Terms and conditions
“Okay. Party then?” Nate grins at Maddy. “Baby girl, you’re cute when you pout.”
I am one second away from killing Nate.
He had said five funny things to ease the tension, and none of them has been funny.
“Hm.” Maddy nods, then glances at me. "You wanna come, Willy?”
“No,” I tell them firmly. Both of them turn to look at me.
I am not in the mood. Clearly, Maddy knows why.
“Why don’t go first Nate? I’ll catch up in a minute.” Maddy tells Nate.
And thank fuck the guy can read the room so he says bye to us and strike ahead, leaving us space to finish off whatever conversation we started.
“Willy. You’re sulking.” Maddy wraps her fingers around my arm. “You don’t like us being a secret? You liked sneaking. You told me it’s thrilling.”
At the beginning. Not after three weeks. “I liked being with you. But I don’t want a secret fling.”
She turns her coffee cup between both hands. “It’s like having something that belongs just to us.” She tries for delight.
“Us. Yes. But now I have to lie to my friends, pretend that I don’t want to kiss you every time you’re standing near me. I have to watch you leave my room in your own house, crawling through the hallway like you robbed the house.”
“You could practise self-control,” she summons a grin.
I drag a hand over my mouth, briefly defeated by this person.
My eyes roll so hard I’m surprised they’re still there. “I’ve practised enough self-control.”
That gets a small smile. “It’s still very good.” Maddy watches me. A pause where she just studies me. “What are you saying, Will?”
“A relationship.”
Her eyes widen.
“An official one,” I add. “I want to be with you properly. I don’t want this secrecy anymore.”
The alarm on her face would be insulting if I did not understand where it came from.
“We’re already exclusive,” she says quickly. “I’m not hooking up with anyone else.”
“Neither am I.”
“Great. So we’re exclusive.”
“And you’re my girlfriend.”
“No label.” Her fingers tighten around the coffee cup.
I laugh once because I cannot believe this girl. “Fuck yes, label.”
“Why do you care about a word?” Her gaze flashes back to mine.
I step closer, but not close enough to touch her. “Because you just dodged my kiss like I’m some secret you keep in the dark.”
She keeps her gaze on me. “Will…I…” The words die fast in her throat.
I exhale sharply and keep going, because I've already decided how this ends. “Listen. I’m not just asking for a label. I’m asking you to stop pretending you don’t want me.
When it’s outside of our rooms.” A pause.
“And when Nate asks whether I’m still pretending to be a monk, I want to tell him I fucked my girlfriend thirty minutes ago instead of watching him winking at me. ”
“Is that the first thing you’ll tell your friends?” Her jaw drops at once, then she recovers and winks. Fucking wink. “You’re very sure that we’ll fuck. Most couples stop having sex altogether.”
Oh my fucking God. I am trying to have a serious conversation with apparently a gremlin who cannot sustain anything serious for more than thirty seconds.
Why am I even trying?
I am going to keep doing this until she answers the actual question.
“I want you,” I tell Maddy slowly and firmly. “Not just exclusivity. Not when it doesn’t include everything else. I don’t want a secret fling.” I repeat. Final time.
“You would stop sleeping with me over a word?” The smallest flicker of panic crosses her eyes.
“No. I would stop because you want everything the word means as long as nobody says it aloud. It’s messing with my head.”
I hate it immediately, but I do not take the words back.
She looks away first. “I can’t— right now.”
“Maddy— Is it because of what people would think?”
“No.” She takes one step backwards. “I need to think.”
Every instinct I have tells me to keep talking until I locate the correct argument and solve the problem.
I force myself to remain where I am. “Fine.”
“Fine?” Her eyes narrow.
“You said you need to think.”
“I do.”
“Then think.” A beat. “But I’m done pretending this means less than it does.”
She searches my face as though she expected pursuit. When Maddy realises that I give her none, she turns and walks away.
————
For the three hours, I accomplish nothing.
I suspect she didn’t go to the party with Nate because I saw Nate’s pouty face when Maddy caught up to him after our conversation this afternoon, and instead of walking with him, Maddy headed a different direction.
So she’s really thinking about it. For three hours.
The thought of Maddy having to think about us doesn’t sit right with me.
At the end of the day, I don’t want someone who just wants to be with me because they have made a logical, long list of pros and cons or what I can do for them.
Maddy certainly doesn’t need anything from me. She either wants me or doesn’t want me. And there’s absolutely not a fucking thing I could do to change that.
A knock on my door. I am sitting at my desk pretending to read an article about international monetary cooperation while understanding none of the words.
“Come in.”
Maddy appears. She has removed the leather jacket. Her hair is tied up now, and she holds her phone in one hand with the serious expression of somebody arriving to renegotiate a treaty, not a romantic relationship.
“You took your sweet time,” I tilt my head at Maddy.
“It has been two hours.”
“Two hour and forty-eight minutes. I have a clock.”
She closes the door behind her. “Fine,” she announces. Her eyes are still on mine.
I know exactly what she is fine about. But I won’t be standing in this ambiguity anymore.
“That is not a complete sentence,” I said bluntly without hesitation.
