24. Chapter 24
Mackenzie
T oday is the last time I’ll see Talmage until school starts again next year. I’ve been holding back frustrated, hurt tears because I don’t want our last day together to be filled with sadness.
He already feels bad enough for leaving, and I don’t want to make him feel worse.
We’re walking hand in hand towards the gas station about half a mile away from school. We’re trailing behind our group of friends, and Tessa keeps looking back at me with a pitying expression, making me feel even worse.
“We’re going to be okay, right?” Tal asks quietly.
“Yeah. You have Scout camp, and I’ll be busy with vocal performance camp and girls’ camp. It’ll fly by.” The words taste like acid, and I know they’re a lie. Tal must know, too, because he just hums in reply.
We get our Slurpees, then follow our friends to the park next to the gas station, talking about our summer plans.
Tessa’s moving an hour north. The news made me even more nervous about next year because I won’t have my friend to help navigate high school.
Our friendship is fizzling out, and we’ve been drifting apart, though, so maybe it’s for the best.
The thought of high school is daunting and scary, especially since I’m not in the musical with my friends. I don’t like change. I don’t like not knowing how things are going to go.
When everyone separates and heads in the direction of their respective houses, Tal follows me to the train tracks. They’ve always felt like an invisible barrier between us, but today, they feel like a stone wall. Once I cross over, will our relationship still be there?
When he wraps me in his arms one last time, I can’t stop the tears from falling.
“I’m going to miss you so much, Firefly. But I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” I sob, swiping the tears before they can fall.
He bends down and kisses me gently. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
By the vibes at the table, you’d think we were holding Kinsley and Harper hostage and waterboarding them for information instead of having a delicious dinner so they can get to know my husband .
My husband, who is genuinely the sweetest man I’ve ever known. Who fixed up the rickety grill and made one of the best meals I’ve had in years.
The beginning of the dinner was silent. Forks scraping on plates, glasses being picked up and put down, and the occasional murmured praise for Tal’s cooking.
But I think Tal had enough of the silence, so he started asking the twins questions. Not just standard get-to-know-you questions, either. Insightful, personal questions that made them open up.
Kinsley has been talking in depth about her science fair project for the last ten minutes, explaining the different variables and constants and her method of testing various types of sugar and sugar substitutes on yeast energy output.
I wondered why we had so many different kinds of artificial sweeteners in our cupboard and why she needed to buy yeast when we don’t bake.
It’s not that I’m uninterested in her science project, but to them, my role is still as their older sister—not their parent.
Sure, I pay the bills and run the household, but they don’t see me as a parental figure they want to go to for help.
I’m just the grouchy older sister who won’t let Kins pierce her belly button.
I tried to ask Kins about it once, and she told me she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, so I let her be.
Guilt over not trying hard enough with her—with either of them—makes the tender meat in my mouth turn to ash.
I should have asked again. I shouldn’t have waited for them to come to me.
I should have tried harder. I’ve been in survival mode for so long I didn’t stop to think about how it was affecting our relationship.
They each attend therapy, which is helpful, but is it enough?
“That’s why artificial sweeteners like stevia won’t activate yeast,” Kinsley finishes her monologue with a flourish.
Tal nods. “That’s fascinating. I never considered the possibility of using something other than plain sugar or honey to activate yeast. It’s really cool you qualified for the state level for your project, Kinsley. You should be proud of yourself.”
For the first time in a while, Kinsley looks almost bashful. “Thanks, Talmage.”
“Hopefully Mack and I can come support you. When is it again?”
“My presentation day is on March eleventh. If I win, then I’m eligible to go to the International Science Fair in San Antonio in May. I-if we can afford it. I’d have to pay for the plane ticket out there, but they cover the cost of the hotel and food.” She looks at me hesitantly.
I want her to be able to go if she wins, and maybe now that I won’t have to shell out hundreds of dollars a month to big pharma for Harper’s medicine, I can send her.
Tal nods. “Oh, that’s cool! My cousin Izzy lives in San Antonio with her boyfriend, and her sister, Elli, lives in San Marcos with her fiancé. Maybe we could all make a trip, I’d love an excuse to visit them. I’ve never been to Texas.”
Harper, Kinsley, and I all pause our eating and blink at him.
The last family vacation we took together was when the twins were seven and I was twenty.
I met them in Seattle, and we visited all the touristy spots.
It was rough because they were still young and didn’t want to do all the grown-up things I wanted to do.
When they were nine, they came to visit me in California after they went to Disneyland.
I had to work, so I couldn’t go with them. It was the last time I saw them before…
“We’ve never really been on a family vacation,” Kinsley blurts out.
“Well, no better time to start, then! It’ll be fun. Even if you don’t get into the international competition—which I think you will—we should plan a summer trip. Your birthdays are in July, right?”
Harper and Kinsley nod. How did he know that? I don’t remember telling him.
Tal grins. “We can go somewhere to celebrate your sweet sixteen! Unless you’d rather have a party. We can talk about it when it gets a little closer. I have another cousin in San Diego, though, and I’m sure she’d be ecstatic to meet you all, if that’s somewhere you’d want to go.”
“Can we go to The Observatory North Park if we go to San Diego? Or Balboa Theatre? Or The Old Globe? I’ve always wanted to see a show there.
” Harper’s eyes are wide and excited, something I don’t see often.
She doesn’t get hyped about things the way Kinsley does, but her passion for theatre gets her talking more than any other subject.
“Oh my gosh, Balboa Theatre is stunning. We’ll have to go.” Talmage nods, matching her enthusiasm.
Kinsley’s nose crinkles. “If we go to the theatre, we have to go to the Fleet Science Center.”
