I’ve been worried sick! You haven’t answered my calls or texts, and apparently you’re not answering Elena’s either?—’
‘You talked to Elena?’
‘Of course I did; I was worried. And Elena is, too. This isn’t like you, Chloe,’ Lisa adds softly. Chloe’s breath hitches in her chest and she starts to cry.
It feels like she’s always crying lately.
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Lisa breathes. Chloe covers her hand over her mouth, but it does nothing to stop her sobs. Her shoulders shake as she finally lets out what she’s been trying to bottle up.
It all comes spilling out like water from a faucet, and Chloe doesn’t know how to turn it off. She tells her mom about Devin coming all the way to LA for her, but then hardly giving Chloe the time of day. She tells her about the late-night trip to the police station and their blowout fight.
‘I don’t think we’re friends anymore,’ Chloe sobs. She leans her elbows on the kitchen table, crying into her hands.
She doesn’t mention anything about Luke, though everything is messed up with him too. She knows what her mom will say, and honestly right now she just wants her mom’s comfort.
‘I wish I was home,’ she chokes out between sobs. ‘I miss you. And Charlie, and Elena, and just…everyone.’
‘Sweetheart,’ Lisa coos, ‘oh honey, I know. I miss you, too. We all do.’
Chloe sniffs, loud and ugly. ‘I don’t know what to do, Mom.’
‘Well, the first thing you need to do is talk to Devin, but you know that,’ Lisa says simply. ‘You two are best friends, you have been since you were snot-nosed middle schoolers. Friends fight sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you give up on them.’
Chloe’s sigh rattles in her chest. She picks at the mango peel on her plate. ‘She doesn’t want to talk to me. She said I only think of myself, and I’m a horrible friend!’
‘You told her she causes all the problems in your life,’ Lisa rebuts.
‘She called me a slut!’ Chloe pauses. ‘Er, well, she didn’t use that word exactly. But still.’
‘Chloe Jane Cameron,’ Lisa says sharply. Chloe winces at the use of her full name—every child knows they’re in for it when Mom whips out the full name. ‘You are just coming up with excuses. I’m sure you both said nasty things to each other that neither of you meant. You should hear the stuff your aunt and I used to say in the heat of a fight. But that doesn’t mean you just give up on your friendship, on the love you have for her. Your life would be worse without Devin in it, wouldn’t it?’
‘But—’
‘Wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Chloe mutters.
‘So, you need to do something about it. Call her, track her down at her hotel, I don’t care! If she needs time, you can give her that, but don’t just let ten years of friendship crumble because of one fight.’ Lisa is firm, but kind as she lectures Chloe. A new wave of tears prick at Chloe’s eyes, for a new reason this time.
‘How can I—’ Chloe cuts off and tries again. ‘How can I do any of this without you, Mom? I’m hardly a grownup at all, I still need my mom to help me with everything. How can I be a mom and a friend and a co-parent on my own?’
Her stomach sinks because “co-parent” is not the word Chloe wants to use to refer to her relationship with Luke.
‘Honey, you’re always going to need your mom,’ Lisa says gently. ‘That doesn’t mean you’re not grown up enough. You’re going to need your friends and your support team. Needing help isn’t a bad thing. And you know I’ll always be there for you. You’ll see when you have your own baby, but you’re always going to be my little girl.’
‘Thank you, Mommy.’
‘And if you ever dodge my calls like that again, I’ll come out to California just to smack you.’
Chloe chuckles, shaking her head. ‘I get it, I get it.’
‘I know you do. But it’s hard, you being so far away.’
‘It won’t be for much longer,’ Chloe tells her. ‘I’ll be home before you know it.’
‘For how long, though?’
‘I…’ Chloe really doesn’t have an answer to that.
‘Sweetheart, Luke wants to be in the baby’s life. And you want him to be there too, right?’ Lisa asks carefully. ‘That’s why you’ve done all this—followed him on tour, spent all this time in Los Angeles. You want to work with him, for the baby.’
‘Yeah,’ Chloe whispers. She bites her lip, waiting for her mom to give voice to this issue Chloe has been purposefully avoiding for a while now.
Lisa doesn’t. She just waits for Chloe to fill the silence, the same trick Chloe’s used in the past.
‘I-I don’t know what we’ll do,’ Chloe says when she can’t take the silence anymore. ‘But I can’t just give up my whole life for him.’
‘You don’t have to,’ Lisa replies simply. ‘Who says you’d be giving up anything?’
‘I’m gonna fix all of this,’ Chloe says, purposely avoiding answering the question. ‘And then I’ll be home. You can…you can set me up with that secretary job you were telling me about.’
The job sounds boring and unfulfilling; it’s the last thing she really wants. But she has a baby on the way, and no matter how much support she has, she’s going to need to be able to stand on her own two feet at some point.
She can’t just keep relying on Luke, especially if he’s two thousand miles away.
