12. Chapter 12
Talmage
M y hands are sweating as I sit in the bleachers, watching Mack throw her head back and laugh with her friends. I don’t recognize the song playing—something about a clock, I think. I don’t know. All I know is watching Mack dance is mesmerizing.
And I’m nervous.
Her birthday was last week, and today is the Valentine’s dance. I’ve been waiting for our song to play, for the perfect moment to share our first kiss, but it’s almost over, and they haven’t played it yet.
Another song starts to play, and Mack takes a seat next to me to catch her breath. “Are you feeling okay, Bear? You look like you’re ready to head out.”
“I’m good, just taking a break. You know I’m not a great dancer.”
Mack rolls her eyes. “That’s not true, and you know it. Speaking of… I was wondering if you’d be able to come to my spring recital this year? I’m doing a solo, and I’d like you to be there. ”
“I’ll see what I can work out with my parents, but I’d love to come.
” I reach over and give her hand a squeeze.
She opens her mouth to say something, but the familiar chords to our song start to play.
I stand and take her to the dance floor, placing my hands on her waist as hers wrap around my neck.
The smile she gives me is breathtaking.
And she has no idea what’s about to happen.
Mack doesn’t know it yet, but she’s going to get a proper proposal. That’s what tonight is for, and boy, am I nervous.
What if she says no?
I mean, she’s already agreed to marry me, but still.
What if this is too much?
I open the little, gray velvet box for the hundredth time to inspect the ring. I have the shape memorized, but I can’t stop looking at it. I knew exactly what I wanted to get her. I saw this ring in an ad when I was looking at more collars for Siren and knew.
It’s a kite cut moss agate—it reminds me of her eyes—surrounded by tiny diamonds and leaves. I have a matching band I’ll give her on our wedding day that really ties the whole ring together. It looks like something out of a fantasy novel, and the leaves remind me of Mack’s tattoos .
I hope she likes it. I messaged Lizzie and asked for her ring size, and Lizzie was a bit too eager to help. I’m glad Mack’s had her in her life. I get the feeling Lizzie would do anything for Mack and knowing she hasn’t been alone all these years brings me a small sense of relief.
Siren trots over and sniffs the box in my hands. I close it and put it in my jacket pocket before rubbing a hand over her head, stopping to give her ear scratches.
“What do you think, girl, hm? Do you think she’ll like it?”
Siren huffs and licks my hand, and I take it as an affirmation.
“In a few weeks we’re going to have a whole backyard for you to play in. You’ll have the twins to give you attention, too. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
Siren woofs quietly, wagging her tail and panting.
Mack’s concern for Siren’s well-being was so endearing, it made me fall even harder for her. I already know Siren’s going to get attached to Mack and the girls, and it’ll be a harder transition to leave than it will be to move in.
But that’s a problem for another time. Who knows how long it’ll take for Mack to get a job with better benefits. It could be a while.
Selfishly, I hope it’s a while.
I need time to show her I don’t want her for a blip in time.
Which I know sounds crazy. Absolutely insane, but I can’t help it.
I can’t explain the burning in my chest or the way my stomach erupts when I think about her.
It’s like all the feelings I had as a teenager—the ones I thought were long gone—have multiplied tenfold in the last decade, and now I can’t imagine a future without her, even if I’ve only had her back in my life for a month.
Even if she seems hesitant about opening up to me. I get the sense she’s guarded her heart for so long, it’s going to take a lot more than a month and a marriage born of necessity for her to trust me with the delicate organ.
Good thing I’m patient. I’ll wait as long as it takes.
I give Siren one more good belly rub before I put her in her crate with a peanut butter treat and Bluey on the TV so she’s not lonely.
“All right, girl. Time to go ask Mack to officially be your mom.”
Mackenzie Thorpe is gorgeous.
The sky is blue, the grass is green, fire needs fuel, oxygen, and heat to burn, and Mackenzie Thorpe is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
These facts are ingrained into my psyche—things that will never change.
Mack is beautiful in jeans and a T-shirt. She was beautiful in her sparkly, purple choir dress and the shapeless, black dresses she had to wear for chamber choir. But she was a teenager then. Now, she’s a woman.
And in a black dress that hugs every dip and curve of her body over an olive green lacy long sleeve shirt and paired with black tights and black boots that look like they were made for stomping on hearts?
Someone might need to cut off my oxygen because I’m about to combust.
I’ve been struggling to breathe since the moment she opened the door.
Her hair is down in sleek waves, one side tucked behind her ear, showcasing all of her shiny piercings. Her eyes are winged with eyeliner, her lashes dusted with dark mascara, and her lips…
Holy moly. The maroon lipstick contrasts so beautifully with her pale skin.
Smudge-proof lipstick is a thing, right? I wonder if it’s what she used. I wonder if she’d let me test it… just a peck. To make sure it’s as advertised.
If it isn’t smudge proof, I’d wear the smeared color around my mouth as a badge of honor. Let everyone know this exquisite woman kissed me. Me.
Mack shifts from one foot to the other, folding her arms across her chest, then letting them hang at her sides, and I realize I’ve been staring at her mouth for longer than is appropriate.
