11. Patience
Patience
The water of Royce’s amazing shower isn’t nearly hot enough to wash the shame and crippling arousal off me. I’m so mad I couldn’t even be bothered wrapping my hair. A perfect silk press bob ruined, just like my orgasm.
Royce is by definition a pleasure dom. He’s hardwired to have his lovers come at least three times for his every one. I never imagined he’d use me as a human fleshlight.
This night–shit, my life lately in general has been… the worst. My whole life flashed before my eyes when Shad pulled that gun on Cochise. I couldn’t let him be swept off the earth, not when we just got back into each other’s lives.
Have we, though? Am I back in his life?
For some reason, he hasn’t said anything to anyone. Trippy and PC looked genuinely surprised to see me alive and well on the other side of our stomping grounds. Trippy’s obnoxious ass would have let it be known fast if Cochise opened his mouth.
Maybe my brother is less attached than I thought. Maybe he’s figuring out there’s a reason I haven’t reached out to anyone.
But this shit with Shad has to stop. Royce is right; I am a liability. It’s one thing for him to brush off what happened at brunch. This is getting out of hand, and quickly.
I just need to go. Maybe I can hide out in Northupton. Autumn will be done with her clinicals soon. I can convince her to make a fresh start in a new city. Us and the kids.
I let my delusions wash over me like the lukewarm water and move my head directly below the waterfall shower head.
Maybe she would have went for it before I fucked her baby daddy.
Our baby daddy.
“You thinking so loud.” Strong hands caress my bump and I feel a kiss on my shoulder. I’m too wound up from not coming before, that I shrug him off of me.
“Stop, Royce. You’ve done enough.”
“Nah, princess. I haven’t done shit yet.”
Royce grips both my ass cheeks and separates them. Before I can object, I feel his tongue tracing my forbidden hole.
My hands fly to the wet tile. My feet move on their own accord, widening my stance as his mouth moves down to eat my pussy like it’s his favorite meal.
“Fuck,” I whisper. I cannot survive him edging me again.
My orgasm builds that quickly, racing to the forefront.
Spirit, I need this. I need to feel something other than terror, worry, and despair.
Autumn was right; I haven’t enjoyed this pregnancy at all.
From our arguments, to me going back and forth with Royce, to now my past colliding with my present, I’m tired. I’m tired as hell, and coiled tight.
Two thick fingers penetrate my center and rub against my G-spot. “Let it go, princess. Daddy’s got you,” Royce rumbles over the shower.
And my dam breaks. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as my orgasm barrels through me as he keeps fingering me, keeps rubbing on my G-spot, keeps sucking on my clit.
One orgasm melts into another, and I lift onto the tips of my toes and drop my hands onto the built-in soap dish, bending over and shoving my ass more into his face.
Royce pulls at one of my sensitive nipples, taking my orgasm to the next level and drawing it out.
“You so fucking nasty. Creaming all on my fingers and shit. You my nasty lil slut, huh Pay?”
Fuck, that filthy ass mouth. I rue the night he discovered my degradation kink.
He slaps my ass before kissing it, rubbing his hands all over me before pulling me upright.
He washes me so fucking gently, that if I wasn’t worn out from finally coming, I’d tease him.
The scalp massage he gives me while shampooing my hair almost takes me out.
The last thing I remember is Royce tucking me into bed, kissing my temple and telling me goodnight.
Kids are really a gift from the universe. They’re so pure and innocent. You can be having the worst day, and they’ll say something silly, or give you a hug, or sometimes even just look at you like you’re Superman, and your day will instantly be better.
“That’s a lot of chocolate chips, Deucey.”
Deuce pours more chocolate chips into the bowl. “Yeah, but my sister is gonna like extra chocolate chips like me.”
This morning, Deucey woke me up asking to make cookies.
Royce has been gone for four days, and I’ve spent them underneath the covers if I wasn’t helping Deucey with his homework.
Our last interaction had me more than discombobulated, and where I usually confided in Autumn, we’re still not speaking.
Not that I’d even know what to say to her.
Was this cheating? Even if it wasn’t, it’s foul. It’s messy, and muddled.
I went to bed last night telling myself I’d leave after dropping Deuce off at G-pops. I stayed indoors, afraid I’d been tracked here. I’m back ignoring everyone’s calls. I’m going out of my mind, and I know Deucey notices, too.
So when he asked me to make the cookies, I agreed. One last bonding experience before I went ghost. I’d miss him the most, my sweet, sweet boy. But in the grand scheme of things, I’d be okay knowing he was safe.