Tal chuckles. “It’s for your birthday, of course we’ll do something each of you wants to do. ”
My head is spinning. He’s making plans for five months from now? I could have a job with better benefits by then. We could be starting our divorce proceedings. We agreed not to get attached, and now he’s planning a fucking family vacation?
How much money does he make if he can afford to be talking about a vacation to San Diego, anyway? I have no idea what a firefighter makes, and he’s a captain—whatever that means. Does it come with a big pay raise?
By the time I come back to the conversation, Harper is talking about the latest musical drama. She’s more animated than I’ve seen her in a long time, and the guilt comes back.
Have I not been giving them what they need emotionally? Have I been a bad sister, a bad guardian? I thought they didn’t want to talk about their personal lives, but they’re opening up to Talmage in a way that makes me think I’m the problem.
“…and they told me I was going to be paired with this boy I really like—” Harper clamps her mouth shut, and her fair skin turns scarlet.
Oh God, they’re going to start dating soon! No! I’m not ready!
“No, no, continue. Tell me about this boy. You know, your sister and I were paired together during many of our school musicals.”
Harper’s eyes dart to me, and I give her an encouraging smile. I’m determined to make sure they feel comfortable talking about this stuff with me. I want them to know they can come to me no matter what.
“W-well, his name is Jeremy. He’s in the same grade as me.
He’s talented and funny, and he’s very kind.
He checks in with me to make sure my blood sugar levels are good and even offered me a Capri-Sun when I was low one day.
” Harper looks how I imagine I did when I was her age talking about Tal: googly-eyed and wistful, with a lovestruck smile on her face.
“Are you going to ask him out?” Tal asks.
“What?!” Harper shrieks. “No! Absolutely not. It would be mortifying to be rejected and have to see him every day. To date someone in the cast and then break up and have to see them every day for the next two years? Talk about awkward.”
I nearly laugh. Yeah, it is fucking awkward. It was so difficult, I almost quit theatre and choir because of it. I don’t want Harper to go through what I went through.
Tal shrugs. “Not every relationship is meant to last, but I think they can all be a learning opportunity.”
“Can we please change the subject?” Harper mumbles, shuffling her food around her plate, cheeks still red.
Tal’s dimples peek out as he smiles. “Sure thing. Let’s talk about how things will be different now with me living here—and before you freak out, I’m not trying to be your parent, okay?
I just want you to know I’m here if you need me.
Any dinner or snack requests, you let me know because I’ll be taking over some of the cooking duties so Mack can have some free time.
I don’t want you guys to feel like I’m encroaching on your space, okay?
I’m just an extra set of hands to help out. ”
“We have really busy schedules, so family dinners like this might not happen often,” Kinsley hedges.
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not expecting big family dinners all the time. But I want to earn your trust, and that comes from spending time together sometimes. Deal? ”
The twins share a look, using their twin-telepathy to have a conversation before they both look at Tal and nod.
“Thanks for being so cool with how quick this was, ladies. I hope I won’t disrupt your lives too much. There may be some nights I come in later because we rotate our shifts, but I’ll try to be as quiet as I can so I don’t disturb you.”
“Does Siren always go to the station with you?” Kinsley asks, looking over to the dog bed on the floor behind the couch.
Siren perks up at the sound of her name. She’s been really calm all day, probably because while Tal was fixing the grill, she ran around the yard like a maniac. It was adorable.
“Yeah, she usually comes with me. But you’re more than welcome to snuggle or play with her when she’s here. If you want to give her treats, just make sure you limit them. I don’t usually give her human food unless it's for special occasions, so just make sure you run things by me, okay?”
Kinsley and Harper nod rapidly.
After the girls and I cleaned up dinner and they played fetch with Siren, we put her in her crate and went our separate ways for bed .
Tal and I both work tomorrow, so we took turns showering—I didn’t forget my clothes in the bedroom this time—and now we’re lying in the dark trying to fall asleep.
I’m wearing another long-sleeved shirt and sweats, and I’m sweltering. I don’t have any blankets on me, but I still can’t get comfortable. I’m trying not to toss and turn too much, so I don’t disturb Talmage.
It doesn’t help that I can't stop thinking about what Tal’s body might feel like pressed against mine without the barrier of fabric.
I’m still thinking about our almost-kiss in the kitchen earlier and wondering if he would have kissed me nice and slow or if there would be an urgency to it.
Would he ravage my mouth and take what he wanted, or would he let me lead?
“Mack,” Tal whispers in the darkness. “Are you okay? You don’t seem comfortable.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m a little hot. I don’t usually wear long sleeves and pants to bed.”
“You don’t have to change the way you dress on my account. Go put on what you usually sleep in, I want you to get your rest.”
I want you to put your mouth on mine.
Ugh. Why can’t my brain function? I must be ovulating. That’s the only reason I’m so horny for my fake husband.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Do you want me to change into what I usually sleep in? Will that make you feel better?”
No. Yes. Fuck, I don’t know.
“If you want. I want you to be comfortable, too. ”
Tal pats my shoulder. “I’ll go change in the bathroom, and you can change in here, then we’ll both feel more comfortable and be able to sleep.”
“Okay.”
He rolls off the bed and heads to the bathroom, then I get up and grab my tank top and shorts from the dresser and quickly change into them.
The cool air kisses my overheated skin, a nice reprieve from the suffocating heat I was experiencing. I might be able to get some rest, after all.
Tal opens the bathroom door and comes out in nothing but a white shirt and royal blue boxer briefs so tight they look strained on his muscular thighs.
Or maybe I won’t get any rest, after all.
Not when I have to actively keep my gaze from glancing down at his—
Nope. No.
Seemingly unaffected by the change in wardrobe, Tal gets back under the covers, so I follow suit.
“Good night, Mack. Sweet dreams,” he says.
I click off my phone light.
“Good night. You, too.”
God help me, I am so fucked.