Chapter 36 Josh
JOSH
After talking with Ellie, I feel lighter—but not steady. I still don’t know what I’m going to say to Melanie, but time is ticking. The concert will be here, and Mark has made it clear he wants to see more from me and Melanie.
The thing is, I don’t know if I can move past this. Or if I even should.
But God I want to.
And underneath the anger I keep directing at Melanie, there’s a voice I can’t quiet—the one reminding me I left her first. That I’ve made my share of mistakes. Maybe I’m furious at her for keeping secrets, but mostly I’m furious at myself for not being there when it counted.
I have nothing to eat in Ellie’s guest house, so I hit the grocery store late Monday afternoon. The kitchen is barely big enough to boil water, but I can’t keep eating takeout and pretending I’m fine. I’m just pulling in when I hear something through my cracked window that stops me cold.
Laughter.
Hers.
Melanie.
I know it like I know the sound of my own name. I don’t move from my truck, unsure if I want her to see me. But I watch.
She’s in Sophie and Liam’s front yard, rinsing her feet off from the beach.
She’s wearing a swimsuit, her skin sun-kissed and glowing.
Melanie lifts the hose to her chest, and then her hair, the rose gold strands darkening as the water runs down her back.
It’s so familiar yet so far away. She looks radiant, happy.
Carefree. Like she’s doing just fine without me.
And that wrecks me.
Not that I want her to be hurting—I don’t.
But it’s because I asked for time and she’s actually giving it to me. She hasn’t reached out once to talk about things.
I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. My instinct is to get out and go to her. Have it out, once and for all. But I still have so much I’m wrestling with. I don’t know what she wants. What I want. If I’m even capable of giving it to her.
I’m gutted over what she lost, what we lost, but it’s the secret of it all that keeps cutting me open.
That she carried the pain alone. She kept it from me all this time.
And maybe that’s because I left without saying goodbye—because I made it easy for her to shut me out.
The guilt of that crushes me. But what twists the knife even deeper is that she’s had these last few months, and she still hasn’t told me.
If she could keep something this big from me, what else is she holding back?
Still, my gaze is pulled to her like a magnet.
She hands the hose to Sophie and wraps herself in a towel, jogging up the front steps to say hello to Liam and his youngest daughter.
I ache for Melanie, watching as the toddler giggles when Melanie tickles her.
I could be on her in three long strides if I wanted to. But I don’t move.
And then, as if she can feel my eyes on her. She looks toward my truck and our eyes lock through the windshield.
Everything stills.
She gives me a small, wistful smile, like we’re strangers who used to know each other inside and out. And then she looks away.
She says something to Liam, and he chuckles. A mix of emotions swirl through me, envy and grief and this deep guttural need to go to her and fix everything that is broken between us.
I reach for my door handle, ready to swing open my door and close the distance between us when Melanie jogs back down the steps and rummages through her beach bag, picking up her phone. She answers it and her face immediately pales.
I lower my window a bit more, desperate to know who she’s talking to and what they want but I can’t quite make out the words. I just know something is wrong. She ends the call, a look of panic etched across her beautiful face.
“Mel, you good?” Liam frowns at her from the porch.
I open my door then, my feet moving involuntarily until I’m three feet from her. I want to reach for her, but I don’t. Not yet.
“It’s my dad,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “He had a heart attack.”
“Where is he?” Liam asks, jogging down the steps, already passing the baby to Sophie. “Is he okay?”
“Cape Memorial Hospital. I—I don’t know.”
“I’ll drive you,” Liam offers.
“No,” I say, my voice louder than I intended. “I will.”
Melanie turns to me and then she just breaks.
No hesitation, no words. She walks straight into my arms. Sobs wrack her small frame as she falls apart.
But I catch her.
Her cries tear through me. I wrap my arms tighter around her, feeling the water from her suit soak through to my shirt.
My hand finds the back of her head, and I pull her into my chest, anchoring her to me.
Anchoring myself to this. There we stand, on the sidewalk, the weight of twenty-five years crashing over us.
The heartbreak, the first love—and then the silence, the songs that never got written.
I don’t know how long we stay like that; I just know one thing is crystal clear—I can’t let her go.
Not now. Not ever.
* * *
Sophie runs inside and returns before Melanie has even pulled away. “I brought you some dry clothes, Mel.” She holds out a tank top and a pair of women’s gym shorts. “You should change before you go.”
Melanie pulls back from me then but doesn’t look away. My thumbs swipe at the tears on her cheeks. “Sophie’s right,” I say, glancing toward her. “Maybe we should pack a small bag, you might be there for a while.”
Melanie nods, looking between the three of us. “Okay, yeah. Thanks.” She takes the clothes from Sophie and rushes toward the house, pausing to look at me. “I’ll just be a minute.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.” I give her a grim smile.
While she’s inside, I move toward the guest cottage, stripping off my wet T-shirt on my way.
I find a dry one and throw it on. I grab my backpack, my phone charger, and a couple of water bottles.
Then I remember my groceries. I jog back to the truck, throwing my backpack inside and grabbing the bags.
I hurry, putting the cold stuff away before spotting Melanie waiting for me at my truck.
Leaving the rest of the groceries, I move toward her, like she’s my lifeline.
Opening the passenger door, I help her inside and hurry around to my side.
“Do you want to stop at home?” I ask, glancing at her as I start the engine.
She shakes her head. “No. Just…let’s go. I don’t know how bad it is.”
