20. Chapter 20
Mackenzie
“ S o you’re going to spend the next seven years just kissing?” Tessa asks—again—as we paint our nails.
I roll my eyes. “Yes. I’m perfectly fine with it. Happy, even. As long as in the end, I get to marry Talmage. I’d never jeopardize his mission eligibility or our temple marriage by pushing things further.”
“But you said you don’t want to be part of the church anymore. After—”
“I’ll stay for Talmage,” I interrupt. I still don’t want to talk about him.
“You know it’s normal for teenagers to have sex, right? Most people lose their virginity before they turn seventeen.”
“Not me. Not Talmage. Not most Mormons.”
Tessa rolls her eyes at me, and I’m starting to question if she’s as good of a friend as I want to believe she is. She seems so adamant that I end things with Tal before I get hurt, and I don’t understand where she’s coming from.
We’re never breaking up. We’re forever .
“What are you going to do all summer when he’s at Scout camp?”
I shrug. He won’t have a phone, so we can’t text. No computer access either. I guess we’ll write letters.
“I’ll be busy with all of my camps, so I’m sure it’ll fly by.”
I still can’t believe Lizzie gave Tal a Costco sized box of condoms. And blurted out I can’t get pregnant. Talmage is going to have so many questions, and I don’t blame him, but I don’t want to relive the reasons why.
I shake my head and sink deeper into the bubbly water.
I’m supposed to be relaxing, not wondering if I can put a curse on my best friend so every time she’s about to have sex, her vagina turns green.
There would be nothing wrong with her medically—I’m not that mean—but it would be pretty off-putting to have a green vagina.
Another wave of embarrassment washes over me. Why the fuck would she do that? She knows we’re not going to have sex. This isn’t that kind of marriage. We’re not having a sex marathon for our wedding night like a normal couple, and even if we were, I…
I wouldn’t want to use condoms.
I would want to feel every bare inch of him.
Stop it. You’re going to get yourself worked up for nothing, and then you’ll have to share a bed with him.
I grab my Kindle and fire it up, opening it to where I left off in the second chance romance I’m reading.
How ironic.
But this isn’t a second chance for me and Tal, is it? Life isn’t a romance novel. People don’t fall back in love decades later and live happily ever after. The man who broke my heart as a teenager isn’t still harboring feelings for me and wishing I’d give him another opportunity.
Men as sweet and lovely as Talmage Monson don’t fall for shattered, broken girls like me.
This story sort of mirrors ours, though, and it’s a mind trip.
High school sweethearts who broke up and went their separate ways, only for a tragedy to bring them both back to their hometown.
He’s an ex-Marine with experience in first response, and she’s a trauma nurse.
They get thrown together on a taskforce to help the victims of a hurricane after it wreaks havoc on their town.
I’m at the point where the tension has built so much, if they don’t kiss soon, I’m going to want to throw my e-reader in the bathtub.
The way he thinks about her is so fucking sweet, and she has no idea he’s still head over heels in love with her.
She thinks his flirting is just what he does—that he’s a playboy who doesn’t want to settle down.
I relate to her character because she’s been burned before and doesn’t want to open her heart again. She’s scared to let the feelings consume her and then be shattered when he leaves.
But his point of view shows he wants another chance with her. He wants it all, and he’ll do whatever he can to prove it .
Eventually, the characters and their descriptions don’t matter anymore.
My brain puts me and Talmage in their places.
The words said between them become things I wish would be said between us, and that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits.
It’s a slippery slope to heartbreak if I continue thinking Tal and I could have a real second chance.
The water’s gone cold, anyway, so I get out of the tub and dry myself off, cursing when I realize I forgot to bring clothes in with me. I listen for footsteps but don’t hear anything. Talmage must not be back yet, so I should be safe to walk out and grab clothes.
I wrap the towel around myself as best as I can, but these towels aren’t big enough to cover everything. There’s a two-inch gap at my side, and the towel barely covers half of my ass.
