19. Knox #2
Hard to believe, but it turned out we were maybe forty feet from my cabin. Might as well have been forty miles. I’d never have found it.
He got the door open with me hanging off him, got us both inside, and shouldered it shut against the wind. The sudden absence of that roar was like going deaf. All I could hear was our breath, coming hard and fast. And warmth. It was all around me now. Snow melted off us onto the floor.
Grant steered me down onto the hearth rug, close to the fire, and started hauling my wet coat off me like I was a kid.
I let him, because I couldn’t have worked a button to save my life, as my hands were too cold to move.
He got a wool blanket around me, and tossed two more logs onto the fire.
He crouched down, taking my hands in his big ones and just held them, hard. “That hurts. Real bad.”
“Thank God,” Grant said. “You want it to hurt. Hurting means you get to keep your fingers.” He let go and stood, his eyes flashing with fury. “What in God’s name were you doing out there?”
“Trying to talk to Madeleine.” My voice came out like a window cracking from the cold. “She wouldn’t let me in. So I left but I got turned around.”
“You were headed for the creek.” Grant said it flat. “Another few minutes.” He didn’t finish it. Didn’t have to. “Take off your clothes. Let’s get you into something dry.”
It took some doing but we managed to get my pants and flannel shirt off. He found another pair of jeans and a sweater in one of the drawers. I put them on, teeth chattering and crawled into one of the leather chairs by the fire.
“Do you have any booze?” Grant asked as he covered me with the blanket once again.
“Jack on the shelf,” I said, gritting my teeth to stop the chattering.
He went to a shelf and came back with the bottle, pouring two fingers into a glass and pushing it into my hands, wrapping my fingers around it when they wouldn’t quite close on their own.
“Drink that. Nice and slow.”
It went down in a fiery trail and bloomed warm behind my ribs.
I coughed, and Grant didn’t smile. I’d shaken him up good.
He poured himself a drink, and lowered himself into the chair beside me.
For a while, neither of us said anything, allowing the fire and the storm and the whiskey to do their work.
“How did you know I was out there?” I asked, holding out my glass for another pour.
“I saw you knocking on Madeleine’s cabin door and then stumble out into the storm. Used the ropes with some skills I learned from my dad. He used to blindfold me back on the farm so I could figure out how to get home from wherever he dropped me.”
“Um, yeah, okay. So your unhinged father actually helped you save my life. Here’s to Daddy Walker.”
We clinked glasses.
“For real, though,” I said. “Thank you. I thought I was going to die.”
“What were you doing? Besides scaring a man half to death?”
I told him everything, from the beginning, and ending with me standing at her door knocking like a fool. “She let me go out in that,” I said, trying not to cry. “She left me out there to die. After I told her I loved her. Who does that?”
“I can’t believe she would do that,” Grant said. “She must not have heard you.”
“Seems unlikely. Small cabin.”
“But the wind was howling pretty good,” Grant said.
“I let myself fall really hard. I don’t know who I’m angrier at—her or myself.”
“You deserve a conversation and some answers,” Grant said. “She owes you that much.”
“She hates the word owe.”
“Too bad.” Grant’s eyes flashed. “You don’t do what you two did this month and not at least have a conversation about it.”
“It’s over,” I said, hot tears flooding my eyes. “She’s made sure of that. I can’t forgive her for this.”
“If she did hear you and didn’t let you in, then yeah. But we know Madeleine. She’s good people, even though she comes off as driven and cold. But we’ve all seen another side of her here. We all think it’s because of you. You’ve brought out her playful, fun side.”
Mindy Sue. But she was surely never allowed out again. Not after today.
“I do wonder what happened between now and yesterday,” I said. “Can’t help but want to know what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. This is all her. She’s one of the bravest people I know but also the most cowardly. When it comes to her personal life, she always chooses to walk away. That’s just who she is.”
“I was thinking out there about you and the other boys—how you’re my family.
” I was crying now and I didn’t care. “You’ve all brought out the best in me.
Given me a place to belong. Made it the time of my life.
I thought I was going to die, you know, and it was all so clear.
” I tapped my forehead. “This life—this beautiful life we built—it’s because of all of you. My brothers.”
Grant, my big, muscular, manly friend teared up. “Now stop that. You didn’t die. You’re right here, drinking whiskey with your brother.”
“I’m glad I have the chance to tell you I love you,” I said, tears still coming. “I didn’t think I would. Not to mention I’d ruin Ivy’s wedding if I was dead three days before the ceremony.” I laughed mixed with crying. “She would have killed me all over again.”
“It would have ruined the wedding, that’s for certain.” Grant poured himself another drink. “I don’t know about Montana. This place does a thing to a man.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. “It’s turned me into an idiot.”
“To be fair, you’ve always been an idiot most of the time.”
I sighed, wiping my eyes, laughing some more. “Thank God I have another chance to make better choices. Thanks to you.”
“Ivy would’ve been really mad if we were both dead,” Grant said. “I didn’t think about that part. Saw you out there and I didn’t think twice. Like you said, I guess my dad did something good.”
“You’re my family. You know that, right?”
“You’re my family too. I would never want anything to pull us apart.”
I peered at him. “You got something on your mind?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Is it Luci?” I asked.
He blinked, turning to look at me. “Luci?”
“I can see how you feel about her. I’ve suspected it for years.”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“I may be a jackass at times, but I see things, especially when it involves one of you.”
“I can’t do it, Knox. I can’t hurt Jack that way.”
“You think he’d be opposed?”
“Wouldn’t you be if you were him?”
“Um, actually, no. I’d be real happy if my sister was in love with a man who would risk his own life in a snowstorm to save his idiot friend. Dude, you’re one of the good ones. Jack knows that.”
“Yeah, but what if I messed it up and hurt Luci? He’d never forgive me. I’d wreck the band.”
“Do you know how Luci feels?” I asked.
He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I do.”
“And?”
“There have been … things … that have transpired between us. But we both know it’s too risky to go beyond this month.
She’s got her clinic to run. We’ll be back to normal life in the new year.
Regardless, I’m caught in a web of secrets.
Feels like I can’t so much as look Jack in the eye. I’m being slowly tortured.”
I cursed under my breath. “This whole temporary world we’ve been living in has created havoc for us. I’m sorry.”
“I keep telling myself that a month with her is better than no time at all. But as the days go by, I’m starting to wonder if I was right about that. The longer we’re together, the more I want.”
“I wish I had some advice for you, but I’ve got nothing.”
“Same goes for me,” Grant said.
“I guess we just sit here in front of the fire until the storm blows over.”
“If only it were that easy.”
We both knew we weren’t talking about the snowstorm.