39. Chapter 39
Mackenzie
M y entire body freezes, and the police officer’s words fade away as my ears ring.
This has to be a cruel, sick prank by someone who wants to hurt me.
“Hello? Miss Thorpe? Are you there?” The officer snaps me out of my spiral.
“Y-yes.” I clear my throat, but it does nothing to stop the way my voice wobbles. “I can be there tomorrow.”
“Your sisters’ friend’s mom has agreed to keep the girls until you can get here. We don’t usually do that sort of thing, but considering the circumstances…” The officer trails off, leaving me to fill in the blanks.
The blanks being my parents were in a fatal car crash, and if I don’t get to Utah as soon as possible, my sisters will end up in the care of the state. If I don’t claim guardianship of them, they’ll end up in foster care.
“Wh-who do I call when I get there?”
The officer rattles off a few numbers I shakily jot down on a scrap of receipt paper I had in my purse. When he hangs up, I let the phone fall limp at my side.
Have they told the twins? I should be there for that, right?
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do other than get to Utah.
KC walks in the door, carrying a case of beer with his friends trailing behind him.
“Kenzie.” I flinch at the nickname I’ve told him I hate. “Woah, why the tears, babe?”
I don’t even know where to begin. I need to call Lizzie. I need her to tell me what to do and have her meet me tomorrow to figure out the funeral and school stuff and guardianship.
I don’t know how to be a guardian. I barely know how to take care of myself.
“Babe. Hello?” KC snaps in front of my face.
“I’m leaving. I need to go home. We’re done.” I sound like an emotionless robot, but I don’t care.
KC rears back like I’ve slapped him. “What, why? What did I do?”
“It’s not about you. My parents—” My voice catches, and I feel the onslaught of tears waiting to burst out of me. I won’t cry in front of him or his friends. I shake my head, and KC mumbles something I can’t hear.
I move around the apartment, gathering my things and tossing them into the large rolling suitcases that have held basically my entire life these past five years.
I dial Lizzie as I move, regurgitating everything the officer told me. She doesn’t tell me everything will be okay, because she knows it would be a lie. But she tells me she’s here for me in whatever way I need her.
I don’t look back when I pull away from the complex. It shouldn’t have been that easy to pack up my entire life, but I guess it’s a blessing in disguise.
If God exists, he can go fuck himself if it’s the only blessing he has for me right now.
I told Talmage to schedule lunch with his parents sooner rather than later, so we could get it over with.
I’m still a little wary of Laurie, but she wasn’t outright mean to me on Sunday, and I know having a relationship with his parents is important to Tal, so I’m going to try.
We scheduled lunch for Saturday, and the morning of—my period starts. I’m used to the debilitating cramps and nausea, and usually I can go on with my day but not before I’ve had pain meds.
I’m curled up in the fetal position, my insides feeling like they’re trying to burst out of me when Tal comes in from taking Siren out for her morning walk.
“Good morning, I—hey, what’s wrong?” He rushes over to the bed, sitting down in front of me and putting the back of his hand to my forehead.
“Nothing,” I croak, but my voice comes out strained. “I just… I started my period, and I’m in a bit of pain. I just need some medicine, and I’ll be fine. ”
Tal frowns. “I’ll cancel lunch. I don’t want you to go if you’re sick.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sick, just in pain. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Besides, your mom already hates me. I don’t want to cancel at the last minute and have her hate me even more.”
“My mom will have to deal with it. I don’t… tell me how to take care of you.”
I sit up, wincing when my back twinges. “I’ll be okay, I promise. We have to leave at eleven thirty, right?”
Tal’s lips thin, and I can tell he doesn’t believe me. I don’t believe me, but I refuse to let this be a mark against me with his mom. I’ve suffered through work meetings and parent conferences with severe cramps, I can handle lunch with his mother.
“Let me get you some pain meds and your coffee. You’ll need to take it with food, so what do you want for breakfast?”
“I can—”
“I know you can take care of yourself, but you’ve been taking care of everyone else for so long, you deserve to be taken care of. Let me take care of you.”
I sigh. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”
“Nope.”
“Okay. Do we have any more of those cookies and cream overnight oats?”
“You’re in luck, we have one left unless the twins got to it first.”
When I’m on my period, I have a hard time figuring out what I want to eat because food rarely sounds appetizing. I have a rotation of five foods I can stomach, and those oats are the only thing that sounds remotely palatable for breakfast. I’ll probably cry if one of the twins ate them.
Tal helps me up the stairs, rubbing soothing circles into my back as we go. I should ask him if he’d be willing to give me a massage later.
Kinsley and Harper are at the counter with their own breakfasts—cereal, thank God—and Tal instructs me to sit on a stool while he reheats my oats for me. While the bowl is in the microwave, he mixes up the instant espresso I use for my coffee and makes me an iced vanilla latte.
“When did you learn to make that?” Kinsley asks around a spoonful of cereal.
Talmage shrugs. “I pay attention. I wanted to know how my wife likes her coffee, so I learned.”
“Ugh. You guys are so sweet you’re going to make Harp’s blood sugar spike.
” Kinsley rolls her eyes, but her smile betrays her disgust. For all her sass, I think she’s happy for me—for us.
Having Talmage as part of our family makes it feel less lonely than it was before.
