25. Chapter 25
Talmage
T he car is quiet as we drive up to the Scout camp about three hours away. I can tell my mom wants to say something to me by the way she keeps drumming her fingers on the steering wheel and sighing.
Finally, after what feels like an eon of waiting, she turns off the music.
“Talmage, your father and I wanted to sit down and talk to you together, but we didn’t know how. So we decided I’d talk to you alone when I took you to camp.”
“Okay… About what?”
“We know about the Thorpe girl.”
My heart plummets to my stomach.
What does she know? Does she know… everything?
“What do you mean?” My voice comes out shaky.
“Well, Brother Linswell was out in his backyard one afternoon about two months ago and came around the front and saw you and her embracing. He didn’t think much of it, until he saw you kiss her before you went your separate ways.
He was concerned there might be something more going on, so he called us and let us know to keep an eye on you.
Your father and I didn’t want to believe what we were hearing, but Brother Linswell texted us multiple times after saying he saw you kiss her again. ”
“Wh-why didn’t you and dad say anything?” I can’t even wrap my mind around what I’m hearing. Mack and I got tattled on like children by an old man? It’s not like we were out there naked or touching each other inappropriately. We’ve only kissed, nothing more.
“We thought you would come to your senses and confess. We hoped you’d end things with her and repent for your sins.”
“I don’t have anything to repent for, Mom. Mack and I never did anything more than kiss and hold hands. I don’t want to end things with her. I love her.”
Mom scoffs, and for the first time ever, I feel anger towards her. We’ve always had a close relationship, but right now it feels like she doesn’t trust me.
“You don’t love her, Talmage. You’re too young to know what that means.
And you may not have done anything more, but you know you aren’t allowed to date until you’re sixteen, and you shouldn’t have a serious relationship until you come home from your mission.
You’ve been lying to me and your father. ”
“I haven’t lied. You never asked. Mack and I are best friends, and I’ve been open about it.” I don’t want to get into the fact she thinks I’m too young—how many times will I hear that regarding Mack?
“I don’t think she’s good news, Talmage. She seems… lost. There’s something dark inside her, something sinful, and I don’t want it to tarnish your light. ”
How can my mom think that about her? How can she say Mack would tarnish my light when I’ve never been happier than when I’m with her?
Mom continues before I can even begin to protest, “You need to make a choice, Talmage. You need to either break up with Mackenzie or potentially ruin your future. One mistake is all it would take to undo all you’re working towards.
No mission, no temple marriage, no Celestial Kingdom.
Don’t throw it all away for some girl. I hope you make the right choice. ”
Mack’s not some girl . She’s everything.
But… is my mom right? Am I risking the future I’ve been working towards forever if I keep spending time with Mack the way I have been? If I continue to date her, will I ruin my chances at eternal salvation?
I’ve been living with Mack for a little over two weeks, and I’m losing my mind.
I had to look up how often is considered “normal” to masturbate because I’ve been doing it twice a day, and it still doesn’t feel like I’m getting any sort of relief.
After the first night Mack admitted to being uncomfortable while she slept, she’s been wearing what I assume are her regular pajamas, and my hormones… they can’t take it.
I want my wife. Badly. I’m in a constant state of desire for her .
It’s not even about sex, I just want to hold her and feel her skin on mine. I want to kiss the tip of her nose and inhale her scent first thing when I wake up.
There was one night last week when I woke up at two in the morning and felt like I was boiling, only to realize Mack and I had somehow met in the middle of the bed, and her soft, lovely body was pressed right up against mine, her front to my back.
Thank goodness I was facing away from her, because one movement from her against my erection would have had me coming immediately.
When I woke up in the morning, though, she was back on her side of the bed, not touching me. Accidental cuddling hasn’t happened since.
I’m a little sad about it.
Other than my growing need for her, things have been nice. We’ve gotten into a good routine. If I’m off when she’s working, I make lunch and dinner for us both, and she cooks when I work.
She hasn’t let me do her laundry yet, and I’m still trying to figure out the system she and the twins have when it comes to the way their cupboards are organized, but I think I’m getting the hang of things.
