12. Chapter 12 #2
I shook my head but then suddenly stopped.
Another flash of images took over as my consciousness finally became clear.
My fingers pulsed as they, too, recalled what had happened.
Guards fighting. I heard the shrill of metal against metal.
Felt the blasts of wind against my skin.
The guards’ eyes, wide and full of fear, as someone yelled at me to stop, and yet—I pulled anyway.
Their faces froze in terror as light circled my palm.
How I cradled their lifesource to bring them death.
I…brought them…their deaths.
My stomach dropped as my heart cracked in tiny pieces. I killed again but they weren’t vicious beasts—no, these were people. I heard the remnants of my own laughter in my memories as I took something so precious from those guards.
I relished in their deaths.
I was their death.
I am death.
Bile crept up in my stomach. I couldn’t breathe. I had killed. Why did I kill? Was this truly the only method I could resort to? Was there no in-between? Did I carelessly take something just because I had the power to?
No. This wasn’t what I was becoming, was it? My hands shook in terror as the images replayed in my mind over and over. I couldn’t stop the flashes of shadows being released from my hand and twining around the bright glow, and the memory of how it tasted sweeter than nectar.
My body was frozen as a reluctant sob escaped the bottomless pit that was my chest. I had no heart. No soul. How could I?
Deep within my ribs, I felt my heartbeat rise to an unsteady rhythm at the same time my chest tightened further. Tremors took control of my body the more the images flashed. The world around me swayed harder, no matter how tightly I gripped the sheets to try and ground myself.
My throat closed and my mind threatened to lose consciousness once again.
My lungs refused to breathe, drawing in too short and quick of breaths.
How could I? I deserved my end. I shouldn’t have this power.
I’m clearly too weak to hold the illicitus if I used it so recklessly without thinking of its consequences.
If I lost myself once more, would I be tempted to take Ora’s life again?
Suddenly I wanted to feel the pain back within my skull as a reminder that I needed to be stopped.
The thought that I needed to be stopped threatened to shatter me completely.
I always said the same thing. Why Thuvina wanted to bless you of all creatures is beyond me.
I didn’t even have the strength to rebuke the ink inside my head. It was right, wasn’t it? This whole time?
“Please,” I began. I closed my eyes as I tried to find my breath. “Please tell me I didn’t do it.” I needed the images that I saw swirling in my mind to be a lie. Please be a lie.
“First, I need you to breathe.” I heard his soft voice as the weight shifted on the bed beside me.
Strong hands untangled from mine right before I was scooped up to nestle against something solid.
“I learned this from a friend. Follow my lead,” Peiro gently urged as he took a deep inhale and slow exhale.
He repeated the pattern, urging me to follow. “Breathe, Naa’n le’ya. Find your calm.”
The short bursts of air turned into deeper ones as I followed his instruction, my lungs welcoming the relief. The dizziness behind my eyes slowly dissipated until I felt steady. His fingers rubbed up and down my back as his other hand guided my head to his chest.
“What do you see?” Peiro whispered.
I opened my eyes, taking in the fading light of the room. “I see an overly decorated room.” I swallowed as I continued, “Someone has shitty tastes.”
A warm chuckle rumbled within his chest. “Good. And agreed. What do you feel?”
My fingers tightened against his tunic, feeling the strings that bound the shirt together. “I feel worn cloth. Soft. Breathable.”
“Good. What else do you sense, moonlight?”
I followed a couple more rounds of his breathing before I opened my senses to more. “I smell citrus and woods.” Without a thought, I buried my nose into his chest and took a deep inhale of his tunic, letting his scent surround me.
“Glad to know I don’t smell too bad after being stuck on the road and on the run.” His laugh was warm honey, coating and soothing my frayed nerves.
A smile climbed as I continued to take in the calmness around me. I leaned my head deeper into his chest and listened to the faint thumping of his heart. It was a beautiful sound, slow and steady, and my breathing followed its rhythm.
“It beats for you,” Peiro whispered into my hair, tightening his hold.
“When did you become excessively sweet?” I snickered as my nerves settled. “What happened to the brute who would force me to train at all hours of the day and tell me to ‘figure my shit out’?”
I felt the smile forming on his face as he planted another soft kiss. “You bring out the best of me, I suppose.”
My heart plummeted again. “How can you love me when I’m full of destruction and darkness?”
Peiro sighed into my hair. “Is that what you see in me?”
I pulled out of his hold, allowing myself to take in his features, and noticed the faint lines that framed his lips so beautifully.
His beard had been groomed and his hair was tied back off his face.
From the dwindling fire, strands of copper and bronze streaked his brown hair and beard, giving him a youthful look.
He smiled, deepening the lines around his eyes that reminded me of the earth after a heavy rain.
I shook my head. “No. Not at all. Never.” I tugged on his tunic more. “You are good! You didn’t ask for what happened to you—you were robbed. Your heart is good, I know it. I see it.”
Peiro planted a soft kiss on my cheek and rested his jaw against my temple.
“Because that is what you are, Ophelia. You’re braving a battle for your realm as you grieve your loss.
You’re righting an injustice. You’re fighting for your kingdom, even if your citizens don’t know it quite yet.
Despite what you were told in your upbringing, your brightness shines through whatever darkness threatens you, and you answered the call to carry that light without hesitation. ”
He tilted my head again to help me meet his gaze. “You are good. And I will fight every battle, seen and unseen, until you believe that.”
I smiled at the warmth in his words as my heart did that funny fluttering at his devotion. My shoulders softened their tense hold and allowed me to melt farther into his touch. “You have become quite sentimental in your old age. Some might even say lavish with your words.”
“Lavish? When I speak the truth?” His eyebrow raised in defiance, beckoning me to rise to the challenge.
“I never took you as a romantic, Peiro. Just a brute with a sword who never turned down a fight.” It took every ounce of self-control to hide my smile, but my toyful words gave me away. “You best take those gushing words to someone else.”
“Someone else, you say?” he grumbled, the corners of his mouth tilting into a smirk. I nodded, clearly disagreeing with my own suggestion. If he could truly hear my heart then he would know it was fluttering wildly for him. “It’s a tragedy, then. You’re the only one for me.”
The dedication warmed me and allowed me to finally find a sentiment of peace in his arms. We sat there, idly listening to one another’s breathing as the fire continuously dimmed inside the hearth.