After a quick shower and a proper lunch, Chloe heads out. She promised her mom she was gonna fix things with Devin, and she knows herself well enough to know that if she doesn’t do it right away, it won’t happen.
Still, her stomach twists uncomfortably as she climbs into her rental car.
Using the car’s built-in GPS, Chloe drives across LA (which takes way longer than 20 minutes, thank you very much) and parks in front of Devin’s hotel.
It’s nothing special—far enough from the beach and the airport so it’s affordable, but that means it’s much less swanky than other places. It’s the first time she’s actually seen the hotel Devin’s been staying in for the past month.
Yeah, maybe Chloe really hasn’t been the best friend lately.
Chloe turns the car off, but doesn’t move to get out of the car. Biting her lip, she opens up her text thread with Devin. The last texts she sent to Devin more than a week ago now sit there, just taunting her.
Text Thread: Devin Little
6:41 PM
Chloe
can you please pick an outfit? i can’t decide what to wear!!
dev?
dev??
7:24 PM
Chloe
ok whatever. i went with the pink shirt and jeans, if you cared
Chloe scrolls back through their texts over the past month. They’ve been sporadic, which makes sense because they’ve both been busy. Chloe, with doctor’s appointments and baby-shopping with Luke. Devin, with…
Shit.
Besides the very first week of their LA trip, Chloe hasn’t asked Devin once how she was doing or what she was up to. After the first few hang-out invites Devin declined, Chloe stopped asking. As Devin slowly began responding less often, then not at all, Chloe’s texts became more annoyed and less frequent.
Devin might not have been a very good friend lately, but honestly neither has Chloe.
Chloe scrolls far enough back to find Devin’s hotel information. She takes in a deep breath, and exits the car.
No one stops her as she walks into the lobby and heads straight for the elevators. It’s almost strange to be in a hotel with such lax security after weeks of staying in hotels with Reckless 3.
Devin’s staying in room 513. Chloe finds it without issue, and hesitates only a moment before knocking on the wooden door.
Nothing.
Frowning, Chloe knocks again. ‘Devin? It’s me, open up!’
Again, there’s no response. Chloe groans. Of course this is going to be harder than it already is! Chloe leans against the door, sliding until she’s sitting on the thin carpeting of the hallway.
In the end, it’s Chloe’s fault. (Again.) She knew she should have texted or called Devin before coming, but she’d been afraid of what Devin would say. Or wouldn’t say.
Chloe ignores a text from Luke—another mess she knows she needs to clean up—and pulls up Devin’s text thread again. Chewing on her bottom lip, she mulls over what to say.
Text Thread: Devin Little
Drafts
Chloe
heyy!! i was hoping we could talk
devin i know i’ve been a shitty friend recently
devin please call me i want
i am so sorry about the other night. you were absolutely right, i’ve been an awful friend and i just want a chance to make it right. please call me so we can meet up. i love you
‘Well, this is a surprise.’ Chloe starts, dropping the phone into her lap. Devin stands a little ways down the hall, paused mid-stride with a latte in her hand.
‘Hey,’ is all Chloe can think to say. She scrambles to her feet, shoving her phone into her back pocket. She swallows a lump in her throat, and says, ‘I was hoping we could talk? If you’re not busy?’
Devin’s face is unreadable. She’s barefaced today, a rare sight, indeed, with her unwashed hair in a messy bun. Honestly, she looks like crap. Clearly, Chloe’s not the only one who’s been feeling shitty these past few days.
Still, Devin can be imposing, her confidence making her feel so much larger than life. Her blank expression makes Chloe’s heart ache.
Devin’s phone buzzes in her hand. Chloe holds her breath, waiting for the curses or for Devin to shove past her and leave her alone in the hall.
‘Do you mean this?’ Devin asks, looking back up at her. Choe’s eyebrows knit together.
‘What?’
Devin holds out her phone. The text Chloe had been crafting when Devin walked up was on her phone.
‘Oh, I didn’t mean—Yes! I mean every word.’ Chloe nods furiously. She might have sent the text by mistake, but of course she means it.
Devin’s face crumples, and for a heart-stopping moment Chloe thinks she’s somehow royally fucked up yet again. Devin grabs her and pulls her into a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of Chloe’s neck.
‘I love you, too,’ Devin mumbles into her skin. ‘I’m so sorry, I was such a bitch!’
Chloe hugs her tight, her cheek resting on Devin’s head. ‘You weren’t. I’ve been so horrible to you, Dev! I’m the one who should be sorry.’
Devin pulls back, shaking her head. Her face is dry, but tears make her eyes shine. Just as she’s about to say something—to argue with Chloe’s statement, probably—a family exits their hotel room down the hall.
Children screech and scream, decked out in swimsuits and goggles for the hotel pool. Devin makes a face at them as they barrel past.
‘Let’s go inside,’ she says, ‘then we can talk.’
