Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Gilbert took a deep breath and forced his hands to open up, allowing Summer’s hair to spill out.
He took a step back.
He sucked another deep breath into his lungs as they stared at each other, her hands falling off him and her eyes searching his.
“I’m sorry, but that was…amazing. Far better than I dreamed it could be, but we won’t let it happen again, right?” she said, lifting her brows and looking at him.
“Yeah. It won’t happen again. We… We need to set a good example for the kids, and we can’t be sneaking off and kissing all the time.”
“Even if we want to,” she said, making it sound more like a question than a statement.
He nodded. “Even if that’s the only thing I can think about all day long, is getting you in my arms, running my hands through your hair, and your lips on mine, we can’t.”
“Right. I won’t think about it either. Although, now I have much more to think about.”
“Same. It’s one thing to think theoretically, it’s another thing to think in concrete terms.”
“Yeah.”
They stood staring at each other, both of them breathing hard, both of them knowing that what they had just done could not be repeated, and then he wasn’t sure whether it was him, whether it was her, but they seemed to move as one, taking a step toward the other and reaching for each other, his lips coming down as hers lifted, and his hands burying again in her hair as she sighed and melted against him.
This kiss was even better than the first, and he didn’t even know how that was possible.
He was too old to feel things like this.
He was in his thirties, for goodness’ sake.
He wasn’t a teenager anymore, but she made him feel all the things he had originally felt with his wife, only deeper and stronger and with substance behind them.
Since he knew the kind of person she was, and the things that she did, and the way she lived her life.
But she was the kind of person he admired and respected and wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with.
This time, it was her that pulled away, although her lips ran along his jawline and down his neck as her hands moved over his chest and down his rib cage.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, her eyes closed, her words pained.
“I shouldn’t have let you.”
She took a deep breath, and after moving her arms up his chest and down his biceps, she took a deliberate step back. “All right. That was…better than the first one. It makes me wonder if a third might be even more spectacular, but I’m afraid that it would be foolish to try and find out.”
He ran a hand through his hair and hooked it around his neck. What was he going to do? He couldn’t live in the same house as this woman if he couldn’t keep his hands off her. Or, more accurately, his lips.
“Yeah, I was actually just thinking that.”
“If we’re going to do that again, I think I’m going to need to sit down. That, or I’m going to fall.”
“No. Sitting down is way too close to lying down, and that way lies trouble. I don’t want our relationship to go that way. We do have a relationship?” He lifted his brows and couldn’t help holding his breath.
“Yes. Oh goodness, yes.”
He smiled. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
They grinned at each other.
“All right. We’re going to have to figure this out.”
She nodded. “I can move back out. I think it’s probably dangerous for me to live here.”
“No.” The word was said immediately. “If anyone moves out, it’ll be me.”
“But you own the place, and your kids are here.”
“I’m not doing this to play. Maybe I should have said that to begin with, although I wasn’t expecting to kiss you today. I… I’m not messing around.”
“I’m not either,” she said, looking confused.
“I mean, I want to court you. I want to get married. I’m not asking you right now, but I don’t kiss just anyone. And definitely I don’t do it to you.”
“I see what you’re saying. I think kissing should be mostly between married people. I just haven’t been acting that way for the last fifteen minutes.”
“Me either. But that’s what I believe as well. So… It’s not going to be long until I ask you to be my wife. But it seems a little soon right now.”
“Okay,” she said, seeming to be processing what he was saying and keeping up, although she still looked a little dazed, and her lips were definitely swollen. She looked beautiful to him, and he resisted the urge to kiss her again.
“So, I have some thoughts. Do you want to hear them?”
“Sure. I guess I don’t have any thoughts right now.” She rolled her eyes and laughed a little, and he wanted to reach out to put his hand on her shoulder, to tell her that he understood. But he did think it was better to not touch her.
“All right, I guess I just might as well be up front and say it’s better if I don’t touch you.”
“I agree. I think that’s probably where we went wrong. If you have that guard in place, you’re certainly not going to do anything else that you shouldn’t be doing.”
“Exactly. So, no touching, then I don’t have to say no kissing or anything else.”
“Right. I’ll try to control myself, and you seem to have plenty of self-control—”
“No. I’ll have to work on controlling myself as well. I think making sure that the children are around as long as they’re home is probably a good idea.”
“Yes. That’s a good idea.”
“And learning as much as we can about each other, so that we’re sure this is the right way to go, is probably another good idea.”
“I always thought the best way to learn about someone was to work with them. When you do that, you know how they respond to situations that don’t go their way.”
“I agree. Just living life. Like if you could see me this morning when I burned the pancakes and broke the measuring cup, you would see how I act when I’m under pressure.”
“Yeah. I guess you see me when I’m working with my clients, but you didn’t see me crying in my house when I knew I was going to have to sell my horses.”
“I’d rather you sit and cry than stomp around and break stuff.”
“I didn’t do that, but I guess maybe I was a little tempted to.”
“I can imagine.”
“Well, I think we all have those sides of our personality that we hope don’t come out or see the light of day.”
“For some reason, that reminds me that my family was hoping that we could have Thanksgiving here at our house.”
“Of course. Do you need me to leave for the day?” she asked, and while she looked like she was willing to do it, he thought there might have been a little bit of hurt in her undertone.
“No!” He shook his head. “No. I was thinking that maybe… Maybe I could tell them that you and I are…” He shrugged and laughed. What was he going to say? How would he describe them? “I don’t know what to call us.”
“That we’re together?”
“That I’m hoping we’ll be married before Christmas?” he countered.
“Before Christmas?” She blinked.