I reach across and squeeze her knee cap. She doesn’t pull back, but she looks uncomfortable. “It’ll be okay,” I say, pulling my hand away.
Melanie is quiet for the short drive up the parkway to the hospital. There is so much I want—need—to say, but it’s not the right time. I pull in the emergency room parking lot and she’s unbuckling her seatbelt before I’ve found a spot.
“You can just let me out here.” She doesn’t look at me, only out the window, desperate to get inside the building.
“No way. I’m going with you,” I say, pulling into the closet spot.
“Josh.” Melanie looks at me, her gaze watery.
“Mel, I’m not leaving you.”
She swallows hard and nods. “Okay. Thank you.”
Melanie is out of the truck before I have even picked up my backpack, racing to the crosswalk. I jog to catch up with her. All I want is to pull her close to me and I know this isn’t the time, but I selfishly can’t stop myself. I grip her hand while we wait for the walk signal.
We clamor up the front steps and the automatic door opens for us. The ER is surprisingly quiet and Melanie bolts toward the check-in desk. “Frank Glick?” she asks, urgency clinging to her voice.
“Are you family?” the receptionist asks without looking up.
“I’m his daughter.” Melanie looks at me, panic in her blue eyes.
“And you?” the woman peers up at me now.
“Him too. He’s family,” Melanie answers for me and my heart pulls.
“He’s just through those doors.” She points to her right. “Bay thirteen.”
Melanie rushes to the doors, pressing the button to open them.
“Thank you,” I say to the receptionist, tapping the counter, before hurrying to catch up.
She reaches Bay thirteen first and ducks inside. I follow behind slower, and when I pull back the curtain, I find Melanie already at his bedside, holding his hand.
“Daddy,” she whispers.
Frank Glick, a man I probably haven’t seen since the night of prom in 1999, looks small and frail in the hospital bed.
He is propped up and alert, but he looks pale and tired, the skin around his eyes loose and tinged with shadows.
His gray hair is flattened on one side and the hospital gown falls off his shoulder slightly, revealing lines to his heart monitor.
A blood pressure cuff is on his arm and beeps periodically.
His other arm rests above the blanket, an IV taped to the back.
When he sees Melanie, he turns his head gently and offers her a tired smile, but it’s more in his eyes than his mouth.
“Melly,” he murmurs, his voice gravelly. Then he looks up at me. “Hey, Josh.”
“Frank.” I nod. I hang back, feeling as if I don’t deserve to be here.
Melanie threads her fingers through her dad’s and pulls his hand to her lips, kissing it. “How did you get here? I don’t know who it was that called me.”
“My friend Joan brought me here,” Frank says, looking between us. “She’s still around here somewhere.”
“Who is Joan?” Melanie asks. It’s not accusatory, just curious.
If I’m not mistaken, Frank’s cheeks pinken before he answers.
“We’ve been seeing each other, casually.” Frank stifles a cough.
Melanie’s expression is unreadable, but we’re interrupted by a doctor, stepping in and pulling the curtain closed.
“Mr. Glick.” He nods at Frank and Melanie. “I’m Dr. Ramos, the attending cardiologist.”
“Doc, this is my daughter Melanie and her…” He looks to me. “Partner. Josh.”
“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Ramos says, nodding at each of us.
He pulls the stool from the wall and sits.
“Frank, based on your EKG and bloodwork, we’re seeing signs that part of your heart isn’t getting enough blood.
The good news is, you’re stable, but there’s likely a blockage that needs to be looked at more closely. ”
“So what does that mean?” Melanie asks, reaching for her dad’s hand again.
I keep a wide berth, standing just inside the curtain, but I don’t take my eyes off Frank and Melanie.
“It means you’ll need a procedure called a cardiac catheterization. It’s a minimally invasive procedure where they look at the arteries around your heart by inserting a small tube through your groin. If they find a blockage while they’re in there, they will fix it right then with a stent.”
“Can they do that here?” Frank asks, fear etched in his features.
Dr. Ramos pushes his lips together. “I’m afraid we don’t have a cardiac catheterization lab here. We’re going to transfer you to Cooper University Hospital by ambulance, non-emergency transport, unless something changes. You’ll have the procedure first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Is it safe to wait that long?” I pipe up from my spot near the door.
Melanie jerks her eyes to mine, appreciation behind her watery gaze.
“It is. Frank is stable, his vitals look great. We’ve already started the medications to protect his heart.
The team at Cooper will take great care of him.
” Dr. Ramos stands. “I’m going to put the transfer orders in and call the cath lab to let them know you’re on your way. It shouldn’t be too long.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Melanie says softly.
Dr. Ramos gives her a reassuring look before shifting his attention to me, taking me by surprise. “If you have any questions in the meantime, let the nurses know. I’ll check back in with you before you go.” Then he turns back to Frank. “Don’t worry. We’ll get this taken care of.”
* * *
When he leaves, Melanie sighs. “How do you feel?”
Frank tilts his head at her, a resigned smile twitching on his lips. “You told me to watch my cholesterol.”
“I did.” Melanie smiles softly. “I’m scared.”
“I’m not,” Frank says, patting her arm. “I trust the doctors.”
“Okay,” Melanie whispers. “I’ll be scared for both of us.”
We’re interrupted by a joyful, “Yoohoo!” as a woman dressed like the tropics pulls back the curtain.
“Melly, Josh, I’d like you to meet Joan.”