Chapter 10 Bree
It happened again.
I lost time. Slipped into the living nightmare.
Every day seemed to be a new struggle.
My arms wrapped around my middle, my anxiety spiked, and I worried I’d never return to the young woman I’d once been.
He kept showing up. I couldn’t fight him or prevent it.
The words spoken to me repeated in my head, a constant reminder of the used goods I’d become, just as Chronos predicted.
“You’ll never be able to escape me.”
Wincing, I pressed against my temples, rubbing away the ache that throbbed as proof of my lack of sleep.
“No man will ever want you after me. You’re ruined.”
“No,” I whispered, hating how those words took root in my heart and tainted everything and everyone around me.
“Everyone will always know. They’ll sense what happened to you, and they’ll think you’re a whore.”
“No!” I shouted, rushing to my feet, panic clawing its way out.
“Bree?”
My sister’s strained voice ripped away the voice of my rapist.
I turned to her, wishing I knew what to say to alleviate the concern and worry she couldn’t hide. “I’m okay.”
“No, Bree,” she contradicted, her voice breaking. “You’re not.”
I didn’t argue the truth.
When I didn’t reply, she frowned, the crease between her eyes deepening as we stood in silence.
“I don’t know how to help you,” she finally confided, rushing forward to hug me.
It should have been simple. Hugs were miraculous things.
But not now. Not after Chronos and being taken and every part of me tainted, violated, shattered.
I held up my hands, taking a few steps backward.
“Bree.” The hurt that action caused punched me in the gut, watching her flinch.
“I can’t. I want to, Bell, but it’s not possible.”
She dragged a breath into her lungs, nodding. “Okay. We’ll work up to it. Alright?”
I didn’t have the heart to admit I didn’t think it would ever happen. “Okay.”
Sighing, I felt fatigued all the way down to my bones.
“Want a cup of tea?”
“Sure.” Tea. How fucking insignificant and boring my life had become. Nothing quite as disarming as realizing my rescue only brought more disappointment, and the freedom I thought I finally achieved was, in fact, more chains weighing me down.
Bella gave me a wobbly smile and headed toward the back door leading to the common room and kitchen.
As soon as her back was turned, I sank onto the chair facing the miles of desert beyond the gates.
Palm trees swayed in the hot Nevada wind while the bent arms of cacti reached upward for the sun’s rays.
Life continued on as if I had never been kidnapped, cheerily slipping from one minute to the next, always moving forward in endless time as if it had reason to steadily tick each second on the clock.
Would I always feel like this? As if I was slowly being strangled? Was this a new normal for me now?
If so, I didn’t think I could endure it.
“Sun’s perfect today. Don’t ya think?”
The deep rumble of Raven’s voice shook away the cobwebs, bringing warmth and light back to my dreary, dark soul.
If only he could erase it all for good.
My head lifted, catching the smile that turned up the corners of his lips and popped the dimple in his left cheek.
I’d always found him attractive, even more so now, with his wide shoulders taking up most of the space in front of me.
His cut draped over a pristine white tee shirt that stretched thin over his biceps and hugged his torso like it longed to caress the planes of sculpted muscle beneath the layer.
His whiskered jaw and tapered beard held just enough scruff to be appealing yet still boasted a carefree albeit indulgent pride in his appearance.
Sunglasses hid his striking pale blue eyes, one of his best features.
His bald head was kissed by the sun, the same as his arms that rippled with more smooth muscle and endless inches of dark ink.
He was built like a tank, solid, and yet nothing about him intimidated me. Odd. You’d think I would be terrified of men after my capture, but nothing about Raven threatened me.
Just the opposite.
He made me feel safe when not a damn thing else in this world had that capability.
“The sun is nice,” I agreed.
A deep chuckle left his lips. “You don’t have to agree, sweetheart. Hate that fucking sun if you want.”
I blinked.
He ticked his chin at me. “You soak up all the rays you desire. Or you can flip off the goddamn world. Scream at the sky or pound your chest like an ape. Whatever you got twisting you up inside, let it loose, babygirl. Ain’t gonna do you no good growing weeds inside ya.”
I stood on shaky legs, taking the first piece of advice anyone had given me that actually made sense.
He gestured outward with his arm, stepping to the side as I tilted my head back . . . and screamed.
The full-bodied cry of rage and pain and sorrow left my lips so fast I stumbled.
A strong hand gently met my back, holding me upright as I felt another scream rising, climbing up my gut, and clawing its way out.
I let it burst from my mouth, shaking with adrenaline and something close to euphoria, hating it and enjoying it at the same time.