Devin’s hotel room is messy, but Chloe’s seen her bedroom at home enough times to not be surprised by it. Clothes litter the floor, her makeup pallets are scattered on the desk, and the bed is horribly unmade. Vaguely, Chloe wonders when the last time Devin let a maid in here was.
Devin doesn’t apologize for the mess, likely because she hardly notices it at all. The two of them settle on the edge of Devin’s bed, shoving the bedding aside.
For a moment, they both remain silent. Then?—
‘I’m sorry!’
‘God, CJ, I’m sorry!’
Devin looks like she’s going to barrel on with her apology, so Chloe holds up a hand to stop her. ‘Can I go first, please?’ She waits until Devin nods, then continues. ‘Devin, I’m so sorry. I’ve been an awful friend to you lately, so wrapped up in my own shit that I haven’t paid you any attention. You’ve been so amazing with the baby and Luke and everything else, you dropped your whole life just so I wouldn’t have to do all this alone and-and I really dropped the ball in this friendship. You were absolutely right to say what you did the other night?—’
‘No, I wasn’t,’ Devin cuts in seriously. ‘I said so much I didn’t mean. I slutshamed you! I never even thanked you for bailing me out of jail, and just let my hurt feelings lash out at you. I’m sorry, Chlo. You didn’t deserve that.’
‘I didn’t mean what I said, either,’ Chloe tells her. She grabs Devin’s hand, the one not holding her latte, and squeezes it. ‘You are one of my favorite people in the whole world, and I’m so sorry I accused you of bringing problems into my life. You make my life so much better.’
It takes a while for them both to calm down, and to really feel like they’ve apologized for everything. Chloe knows she’s going to feel guilty about this for a long time, but knowing Devin’s forgiven her feels like a weight lifted off her shoulders.
‘So,’ Chloe says, after they’ve affirmed for the third time that they’re cool now, ‘do you want to tell me what you’ve been up to this past month? What have I missed from the Devin Little Show?’
She says it jokingly, but the smile sort of fades from Devin’s face at her words. For a moment, she looks almost…devastated. It’s not a look Chloe’s ever seen on her best friend’s face before.
‘Unless you don’t want to,’ Chloe backtracks quickly. ‘We don’t need to! I just thought—you were upset I hadn’t asked and…never mind.’
Devin shakes her head, and again Chloe is struck by how tired and worn down she looks. Maybe it was selfish of Chloe to think that had been because of their fight. Maybe it was something else altogether. ‘It’s fine, CJ. It’s just been…a mess, honestly.’
Chloe waits for Devin to say more. She doesn’t want to push, doesn’t know what might be too sensitive and what is okay to push on, so she gives Devin a moment.
‘I’m in love.’
Chloe blinks. ‘Um. What?’
Devin laughs, hollow and humorless. ‘It started a while ago, I think. But I’ve been spending a lot of time with…someone since I came to LA and…Yeah, I don’t know. I dated people before, but I’ve never felt like this. It’s…everything.’
‘I can’t believe you’re dating someone and I didn’t even know,’ Chloe breathes. Devin raises an eyebrow at her. Chloe flushes. ‘Right, not about me. Sorry, go on.’
Devin shrugs and heaves a huge sigh. ‘We’re not dating, though. I don’t know. We’ve been spending a lot of time together these past few weeks, but it all kind of blew up in my face. I think—I don’t know if they feel the same way or actually think I’m as pathetic as they keep saying. We had this argument and then I went to the bar and got into that fight. And then…’
Guilt makes Chloe’s chest ache. ‘And then I made it worse when you needed me.’
Quietly, Devin says, ‘Yeah.’
Devin slumps forward until her forehead rests on Chloe’s shoulder. Chloe snuggles up to her and just holds her for a moment. Then, ‘You want to tell me about them?’
Devin stills. ‘Not now, I think. I think I need to deal with this one on my own, CJ.’
Chloe purses her lips, but doesn’t argue. Step one of being a better friend: listening to your friends when they tell you what they need (or don’t need) from you.
‘Okay, but I want to hear all about it when you’re ready!’ she says with a nudge to Devin’s side. ‘If someone can’t see how amazing you are—and absolutely not pathetic—then they’re blind as a bat.’
Devin snorts. ‘I think you’re a little biased.’
‘No, I’m right! You are a total catch and they would be an idiot to not see that.’
‘That’s what Elena said.’
‘Okay, and Elena is way smarter than me, so you know we’re both right!’
Devin sits up, pointedly rolling her eyes. But she seems less tense, and the smile on her lips is genuine. Chloe beams back, so grateful to have her friend back.
‘I promise I’ll be there for you next time,’ she says. ‘And I’ll make sure it’s not all about me. Your stuff is important, too.’
‘It’s not all on you,’ Devin says. ‘I could have tried to say something sooner. Next time, I’ll speak up before everything falls apart.’
‘Deal.’