“I told you I wasn’t missing round. I don’t want to push you. If you think that’s too soon. I don’t trust my self-control, and I also don’t know how wise it is for us to be living together if we’re together. People are going to talk. And the shorter that amount of time is, the better.”
Already she was nodding in agreement. “I see, and I agree. Definitely we can tell your family that we’re together and hope to be married before Christmas.”
“That’s not too soon?”
“It might take a little getting used to, but we can tell your family, and maybe we can ask them to just keep it under their hats for a bit?”
“My family will do that. My mom is the one who really talks to people, but she doesn’t spread gossip about her children, and I know she definitely won’t if I ask her specifically not to.”
“All right then. Let’s do it.”
“I’ll help you with the meal. I’m not expecting you to cook it all by yourself, and I’m not expecting you to be by yourself either.”
“I don’t mind. I’ve never gotten to cook a Thanksgiving meal for a big family like that. I’ve actually always dreamed about having a big family on Christmas. So Thanksgiving is kind of a dream come true. Almost.”
He laughed. “I guess you could ask them if they’d like to come on Christmas too, just so they can make your dreams come true.”
“That’s really sweet.” She looked like she wanted to close the distance between them and put her arms around him, and he knew that if she did that, he wasn’t going to be able to step away from her. Because he was fighting the urge to do the same.
“All right, then we’ll try to work together, and spend time together, but not alone, and that’ll be easy because the kids have school off starting Wednesday and they’re off until Tuesday of next week.”
“All right. We won’t have to worry about anything until next Tuesday. And after that, maybe I’ll be working with my clients during the day.”
“And I can focus on doing some other repairs around the place. I noticed that the basement was starting to be finished, but it looked like someone stopped in the middle of it.”
“That’s where my mom ran out of money for the last time.”
“I have a little bit of extra, and maybe I’ll work on that. It’ll be a nice place for the kids to play in the winter when it’s not nice enough to go outside.”
“That sounds like a good idea. I’m sure they would enjoy that.”
“So, I guess I don’t need to point out to you that this old man comes with three kids.”
“You’re not an old man, and I think that’s an asset. Not a liability.”
“I think that’s what makes you special. Because most women wouldn’t see it that way.”
“I do. For sure.”
“Do you want children of your own?” he asked softly, knowing that it didn’t matter either way to him. Although, the more time he spent with her, the more he wouldn’t mind raising a child with her. One with her eyes and her heart-shaped face.
“I used to. But… I don’t want you to have to start all over. That maybe seems a little discouraging. And you’ve been at this raising kids thing for a while. Maybe you’re ready to be done.”
“I guess you can keep thinking about it. Because if you’d like kids, I’m fine with that, but I guess I’m not desperate to have more.”
She nodded, and he thought that she would be honest with him and tell him if she really felt strongly one way or the other.
He had been absolutely honest in telling her that he didn’t care.
Although, he supposed he was leaning a little bit more toward not.
Which wasn’t very romantic, but she was right, he’d been doing it for a while, and he knew how much time small children took.
He’d like to be able to just spend time with Summer and not have children between them.
“Maybe we can adopt,” Summer said suddenly as she bent to pick up the box of staples that she dropped.
“Yeah. I guess I never thought about that, but I’d be okay with that.”
“We could be foster parents. That way, we have children, but maybe not all the time, as they come and go in our house.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I wouldn’t want your children to be put out, if we did that.”
“We could talk to them and see how they feel about it, but I kind of feel like they might be excited about sharing their home with other kids.”
“I thought that’s the way they’d feel too. They have such big hearts. Maybe that comes with losing their mom, but they’re very empathetic.”
“Thank you,” he said, bending over and picking up the board.
He hadn’t meant to kiss her, hadn’t meant to lose control of himself the way he had, but he thought that maybe it worked out.
They’d set some boundaries, and if they could stick with them, maybe they could develop the kind of relationship that wasn’t based on physical attraction, although that was obviously between them, but based on biblical love and character.
After all, he’d been married to someone who didn’t have that kind of character, and he didn’t want to make that mistake again.
While he was almost certain he wasn’t going to be making it with Summer, she didn’t know for sure about him.
At least, he assumed she didn’t. Maybe she saw things that he didn’t know about.
As they walked slowly back to the house, he thought about those things but decided that maybe they should focus more on the practical stuff, and those other things would take care of themselves.
“Do you want me to do the grocery shopping for Thursday?”
“I can do it. Is there anything that your family always has that I need to make sure I get? Or is turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy—the traditional meal—what they’re expecting?”
“My sister always makes stuffing balls. That’s Amy. Maybe I can give you her number, and she can let you know what the recipe is. I think that’s pretty much the only thing that would cause a mutiny if it’s not on the table.”
“All right. As much as I’m curious as to how you react when your family mutinies, I would prefer not to have it on Thanksgiving. So give me Amy’s number, and I’ll text her.”
He laughed, loving that she was willing to be humble enough to do what his family was used to.
He sent her a text with Amy’s number and then said, “I’m not going to be here tomorrow for a while, because I have that thing that Mrs. Tucker asked me to do, but otherwise, I’ll be here when your horses get here, in case you have something else planned.”
“I should be here all week, other than tomorrow while I’m helping Sunny.
” Her face got a little cloudy, and he wasn’t quite sure what was wrong.
“But if I realize that I have to be out, I’ll text you, and I appreciate your offer.
I know that horses are not people, and I try to keep them in their proper place, but it was pretty devastating to have to let them go, and I’m excited about them coming back. ”
“It makes me happy to see you happy.” Maybe that was how he knew for sure that the direction he was going with Summer was the right one. When his heart got so happy it could burst, just to see her smile, it was a pretty good indication that she meant a lot to him.