I’m trying not to dwell on my disappointment at not being able to kiss her goodbye or snuggle her when I’ve had a long day, and I’m ignoring my body’s eagerness to be close to her unless I’m in the shower, surrounded by the scent of her body wash and shampoo.
Siren’s bark pulls me out of my thoughts, and I turn to see Enoch and Nathan enter the kitchen area in the firehouse .
“How’s married life, brother?” Enoch gives me a slap on the back as he walks past me to the fridge.
I shrug. “Can’t complain. What’s new with you two?”
Enoch shakes his finger at me. “No, no, we’re not doing that today. You’ve avoided talking about Mackenzie for weeks, dude. It’s time to spill. Let us lonely bachelors live vicariously through you.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t have much to tell. Mack and I are both busy, but it’s nice having someone to come home to. I love having someone to cook for and talk to about my day. I like having a partner.”
“And how are the marital activities ?” Enoch pumps his eyebrows suggestively.
Nathan smacks him on the chest. “Dude, don’t ask shit like that. It’s personal!”
Nathan didn’t grow up Mormon, and his casual use of curse words used to be jarring but not anymore. It’s nice to not feel like I have to cover my ears to keep the “bad words” out.
“I want to know if the waiting is worth it!” Enoch argues.
Enoch did grow up Mormon, and from what I understand, is still active in the church.
How honest can I be with them right now? Do I tell them I don’t know if it’s worth it? It would be kind of suspicious if I haven’t made love to my wife after getting married so quickly.
Enoch studies me for a minute before his jaw drops. “You’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Will you be quiet?” I hiss at him, checking to make sure no one else is around us. “Yes. I’m still a virgin. ”
“Why?” Enoch cries.
“Dude! Not cool.” Nathan sends Enoch a warning glare.
I groan, regretting admitting it.
“I can’t tell you why, so stop asking.”
Enoch frowns. “Not that I’m trying to be crass about your wife, but how have you kept your hands off of her? I would have torn her dress off as soon as we got home if I were you.”
A sound close to a growl—something I didn’t know I was capable of—rips out of my throat. I don’t want to imagine anyone but me doing anything with my wife.
“Don’t you fucking dare say anything like that about my wife again.”
Enoch’s eyes go wide, and he holds up his hands. “S-sorry, man. Didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”
Nathan’s eyes narrow at me. “Did you just say ‘fuck?’”
“Yes. I did.”
“But you don’t swear.”
“I do now.”
“Since when?”
“Since I left the church,” I blurt out, and both of them gasp.
Nathan grins. “Congratulations, bro. That’s a huge step. How has it been?”
This is a safer conversation. One I’m happy to have with them. “It’s been really good. Freeing. I mean, it’s new, but I can’t complain. Instead of dreading Sundays, I look forward to them, and not having to follow the arbitrary rules has been nice. ”
“Wait, wait, wait. So you’re saying you’re married, left the church, and you’re still not having sex?” Enoch’s voice drips with disbelief.
“Oh, for the love of—life isn’t all about sex!” I nearly shout at him.
“I’m just saying when I left, sex was—”
“Wait, what do you mean? You left the church?”
Enoch shrugs. “Yeah. About a year ago. I’m not open about it, but I’m not really hiding it either.”
How did I not know my best friend left the church? What signs did I miss? Now that I think about it, I haven’t noticed his garments peeking out of the collar of his T-shirts anymore.
“And you’re not a virgin?” Nathan gasps dramatically.
Enoch grins. “Nope. As soon as I submitted my request for my records to be removed, I lost my virginity. Best two minutes of my life. Don’t worry, I last longer now.”
“I wasn’t worried, but thanks for the information. Good for you for leaving, man. But why didn’t you say anything?” I ask.
“Probably for the same reason you didn’t. I didn’t want the judgment or to risk losing our friendship.”
“Well, now I feel like we should celebrate!”
“Hell yeah! Maybe if I get some alcohol in you, you’ll tell me why you haven’t fucked your wife.”
I sigh. “Can you please drop it? It’s not—we’re not… It’s complicated.”