He doesn’t replace our parents, but he adds something to our little family we were missing.
Harper chuckles and shakes her head, returning to her cereal when Tal slides my coffee and oatmeal to me.
He leans back against the counter and engages the twins in a meaningful conversation about their hobbies and their friends.
He’s genuine about his questions and intentionally listens.
The twins—Kinsley mostly—chatter on and on, and the comfortable familiarity and trust they seem to have with Tal nearly makes me cry .
I hope lunch goes well so we can grow our little family, and they can learn to trust other people.
Laurie requested we meet at Valley Baker, so we pull into the parking lot ten minutes before we’re scheduled to be here. Luckily, it doesn’t seem too busy.
My cramps are still insistent and painful, but the medication has taken the edge off somewhat. What I really want is a hot bath and a long nap. I’ll get it as soon as we’re done here.
When Tal’s parents pull in next to us and wave, Tal gets out and opens my door for me before wrapping his arm around my waist. His gentle grip on my hip soothes my anxiety about what this lunch might entail.
To my shock, Laurie wraps me in a quick hug when we meet at the front of the cars, and George offers me a gentle handshake before we head inside and order.
They pay for our lunch while Tal and I grab a booth in the farthest corner, hopefully lending us a bit of privacy for the upcoming conversation.
George and Laurie slide into the booth across from us, and the ensuing awkward silence is thick around us.
Finally, Laurie clears her throat. “Mackenzie, I want to apologize for my behavior. The things I said about you—recently and when you were a teenager—were cruel and unwarranted, and I’m sorry.
My worry has always been about Talmage’s well-being and his spiritual health, but I couldn’t see past it to notice how happy you two are.
” Her eyes well with tears, and she gives Tal a watery smile.
“You’re glowing, happier than I’ve ever seen you.
I’m sorry for what I said to you, too, Talmage. I shouldn’t have been so mean.”
George grabs Laurie’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze as he picks up where she left off. “We feel awful for missing your wedding, and to make up for it, we’d like to pay for and host a reception. Whenever works best for you. We want to be part of your lives, however it looks for you two.”
Laurie reaches across the table and surprises me by gripping my hands.
“You have experienced so much loss, and I’m so, so sorry for that, Mackenzie.
I cannot imagine—” She shakes her head. “We can’t replace your parents, and we don’t want to, but we hope to build trust, and maybe someday, you’ll feel comfortable coming to us for whatever you need.
Your sisters, too. We want to be in your corner. ”
Tears threaten to spill over. I may not know Laurie well, but everything she’s saying sounds genuine.
“Thank you, Mom,” Tal whispers from next to me, squeezing my thigh. “I really appreciate your apology and your willingness to try. We want you in our lives, too.”
I nod along in agreement since I don’t trust myself to speak right now.
Our food comes out, and conversation changes to lighter topics. They ask us about our reunion, and we tell them about the accident and the grocery store. The way Talmage describes it sounds like a cheesy romance novel .
Laurie asks about Harper’s diabetes and says she’s been researching diabetic friendly meals for when we come over for dinner. She lets me know she’s happy to have the girls over any time Talmage and I want to finally go on a honeymoon.
Things feel good and easy, until George asks, “So when can we expect our first grandchild?” His tone is teasing in that dad way. The way people ask wanting an actual answer but pose it as a silly question to ease the seriousness.
Talmage looks at me with panic in his eyes, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. The idea of disclosing my medical history and the reasons I can’t have kids makes me want to hurl. Tal must be able to read the defeat on my face.
“Mack and I aren’t planning on having children anytime soon, if at all.”
“Why not?” Laurie’s eyes bounce between me and Tal.
I clear my throat. Better to just rip off the Band-Aid. “My fallopian tubes were damaged due to an infection and had to be removed.”
I don’t say I’ve never really felt the call to be a mom the way some people do.
I like kids just fine, but I’ve never dreamed of having my own.
Maybe it’s because I was thrust into the guardian role in early adulthood or because I’ve known since I was a teen that pregnancy isn’t an easy option.
Either way, I’ve made peace with the fact kids aren’t in my future.
I fully expect Laurie and George to freak out and tell us it’s our duty to have kids, spew the religious bullshit that we’re being selfish .
Laurie’s face softens into a sad smile. “Well, Siren’s the best fur-grandbaby ever. Maybe you can have another one of those instead.”
I don’t think Tal or I expected that response, so we stumble through some kind of affirmation.
“If you were to decide you want to adopt or have a surrogate, we would support you,” George adds. “But we respect your decisions. Your choice to have children or not doesn't involve us.”
“Thanks, George,” I say at the same time Tal says, “Thanks, Dad.”
We end lunch with goodbye hugs and promises of Sunday dinners. Laurie wants to have lunch with just me to discuss reception plans sometime, and she wants to have a girls’ day with the twins, Lauren, Lacey, and me.
I feel lighter than I have in weeks and full of more hope and happiness than I’ve experienced in well over a decade.
A pang of sadness hits me when I think about how my parents would feel about all of this. They loved Talmage. They would be happy I’m happy and getting along with his mom. They would be happy Kins and Harp have made friends with my in-laws and they’re thriving.
I don’t know what I believe about the after-life, but I hope if they’re watching over me, they’re content with how my life is going.
I wish they were here to be part of it.