And when two more rose, exploding from my body with a force I could barely contain, I tilted my head back and let the sun’s rays bathe me in golden release.
“I feel it now,” I whispered, reaching out, unsure why, until I felt his hand close around mine.
“What you feel?”
“My soul . . . healing.”
His free hand slapped his chest over his heart as I turned, gazing through the sunglasses, sensing a lost soul as tormented as my own.
“Gonna take some time, babygirl.”
“I know but I’m not afraid of it anymore.”
I didn’t realize until now that I’d avoided all of this because I didn’t want to hurt anymore, and I was scared to let myself feel the full weight of my pain and suffering. But to heal, I had to face all of it, and while that was terrifying, it was also liberating.
His hand squeezed once before interlocking our fingers. “You see as wisely and vast as the crow.”
“Or as shrewdly and unrestricted as a raven.”
Something dark and predatory flashed across his face, drawing me in. A grin appeared, popping that dimple even bigger. “Damn, babygirl. You’re fucking fierce.”
I’D NEVER BEEN A GIRL swayed by tight leather and a wild ride on a Harley.
Bad boys had never been my thing—the exact opposite of Bella.
My sister drooled over bikers like Crow, with dark hair and plenty of ink, attitudes, and outlaws with alpha male personalities and plenty of bad habits.
Men who lived and rode hard took what they wanted from this world and lived by their own rules.
So when I couldn’t stop staring at Raven, admiring the black ink wrapping around his shoulders, biceps, and forearms, I felt embarrassed but also attracted to the powerful man who stood with confidence and authority around his mc brothers, pressing a cigar to his lips and inhaling the spicy smoke.
I could see the appeal of this lifestyle, but also the seductive lure of it, especially with a man like Raven. When he turned, I caught a nice long glimpse of his ass in his jeans, downright sinful.
As the V.P. of the Devil’s Murder, he held a position as important as Crow. The men listened when he spoke, treating him with respect. This hierarchy within the mc was new and confusing, but I was learning.
Unlike my sister, I never had an interest in bars or booze.
I was never much of a drinker, either. She did all the partying for us both.
I was the good girl, the student with straight A’s.
I did everything right, and all that was expected of me.
I made it my mission to please my Gram, hoping to make her proud.
I always imagined my parents looking down from heaven, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.
I earned two degrees—one in hospitality management and the other in business.
It occurred to me as I sat alone in the corner of the billiards room, perched on one of the dark brown leather couches, that I never did much of anything that I truly wanted to do. I made my decisions on what I thought I was supposed to do, but that wasn’t the same.
Did I regret my choices? No.
But looking around the room at the men and women who didn’t allow society to dictate their lives, I grew a little jealous.
What would it be like to approach life in such a carefree manner?
Was that the secret to happiness? Flipping off the world and its judgment while embracing what your heart truly desired, even if it went against what society dictated?
Maybe. I didn’t have the experience to decide. Not yet.
I scooted back against the seat, forcing myself to relax even if every muscle in my body wanted to stiffen and stay on alert. My pulse raced in my veins, but I tried to remain calm. My breathing slowly stabilized.
Someday, with a little time and patience, I’d have less anxiety.
Lifting my head, I locked eyes with Raven.
I couldn’t be sure how long he’d been watching me. From the moment I sat on the couch? Or when I entered the room?
He made no secret of it, sipping from a beer while a couple of his MC brothers stood around him, discussing something I was too far away to hear.
His blue gaze softened as neither of us looked away.
I’d read plenty of romance novels and watched far too many movies to believe that two people could ever connect and fall in love at first sight. It was fiction.
The left side of his mouth twitched, popping out his dimple.
A smile that could drop panties and melt hearts lifted the corners of his lips. A smile intended for one person only.
Me. The kidnapped, broken, dirty girl ruined by a monster.
For reasons I didn’t think I would ever fathom, I felt the warmth of that smile deep inside, settling over the cold, barren wasteland of my heart and coaxing it to beat again, to hunger for life, and desire a man that embodied sex and sin and naughty nights between the sheets.
Maybe I wouldn’t be ready to partake in them for a long time, but appreciating that he could be the one to help me, blossomed a fierce affection for the tattooed hunk of a biker.
“One day,” I whispered, returning his smile. “I want it to be you.”
Like he heard me, his blue eyes darkened, and a look of feral need swept across his face.
One hand lifted, tapping over his heart.
I returned the gesture, feeling shy but warm. Truly warm.
And it was because of Raven.