A lump the size of the Pacific Ocean forms in my throat. “H-how do you know it’s a girl?”
Deuce shrugs and places the now-empty bag on the counter. “I just know, Mama Pay.”
We grab the wooden spoon and begin folding the chocolate chips into the dough.
There was a stepping stool and a small apron off to the side, letting me know Royce probably cooked with Deuce often. Even with the aprons, we had flour all over ourselves.
“What else do you know, oh wise one?”
Deuce looks back at me and grins before turning back toward the dough. “I know she likes extra chocolate chips. She’s gonna play with dolls like Lil Mama, but she’s gonna like cars like me, too. And I’m gonna teach her everything I know about bugs.”
“But what if she doesn’t like bugs, Deucey? She’s a girl, remember.”
We place the spoon on the counter and start scooping and rolling dough in our hands. Cooking has always been one of the things we do together. What started as us working on his fine motor skills, has transformed into our special time.
He just shrugs at my comment, placing the ball of dough onto the baking sheet. “Whatever she likes, I’ll make sure I know everything about it so I can teach her. Even if it’s something girly.” He sticks his tongue out like he’s disgusted, making me chuckle.
“I have no doubt you’ll be the best big brother, just like you’re the best son.”
“I’m glad I’m the big brother. I wouldn’t wanna be the little brother.”
I freeze and turn to Deuce. “How come?”
Deuce’s eyebrows furrow as he keeps rolling the dough in his hands. “I heard Auntie Twin talk bad about Daddy like he’s a bad little brother.”
I place the ball of dough on the baking sheet and wipe my hands on my apron. Deuce couldn’t really tell his aunts apart, so he just called them Auntie Twin “What were they saying?”
“They say he’s a bad man, and he kills people.” Deucey looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “Is that true?” he whispers.
“Oh, Deucey.” I take the ball of dough out his hands and wrap my arms around him. “Daddy is not a bad man. You know that.”
I want to tear those bitches apart.
I knew of Royce’s sisters Rain, Rian, and Renelle from when they were hot and ready hoes chasing after the guys I grew up with.
Before they became the Get Money Crew, they were the G$ Crips, named after the First Nations family that started the gang.
And those girls were right there being groupies with the rest of the other hoes trying to be down.
I even fought one of the twins, which is why I try to stay scarce, though she never saw me coming when I went upside her head.
I always knew they were weird and thirsty, but to talk so maliciously about their brother… in front of his own child?
“Sometimes adults say mean things about someone but it doesn’t mean it’s true. Daddy isn’t a bad man and he doesn’t kill people.”
Deucey wipes his eyes and leans back. “They said he killed their mama,” he whispers, and rage burns in my chest.
“They don’t know what they’re talking about, Deucey,” I say with conviction. “Daddy would never hurt anyone he loves. You believe that right? He wouldn’t hurt you, or your mom, or me, right?”
Deucey shakes his head. “Or my sister.”
I simper and hug him to my chest. “Or your sister. He wouldn’t hurt any of us, and he wouldn’t hurt his mommy.”
He nods his head on my shoulder and I pick him up to sit him on the counter.
“How about we finish making these cookies, and we spend the day together. We can have a Marvel marathon.”
And just like that, my Deucey is back grinning, hazel eyes twinkling, gazing at me like I just offered him a million dollars.
We wipe our faces, wash our hands, and get back to making cookies, while I remind myself every five seconds that I’m too old to whoop a bitch down.
I startle awake at the sound of the elevator. A quick peek out the windows lets me know the sun’s setting.
We had the perfect day, gorging on cookies and watching our favorite superheroes fight crime. There was no more talk of what he heard his aunts saying, but it’s still plaguing my mind, and even followed me into my dreams.
I am a big sister. And whether I like it or not, I haven’t been the best one either.
Faint cologne caresses my nose as I feel Royce stand over the couch. He reaches over, shaking Deucey awake. “C’mon, Your bath is ready, and then you can eat something besides chocolate chip cookies.”
Deucey just yawns and nods his head, going towards his room. I stand, too, and stretch, letting the blanket fall to the ground. Royce zeroes in on my stomach, something passing over his face before he meets my eyes.
“You good?”
My mouth goes dry. How do I even bring something like this up? Anger threatens to take over me again, but I swallow it down, no matter how much it feels like sandpaper.
“Deucey told me something disturbing.”
“Come to the kitchen with me.”
I follow behind him, settling onto an island stool as he goes to the fridge. He takes out the leftover chicken I made the night before and some green beans to warm up.