Nothing, just a laundry emergency #3
Maddy nods slowly. I can almost see the information settling into the worst possible places inside her head.
“She chose DJ. I got over it,” I tell her.
“How efficient.”
“Okay. That sounds a lot more sarcastic than you think it is.”
“I am being sarcastic.”
“And I am being honest. It was in the past.”
Nothing comparing to this. How obvious does it have to be?
“It just means you liked one Fairfax blonde, and then a second Fairfax blonde moved into your house.” She gently tugs my hand from her wrist and lowers it down.
I stare at her. “You’re not second anything, Maddy.” I can feel frustration crawling up my face. “You think this is some kind of family rotation?”
“I didn’t say that.” Her voice rises slightly.
“You said I’m collecting Fairfaxes.” I remind her, trying to keep my voice low.
“Because it’s objectively strange.” Her words come out faster. “Don’t—”
“No.” I cut her off. “There’s nothing strange about what we’re doing, Maddy. I like—”
“Easy for you to say, Will.” Now she cuts me off. Her shoulders rise beneath the leather jacket. “You didn’t move into your brother’s old room, then your sister’s old room, then start sleeping with the guy who wanted your sister first. She had you first. I can’t date my sister’s leftover.”
“Dating?” I stop myself. “So you’ve been thinking about dating me too?” My voice comes out softer than normal and take a step closer. A little smile tugs on the corner of my lips before I could make sense of my thoughts.
A little hope? Maybe. Satisfaction arrives fast and it makes me stand up a little straighter.
Her mouth only tightens, not looking at me.
“Can’t or don’t want to, Maddy?” I wait for her answer, then grit my teeth together, repeating her words in my mouth. “Lizzie didn’t have me.”
Maddy still looks down to her shoes.
So I keep going. “And now I want you.”
She finally looks at me, then she hisses. “That is extremely convenient.”
The smile dies immediately on my face.
“Maddy, I really hate your sarcasm right now.” I raise my eyebrows. “Nothing about you has ever been convenient. You drive me batshit crazy more than I could count. Including now.”
Her eyes flash to mine, softer now. Hesitant, maybe.
“Is that why you only want me when no one is around?” I give it to her straight. “Because of Lizzie? That is stupid, Maddy. There was nothing between us.”
“She’s still my sister.” Panic arrives in her voice at once. “I can’t—”
“She has nothing to do with us, Maddy.” I am frustrated enough now that the words stop waiting for permission.
“Your sister has never broken into my bedroom at eight in the morning and called me Willy Wanker. She has never forced me to listen to some fucking Pirates songs on repeat. On repeat, Maddy. And I listened. So much, I know the next song even before one finishes playing. She has never made me cook extra dinners because I knew she would steal two.”
I’m catching my breath, hard.
And Maddy’s face changes from panic to something else more girlish at once. “That is not romantic at all.”
“I’m not finished.” The words come out fast and firm.
She closes her mouth.
“She has never made me laugh when I wanted to stay angry. She has never made me want to lie in bed listening to every unrelated thought in her head, even when those thoughts arrive twice as fast as normal speech and half of them involve people I have never met.”
She opens her mouth again, but I beat her to it before she could make another sound.
“And she has never made me hate leaving a room without kissing her.” I swallow, shaking my head in defeated chuckle.
Maddy goes very still.
I lower my voice and keep going like someone has pulled a plug in my brain. “I do not want you because you look like Lizzie. I want you because nobody who spends thirty seconds with you could mistake you for another human being.”
Maddy just stands there, so quiet that I could hear my own breathing. I’ll do anything for her to say anything.
Anything but — “That’s your grand declaration?” Her voice comes sharp across the empty garden.
Well, fuck.
I stop breathing because this was definitely not what I wanted to say when I told her We needed to talk.
“It’s the version you get after insulting me outside my lecture.” I mutter.
“I didn’t insult you.” She protests weakly, coffee forgotten in her hand.
“You called me your sister’s leftover.”
“I said you were collecting us.”
“Maddy.” I groan in exasperation. “That’s even worse.”
A reluctant laugh nearly breaks through her expression. I, however, do not let it derail the conversation. “I’m done sneaking. Why are we keeping this a secret, Maddy?”
“There you are, baby girl.” Nate appears out of nowhere, already walking towards us and wraps his hand around Maddy’s shoulder as soon as he’s two feet away. “Still up for that Poetry PJ party I was telling you about?”
Oh fuck off.
Can we get a minute here?
I drag my hand down my face, exhaling so loudly Nate stares at me for a second.
“What’s up? You guys look tense.” Nate looks back and forth between Maddy and I.
“Nothing.” We spit out the word at the same time.