Good thing Tal’s not here. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to walk out there barely covered. He’d probably be scandalized by my nudity or disgusted by my body.
I’ve always been on the bigger side, even when I was dancing for fifteen hours a week in high school, but my body has changed since then.
I’m rounder in my stomach, and my thighs are riddled with cellulite and stretch marks.
Working so much and dealing with the aftermath of losing my parents made it so I barely thought about my body the last few years.
I wasn’t dating, so I didn't have to worry about what anyone else thought about me, either.
But now, I have a husband who will be sleeping next to me, and I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
I peek around the door just to be safe and find the room empty.
I rush over to the dresser and pull out a long sleeve shirt and flannel pajama pants.
I usually run hot at night and sleep in an oversized T-shirt, but I don’t want to flash Tal in the middle of the night.
I’ll just have to suffer and sweat and hope I can get some semblance of sleep.
Ha . As if. I’ll be lucky if my body relaxes at all.
I’ve just hung up my towel and turned to put my clothes on when the door swings open, and Tal walks in with a duffle bag in one hand and a suit bag in the other.
His mouth drops open, and the duffle thunks onto the floor. I squeal, trying to cover my body with my arms. It doesn’t fucking work, though, because my tits are too big to be covered by one arm and the other one is trying to cover my vagina.
Talmage drops the suit bag like it’s on fire and immediately turns around and covers his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think to knock!” he squeaks out.
“It’s okay. I should have changed in the bathroom.
” I scramble to pull my pants up and shove the shirt over my head, cursing when it gets caught on my breasts.
Of course I’d end up picking the only skin tight shirt I own.
It shows every lump and curve and the peaks of my nipples.
He’ll for sure be able to see the barbells through the tight fabric, but I don’t have time to change now.
“I’m dressed, you can turn around,” I whisper, crossing my arms over my chest.
Tal turns around, his face as red as a tomato. His Adam’s apple bobs as his eyes travel across my body, so slowly it makes me want to squirm. “Sorry again.”
I shake my head. “No need to apologize. I didn’t hear any footsteps upstairs, so I thought I was in the clear. I’ll make sure to change in the bathroom from now on. ”
Tal rubs the back of his neck. “I was outside letting Siren get acquainted with her new space. We’ve been back for about half an hour.”
“I must have been too lost in my book to hear you.”
“Oh, what’s it about? It must be good if you got lost.”
I shift my weight from side to side. “It’s uh, a second chance romance. Two high school sweethearts find their way back to each other.”
Tal gives me a boyish grin. “Sounds familiar.”
I let out an awkward laugh. I need to change the subject. We’re not getting into this right now.
“Are those your clothes?” I nod towards the duffle and suit bag.
“Yeah, and toiletries and such.”
“What else do we need to get moved in tonight?”
Tal shrugs. “Nothing, really. I didn’t realize how little I had until I started packing. My furniture is all in storage, and I only had a few books and my art supplies. Most of the stuff was Siren’s to be honest.”
“No family heirlooms, mementos, or pictures to hang up?”
“I keep all of the important things in a fireproof safe, and I don’t have pictures to hang up. Anything important to remember is either on my phone, an external hard drive, or in here.” He taps his head.
“Cool, well, do you want some help unpacking? I was going to go make some macaroni and cheese. I’m a little hungry now.”
Talmage shakes his head. “It won’t take very long. I’ll just unpack, then hop in the shower really fast.”
“Do you want some food, too? Are you on a special diet? I think I have some lettuce or something. I usually go grocery shopping on Sundays, so my fridge isn’t well stocked right now.”
Tal grins. “I’d love some mac ‘n’ cheese. I’m not on a special diet. We can make the list together when I come up after my shower.”
“Okay. I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thanks, Mack.”
This is my life now. I share a room with a boy—no, a man—and we’re going to make a grocery list together.
Good luck keeping yourself unattached.