Chapter 19 #3
When Clara made her way into the Christmas shop, she found Eleanor unpacking boxes. She was frowning and for the first time since Clara had arrived in Hollythorpe, she didn’t look happy.
‘Are you okay?’ Clara asked, going to squeeze her godmother’s shoulder. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’
Eleanor gave her a stiff smile. ‘I’m okay, love – just a bit down.
’ Her mouth tilted and she shook her head.
‘I’ll get over it. I’ve done it a thousand times before.
’ She sighed before turning around. ‘What happened to Loverboy?’ She nodded to the entrance of the shop.
‘I saw him leave. Is he booked into a hotel nearby? Because if you’d prefer him closer, he can stay here.
’ She didn’t look happy at the prospect.
‘No, he’s heading back to New York, he’s gone to catch a flight.’
‘Already?’ Eleanor straightened. She’d strung tinsel around her neck, but it looked lacklustre next to her sad face.
‘Well, yes.’ Clara pushed her hands into her pockets. ‘I mean, there’s so much to do in New York, so he really couldn’t hang about for—’
‘You?’ Eleanor’s expression indicated exactly what she thought about that. ‘Clara…’ She sighed. ‘I’ve told you more than once, you deserve better than someone who cheated on you and then couldn’t be bothered to show up for more than a few hours. Did he explain what happened?’
‘In a way.’ Clara puckered her lips, trying to think back. ‘He was busy and I was too and he made a mistake. He apologised.’
Eleanor nodded slowly. ‘And that makes it okay?’
‘Not really.’ Clara blew out a breath. But as her mother had said, coming here was huge for a man like Hudson. She should appreciate it. ‘He brought my engagement ring, told me he’d got a tree in the flat that I could decorate.’
‘A tree,’ Eleanor said flatly.
Clara lifted a shoulder. ‘I’ve not agreed to return to New York.’
Eleanor stared at her.
‘It’s just Mum was saying—’
‘That you should settle, that you can’t find anyone better?’ her godmother asked. ‘What about Liam? I thought you had feelings for him.’
‘I do.’ Clara grimaced. ‘And I care for him but…’ What if his feelings weren’t that strong?
What if he was planning on going back to his wife?
Would Clara really be enough for him? ‘It’s early days and I’m not looking to just jump from one man to another.
’ Even if Liam did seem to understand her so well.
She sucked in a breath. ‘What if I end up alone and no one else wants me?’ she whispered.
Then her cheeks went up in flames as she realised she’d just described Eleanor’s life.
‘I mean, I didn’t mean…’ she started, horrified.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Eleanor said, her voice low.
‘I’ve got plenty to keep me happy. Friends, this place.
’ Her attention darted outside to where Ezra was striding along the high street carrying a large carrier bag advertising a local art material shop.
‘Grumpy neighbours who don’t want me or Christmas anywhere near their bookshop,’ she finished.
‘I’m sure Ezra didn’t mean what he said,’ Clara said. ‘He was angry, that’s all.’
It was like her godmother hadn’t heard. ‘Think he’s bought some sheets of paper so he can make a sign announcing Christmas isn’t welcome in his shop?’ she asked. ‘Or perhaps he’ll be less subtle and ban me and all the toy elves for good?’
‘I’m sure that’s not what he’s planning. I expect he’ll come and apologise to you soon,’ Clara soothed, going to wrap an arm around the older woman’s shoulder. ‘If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot.’
‘Ah well.’ Eleanor swiped a hand over her brow and leaned down so she could start to unpack baubles again.
‘You’ve got no arguments from me on that score.
And it’s fine.’ She pulled a face. ‘I’m not going to change for someone or put up with behaviour I don’t deserve.
’ Clara took that comment on board. She knew Eleanor hadn’t directed it at her, but it was a good summary of her life.
‘Besides, I’m not interested in Ezra,’ she continued.
‘He’s far too young for me.’ She frowned.
‘Although he appears to have plenty of baggage, regardless.’
Clara chuckled and Eleanor did too.
She paused, her expression kind. ‘The truth is I don’t need a man to make me happy or to make me feel like I’m worth something just because he shows an interest.’ She sighed and gave Clara a pointed look.
‘And neither should you, love. You’re gorgeous, funny, you have a brilliant career.
You don’t need anyone, and it’s past time you realised that. ’
Eleanor went back to unpacking her box and Clara stared at her for a few moments. Was her godmother right? Was being alone, staying single, the best decision all around? It certainly beat living with someone who didn’t really love you. Who made you feel like you weren’t enough.
Then again, her mind drifted to Liam. What about if you really cared for someone? What if you hoped they might learn to care for you too? She nodded. She had a lot to think about.