“Fine. I’ll drop it. But just know, if you need some advice, you can ask me. ”
I will not be asking him for advice on this particular subject. It would mean I’d have to explain the whole fake marriage thing, and it would open up a can of worms for even more questions.
“Thanks, but I—”
The alarm in the station blares at level three, and we jump into action.
The fire’s at an older house on the outskirts of town. According to the neighbor who called it in, the elderly couple living there has mobility issues, making it difficult for them to get out on their own. Nathan and I are tasked with helping them.
We’re already suited up in our turnout gear, all that’s left is put on our SCBA masks.
The fire looks like it started in the living room, so instead of going through the front door, we rush around to the back but find the door locked. I give it a few swift, powerful kicks, and the old wood splinters on the hinges and opens for us.
Thick gray smoke fills the kitchen and beyond, and sweat pours down my back as the heat from the flames permeates the air, getting closer to this area of the house. The fire is spreading quickly, so we need to work faster.
Nathan and I follow the sound of faint coughing and the frail voice of someone calling out for help. In the hallway, we find an older gentleman passed out on the floor, his cane two feet away. Nathan scoops him up and, with a nod to me, carries him out of the house while I try to find his wife.
There are three doors in the hallway, one leads to a bathroom, the second looks like a guest room, and the third is where I find the wife lying on a bed, covering her mouth with a handkerchief.
I take note of the wheelchair in the corner and her foot in a cast. She must have had some type of injury preventing her from moving on her own. I don’t have time to grab the wheelchair.
I take off my SCBA mask and place it on her face, just in case. “I’m going to lift you now, ma’am. Let me know if I need to reposition you so I’m not causing any pain.”
She nods weakly, loosely hooking her arms around my neck while I lift her bridal style. It’s not ideal, but I don’t want to cause any harm to her legs.
I hear the cracking of wood, the heat increasing as more smoke fills the room. I silently pray to whatever higher being there is that the flames haven’t made our escape route impossible. I open the door slightly and see the flames at the entrance to the hallway, blocking our way out.
I need to find another exit
I spin around to the double-pane window which looks big enough for me to carry her out. The house is only one story, so the ground is close enough. My team must have had the same idea, because Nathan and Enoch are on the other side of the window with a gurney at the ready.
I set the woman on the bed, quickly shove the dresser away from the window, and open it .
I scoop up the lady and gently carry her to the window where Nathan helps me get her outside.
She rips off the SCBA mask as soon as she’s outside. “My Jerry! My Jerry is in there!”
“No, ma’am, we got your husband out. He’s with the EMTs now,” Enoch says calmly.
“Jerry is our dog! Our baby! I can’t leave him!” She tries to sit up but can’t. Her eyes fill with tears, and she starts crying hysterically.
I know if Siren were in a fire, I’d want to get her out. The pain of losing my furbaby would be gut-wrenching, and I can’t let this woman experience that.
“Do you know where he is?”
“In the bathroom. He likes to hide in the tub.”
“Cap, you can’t. We haven’t gotten the fire under control yet,” Nathan warns.
“I can’t leave him. Give me the mask.”
Reluctantly, Nathan hands me my SCBA. I fit it back onto my head and turn around, before making my way through the bedroom and into the hall.
I get down on my belly and crawl the few feet to the bathroom.
The flames are working their way through the house, closer to where I am.
Something crackles and crashes too close for comfort, so I pick up my speed, entering the small bathroom.
I pull back the curtain to find a small white dog shaking in the corner.
“It’s all right, Jerry. I’m just going to pick you up and take you to safety,” I coo, reaching for the dog.
Jerry barks and nips at my hands, but I don’t feel it through the gloves. I get him secured in my arms as best as I can before I rush out of the bathroom—straight into the path of the flames.
Fuck.
Jerry panics and twists out of my arms, running towards the bedroom. I chase after him, but my foot gets caught on a rug, and I twist, toppling over. A popping sound followed by pain from my right ankle makes me howl in pain.
Fuck, that’s not good.
I see Jerry jump up to try and get to his owner through the window. I grit my teeth and scoop up the little dog and hand him to Nathan, who takes him to the older lady.
I hoist myself out of the window, grunting when I land on my bad ankle, which gives out, and I crumple to the ground.