Chapter 6
Six
“So tell me—how did your date with Chris go last night?” Mindy finally asked the question Jane had been dreading. It had taken her more than two hours to just blurt it out. That must’ve been some sort of record. Usually Mindy wanted all the details way sooner than that.
Jane shrugged, taking another sip of her coffee. “It really wasn’t a date.”
Mindy grinned and pinched a piece off the blueberry muffin in front of her, popping it into her mouth. “Liar.”
She ignored her irritating older sister. “It was fine. The movie was terrible.”
“Really? Which one did you see?”
Jane gave a brief description of the stupidity of it all. “Barely anyone was in the theater. Some of the people even walked out in the middle.”
“And you two didn’t? Why suffer through it? I’m sure they would’ve given you free tickets for something else.” Mindy paused, staring at Jane for a beat, then two. “You’re blushing. What did you do instead of watching that movie?”
Jane waved a hand in front of her face, cursing her fair complexion and propensity for blushing. Her face had always given her away. “Nothing.”
Mindy’s brows arched. “Did you kiss him?”
“Shh. Don’t say that. I don’t want the kids to hear.” All of them were in the family room watching cartoons, and she really didn’t need her children overhearing this particular conversation. “We didn’t kiss.”
The lie did not come out easily, and Mindy knew it.
“You little liar. You so did! Tell me, is he any good? He has such a sexy mouth.” Mindy grinned.
A deep blush flooded her skin at her sister’s words. “Mindy, you’re a married woman.”
“Hey, I can notice these things. And come on, you know it’s true. Besides, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I’m dead.” Mindy grimaced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it—”
“Stop it, don’t apologize. I know what you meant.” Jeez, no one in her family could mention anything about death without apologizing to her.
“So come on, give me a few details. Let me live through you,” Mindy urged.
“Fine. We may have kissed.” A tiny smile formed, and she realized she wanted to talk about it. As if she were some sort of teenager swooning over her secret crush.
“And how was it?” Mindy rubbed her hands together, and Jane couldn’t help but laugh. It felt good to be so relaxed with her sister. Like back in the old days, when everything was so much more carefree.
“It was—good.” Not even close to good—more like fantastic, unbelievable, amazing. But she didn’t want to brag. And she didn’t want to dwell, since she wasn’t going to see him anymore. Why rub it in like salt in a wound?
“I bet it was more than good. But I understand if you don’t want to kiss and tell.”
“I told him I didn’t want to see him again,” Jane admitted, her voice low.
Mindy’s mouth dropped open. “Why in the world would you do that? I thought you liked this guy. You two had major chemistry going on.”
“We don’t have chemistry,” she protested, but Mindy just laughed.
“Honey, you two had so much chemistry, I could practically taste it that night at the spaghetti feed. The way he looked at you—whew.” Mindy fanned herself, a melancholy expression crossing her face. “I wish Marty looked at me like that.”
“I bet he does. Maybe you just don’t notice.”
“No, I don’t think he’s ever looked at me like that.” Mindy sighed, sounding wistful. “So why would you tell him you didn’t want to see him again?”
Jane shrugged, feeling stupid. “I need to focus on the children. On Lexi. The holidays are almost here and I can’t be distracted by a man when my main goal is to make this the best Christmas ever for those three.
Plus, his job is too dangerous. I’d worry about him all the time. Oh yeah, and he’s too perfect—”
“Honey, you’re worrying way too much about the future and not even giving him a chance! And hey, aren’t we all perfect with the first blush of love?”
“There’s no love involved whatsoever.” God forbid. It was far too soon for that. She couldn’t believe her sister had dropped that word. “I just think he has to have a huge flaw hidden somewhere in his depths. And I bet it’s a doozy. It has to be.”
“Well, like I told you, I’ve heard he’s a player.
But they say that about Mac, too, and I don’t see him parading women around.
Chris is respected in the community, his job allows him to be the hero every single day, he’s gorgeous, and he seems to like your kids.
” Mindy’s brows shot up. “What more could you ask for?”
“Exactly my point. He’s way too perfect.” Jane shrugged, her worries confirmed. She had just gone on a date with a man who went through women like Kleenex. Great. “Audrey Daniels told me he’s a player, too. I ran into her last night at the theater.”
Mindy snorted. “Audrey Daniels loves nothing more than to stir the pot.”
“She was kind of rude to me. She almost seemed happy that the children and I were ‘suffering,’ as she put it.” Jane shook her head, remembering how crappy Audrey’s words made her feel.
Mindy nodded. “She’s a total bitch, trust me.
Steer clear of her. You know, now that I think about it, I heard a rumor about her and Chris.
Apparently, at the big Fourth of July bash last year, she approached him and took off her bikini top, gave him a real show.
He tossed her a blanket and walked away. ”
Why that warmed the remote corners of Jane’s heart she refused to think about. She already knew he was a gentleman. This story proved it, despite the earlier player confirmation. “Poor Chris.”
“Poor Chris is right. She couldn’t stop throwing herself at him every chance she got. I wasn’t around when all of this happened, but I heard it was pretty embarrassing. She made a fool of herself.”
“No wonder she’s getting a divorce.” Sounded as if Audrey self-imploded.
“Exactly.”
“Doesn’t she have, like, five kids?”
“And she breast fed every one of them.” Mindy grinned.
“I bet those things are pretty droopy.” Jane giggled. She didn’t like talking badly about people—she knew what it felt like, the stares and the whispers and the back talking. She’d been whispered about for months after the accident. She bet people still talked about her.
But bitchy Audrey Daniels kind of deserved it.
“I’m positive those things are droopy. They probably fall to her knees when let loose. And I’m sure Audrey said that to you because she was jealous.”
“Why would she be? Please. I’m not the first girl he’s taken to the movies.