“You look incredible.” The words tumble out of my mouth like gravel, my voice rough and ragged in a way it’s never been.
Mack’s cheeks turn pink. “Thanks. You look really nice, too.”
I glance down at my matching olive green chinos and light blue button up.
“Thank you.” I hold my arm out for her. “Shall we?”
Her ring-clad fingers hesitantly grip my bicep in a loose hold .
Can she feel my muscles? Does she like them?
I put in a lot of work to get in shape to be a fireman. With no significant other, I’ve spent many nights running with Siren or lifting the few weights I have at home. I’m proud of the muscles I’ve gained to show how hard I work.
I subtly flex them, hoping to get a reaction out of her, but she just stares straight ahead at my little black Subaru Outback.
I open the passenger door for her, and she gets inside, buckling while I round the car and get in the driver’s side, trying not to rush too fast.
I have to actively keep myself from staring at her and appreciating how much I like her in my car. How much I like her next to me. How much I want to reach across the console and hold her hand while we drive.
As I pull out of her driveway and out of her neighborhood, my nerves sizzle and spike again.
I once again remind myself she’s already said yes to the marriage. To me. This is simply a formality. One I want to give her.
“How was your week?” I ask, glancing away from the road to steal another look at her.
“It was good. I spent some time applying for new jobs in my downtime, so hopefully something will come up. Maybe I’ll get a new job, and we won’t have to get married,” she muses.
OOF.
Talk about an axe to the heart.
I don’t like that idea. Not one bit. Does that make me a bad person ?
“Are you having regrets saying yes to this?” I need to know. I don’t want to force her into something she doesn’t want to do. That would hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her.
Shoot. Have I… manipulated her into this?
“If you feel like I’ve pressured you at all, I’m so sorry, Mack—”
“No,” she interrupts. “You haven’t made me feel pressured, I just… I don’t like feeling like I’m taking advantage of you .”
“I’m sorry. But I promise, I don’t feel that way. I offered. I’m not using the benefits. Someone should get to. Besides, you’re helping me, too, remember? You get to teach me how to be the best ex-Mormon version of myself. I’m ready to enter my apostate era.”
Mack shakes her head, but I see the slightest upturn of her lips. “You won’t even swear, Tal. I don’t want to feel like I’m corrupting you. Again.”
“I want you to corrupt me!” I blurt. Dang it.
That sounds dirty. “I mean, I want you to help me learn to break the rules I’ve been taught.
I don’t want to follow them blindly anymore, but it’s hard to break them on my own, you know?
I’ve gotten so used to them; it’s a hard habit to undo.
But we can talk about that later. Tonight, we’re just a regular couple going on a date—” Mack snorts. “What’s funny?”
“Tal, you look like a Hollister model or something, and I look like the poster child for Goths-R-Us. Complete opposites. No one is going to believe we’re on a real date.”
I don’t like her insinuation that I wouldn’t date her. Doesn’t she understand how beautiful she is? “I think you look amazing. So what if you like black? It doesn’t matter. Besides, people will believe what they want. All that matters is we know it’s a date.”
I glance over and see her looking at me with wide, shocked eyes. “I thought this was more of a formality thing or… something. I didn’t—I didn’t know you considered it an actual date…” Her voice trails off at the end, like she’s embarrassed.
I’m not going to lie, that stings a little. I feel like I’ve been clear about my intentions, but maybe I’ve only been clear in my head.
Instead of showing her the hurt, I give her a beaming smile.
“It’s a date, Mack. I plan on wining—well, maybe no wine for me, but you can have some if you want—and dining you.
Show you what you can look forward to as my wife.
Besides, we need to be seen in public, right?
No one will believe we’re getting married so quickly if we haven’t been out together. ”
“We were seen in public at Valley Baker and G and S. Joanna knew something was up immediately. I told her on Wednesday we’re getting married, and she told me she’d kidnap me if she thought I was in trouble.”
“Is Joanna the scary lady with the spiky hair and nose ring?”
Mack laughs. “Yeah, that’s her. She looks scary, but she’s actually a softie.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
We pull into the parking lot of Sorrento Groves in Provo—an upscale restaurant, popular for special occasions and date nights. I’ve heard great things about the food, but I’ve never had someone to take until Mack came back into my life. I knew immediately this is where I wanted to propose.
“Talmage,” Mack gasps. “This place is too expensive.”
“Nah. I’m a captain of the FD, Mack. The only thing I get to spend my money on is Siren. I promise it’s not too much. Let me spoil you a little.”
Mack shakes her head then sighs. “You’re not going to be talked out of this, are you?”
“Not a chance, Firefly.” I get out and round the car quickly, opening the door for her and offering my hand. “Let me show you off.”
She takes my hand, sparks lighting up my bloodstream as our skin touches. I swear a shiver runs down my spine at the contact.
I expect my nerves to come back full-force as we head to the restaurant. The weight of the ring box in my pocket should be making me vibrate with anxiety, but I feel calm. It’s like an anchor, keeping me grounded to reality.
The grass is green, the sky is blue, Mackenzie Thorpe is beautiful, and she’s going to be my wife.
Facts.