“Exclusive,” she grits out another word.
“Still not enough. We already are.” I shrug. I know I’m being a dick.
She scowls. “Girlfriend.”
“Say it like you have not been sentenced.” I push further.
“Why are you so obsessed with terminology and tone?”
A small smile curves on my lips. Maddy clearly takes it as her opening. She pulls out the Notes app on her phone and I flinch a little.
“I have terms.” She declares, sharply.
Oh, thank fuck. I thought she was gonna pull a list of Reasons-I-should-date-Will on me.
She walks closer to me and continue. “First, no matching outfits.”
“I would rather lose both legs.” I nod.
“No social hard launch.”
“I barely use social media.” I affirm her. “Anything else?”
“No reporting my location to Lizzie unless I am missing for long enough that lack of concern could become legally negligence in court.”
“How long is that?”
“Six hours.”
“Two.”
“Four.”
“Three.”
“Fine.”
She scrolls. “No comparing me to Lizzie.”
“I have never compared you to Lizzie.”
“Keep not doing it.”
“Agreed.”
Maddy’s mouth curves, but she continues. “I’m not changing my clothes.”
“I would never request that.”
“I’m still going to parties.”
“Obviously.”
“I can speak to boys. My guy friends stay intact.”
“I understand how society works. Only platonic.”
“I can flirt.”
“No.”
Her head rises. “No?”
“No.” I repeat firmly.
“You flirt.” Her eyes open wide.
“Not anymore.”
“You are naturally flirty. So am I.” She tilts her head, her sweet smile comes back to torment me. “I’m a Libra.”
“What does it have to do with—” I shake my head. “Never mind. You asked for terms. That’s mine.”
Maddy considers it. “Fine. Recreational flirting only.”
“What the hell is recreational flirting?”
“Without intent. Only for the purpose of releasing dopamine.”
“How am I supposed to measure intent?”
“You’re the captain. Develop a system.”
I point towards the phone. “Are there more?”
She lowers her phone. “No.”
I wait a few more moments then stand and cross the room. “So we’re exclusive.”
“We were already exclusive.”
“And official.” I tilt my head, already grinning. I cannot contain the smugness even if I try.
She releases a dramatic breath. “Yes.”
I stop in front of her. “What changed your mind?”
Maddy looks at my chest rather than my face. “I would be fine without you.”
“Thanks. That’s very romantic.” I whisper.
She presses her lips together, then she says it with visible effort. “But I don’t want to be fine without you.” She watches my face carefully.
Every thought in my head stops. Maddy immediately looks irritated by her own honesty.
“So yes,” she continues quickly. “I choose your dick over everyone else’s.”
“Maddy.” I try to look annoyed.
“And the rest of your body.”
“Keep going.” The grin returns to my face.
She makes an irritated sound. “Unfortunately, the frontal lobe too.”
“My brain?”
Maddy immediately points at me. “Unfortunately. And your personality too. They’re competing with your super fuckable dick.”
“That is the most romantic thing you have ever said to me.” I catch her around the waist before she can move and pull her against me.
“I take it back.”
I bend towards her. “You cannot revoke a frontal-lobe declaration.”
Maddy places one hand against my chest. “Wait.”
I stop.
Her eyes move over my face. “Do you really not care that I look like her?”
My grin disappears. I lift one hand and touch the side of her neck. “That is the least interesting thing about you.”
Maddy’s mouth twitches. “Still not romantic.”
“I know the exact face you make when your brain is moving too fast because you start forgetting the endings of your own sentences. I know the sweet smile you make when you’re avoiding conflicts or consequences.
I know you get blunter and more directive when you’re spiralling, even while insisting you’re not stressed.
I know you like my broccoli and secretly add mayonnaise to the chicken I make you instead of salt.
I know you don’t wear bras on days your one favourite is in the wash and you don’t own a comb.
And it kills me a little, because you're not even trying.”
Her eyes widen a little but they remain on mine.
My lips brush her temple. “I know you,” I murmur.
Maddy’s hand closes lightly around the front of my shirt. Then she rises onto her toes and kisses me. When she pulls back, I keep my arms tight around her waist. Grinning like an idiot.
I’m an idiot a lot, lately.
Before Maddy can invent another delay, I open my bedroom door and guide her into the hallway.
She catches my hand at the door, threading through mine. I stop and look down. That’s the first official thing she has ever given me.
No matter how small and ordinary, it was enough to make my chest tighten harder than any other secret encounter ever has.
“Why are we going downstairs?” She asks while laughing with her head tipped back.
“I want to kiss you again in the living room.”
“Why?”
“Because I can now.”
She laughs so hard it almost turns into a snort. My girl is laughing at me. And it feels awesome. “We already kissed in the living room.”
“Fine. The kitchen.”
“Done that too.”
“Fine. The space in between the living room and the kitchen. Then I want to watch a movie and cuddle.” I pull her forward quickly.
As we reach the stairs, Maddy glances at me. “Can I still call you Willy Wanker?”
“No.” I order sharply then bark out a loud laugh.
Honestly? Who cares.