Someone as hot as Chris can’t possibly go without female attention for long.
” Jane picked at a napkin, shredding the thin paper strip by strip.
“He’s going out of town for a week. For work. But he said he wants to see me again.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I can’t see him anymore. My hands are tied.” Jane shrugged.
“They are not. That’s about the dumbest thing I think I’ve ever heard you say, and I’ve heard you say lots of dumb stuff.” Mindy shook her head. “Who cares about his supposed reputation? It could be fun, dating him. Why would you want to give up on something before it even started?”
Jane’s entire body went cold. Why would she indeed?
He might look like a total god but she was certainly no prize.
She’d barely looked at herself naked in the mirror since the accident.
Oh, she caught glimpses when she left the shower, but she always dodged the steamy mirror or wrapped her body tight in a towel.
When she couldn’t face her own body, how could she expose herself to a man? How could she expect him to react with anything but disgust? When he touched her face, her scars, how embarrassed she’d been, so ashamed. She could never be pretty again.
“He’d realize he wouldn’t want me,” Jane finally murmured, feeling sorry for herself and hating herself for it all at once. She’d allowed a pity party or two when she first got out of the hospital, but she tried not to do it anymore. She needed to be tough.
Or at least pretend to be.
“Why do you sell yourself so short?” Mindy ducked her head so their gazes met, and Jane studied Mindy, really studied her. Looking at her sister reminded Jane of who she used to be. A wife. A mother. Comfortable and secure in her position. Content.
Older by four years, Mindy was blonde to Jane’s brown, their features similar but definitely not the same. They shared the same eye color, though, and the same laugh. And once upon a time, Jane had just as ample a chest as Mindy did.
She’d lost so much weight after the accident that she was actually working on gaining some of it back now. And hopefully she’d gain her old figure back, too.
“I used to have everything.” Jane cleared her throat.
She’d never admitted this to anyone. “I had the handsome, successful husband. We lived in the perfect house in an affluent neighborhood and we had three beautiful children. I had friends, we belonged to a country club, and I went there five times a week for yoga or tennis.”
Mindy wrinkled her nose, but Jane ignored her.
“I had what I thought was the perfect life. I was no supermodel, but my friends and my husband considered me pretty. I felt pretty. I felt good about myself.”
“You should still feel good about yourself,” Mindy encouraged. “You’ve lived through so much and come out the other end. You almost lost everything.”
“I did lose everything. But I gained new things. A new life here in Lone Pine Lake, with my children and my family. And I realized a few things, too.” Jane leaned across the table.
“My old life was a facade. The second the fire happened, none of those so-called friends rallied around me for support. Not one. And my perfect husband…he was a complete workaholic who often ignored his family. And his wife. He worked long hours, through the weekends even, and we rarely saw him. Ever. He sacrificed everything for his career.”
“Sounds like Marty,” Mindy muttered, and Jane reached across the table to rest her hand on top of her sister’s.
“I hated it. Deep down inside, I was unhappy, but I never wanted to admit it. Always having to take care of everything and everyone, putting on this happy face and pretending life was wonderful. At the time, I just did it because I thought I had to. Now I realize how imperfect my perfect life was.”
“What does this have to do with your turning down Chris?” Mindy frowned.
Jane shrugged. She really didn’t know. It just felt good to get that all off her chest. But how did her past relate to her new present?
“I can’t get caught up in a man and risk my heart again.
Besides, I need to consider what he does for a living.
He puts his life on the line every single day.
Just thinking about it gives me an anxiety attack.
I need to be strong for my kids. I’m all they have.
” Jane sat up straighter, proud of her answer.
“I think you’ve been doing a fabulous job, being there for the children. You’ve always been a terrific mother,” Mindy said, her voice gentle. “And I think Chris could only enhance your life, and the kids’ lives too, despite what he does for a living. He’s a cautious guy. He knows what he’s doing.”
“He can’t control everything that happens to him, you know.” He could get hurt. He could…die on the job. A firefighter’s job was treacherous. And she couldn’t go through something like that again. Couldn’t lose another man who worked his way inside her heart.
She wouldn’t be able to bear it.
“You have your children, your family, yourself. I think you’ll know better this time than to allow yourself to get caught up in a man again.” Mindy turned to stare out the kitchen window. “I’ve done that. Marty has been my whole life for years, and he doesn’t care about me or the kids.”
“That’s not true, Mind—” Jane started, but her sister cut her off with a look.
“It is true. I think he’s having an affair. I…I think he’s with her this weekend. I don’t have proof but…I think he’s been seeing her for a while.” Mindy suddenly burst into tears, and Jane wanted to cry right along with her. But one of them needed to be strong, and right now, that was Jane’s role.
“What are you going to do about it, hon?” she asked, rubbing her sister’s back.
Mindy glared at her through the tears. “What can I do? He denies it every time I ask him, but I know he’s lying.
I just wish I could catch him. He tells me he’s working late or is meeting colleagues for dinner, and when I call him a liar, he talks to me in this certain voice, like he’s my dad and I’m his stupid, defiant child.
His constant lies makes me feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do.”
Jane took her big sister in her arms and let Mindy cry it out. There was nothing she could say, no comforting words she could offer. Mindy needed to figure this out on her own.
Seeing her sister like this reminded her of her past, of her old friends.
So many of them had complained their husbands were cheaters, that they were completely uninterested in them.
Jane never suspected Stephen of being involved with another woman though.
The only mistress in his life had been his career as the great and mighty corporate headhunter.
He’d worked so hard to have all that success and by the age of thirty-one, he’d done it.
He also died a short two months later.
She didn’t want that sort of life anymore. Never again. She was going to do things on her terms, and right now, Christian Nelson didn’t fit in her terms.