53. Theo
Theo
As soon as I left Liv’s grandmother’s house, I called Will and told him everything. My brother drove right to Grandma Susi’s assisted living facility and Facetimed me.
“Am I dreaming?” she said when I was done telling her my story.
“No, Grandma,” Will said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “We think Theo might have found your sister. But we need your DNA to be sure. Will you take a test?”
Tears spilled down her wrinkled cheeks, but when she spoke, there was no doubt in her voice. “Of course I will. How can you even ask?”
So she did. And so did Liv’s grandmother, against her parents’ wishes.
Part of me still felt like shit that I’d caused so much conflict within her family—I couldn’t believe the bastards had threatened to disinherit her!
—but the rest of me was too apprehensive to do anything but pace and worry. Two weeks later, I was still doing it.
I wasn’t good at waiting. Nor was I good at dealing with things that were out of my control. And so, I focused on the one thing I might have the power to change.
Liv had rescinded our no-contact order, and we spoke almost every day. She wanted to know what was going on in my life, even the bad shit. The more I shared, the happier she got.
She was a goddamn miracle.
I found myself sending her more and more texts, just checking in to see how her day was going or making stupid jokes.
And every time she wrote back, my heart picked up speed, like I was a goddamn teenager with my first crush.
A couple of times I’d called her late at night, when we were both in bed.
We’d spoken for hours, until I could tell she was on the verge of falling asleep, but neither of us had wanted to hang up.
I wasn’t usually one for long calls with women I was into, unless they ended in phone sex.
Liv was different. We talked about everything…
her aspirations for her therapy practice, the new start-up I was considering investing in, the messed-up way her family was treating her.
Everything, that is, except our relationship, and the way I’d destroyed it.
Much as it was killing me to keep quiet, I hadn’t been brave enough to say anything that overstepped the bounds of friendship.
What if she didn’t want that—want me like that—anymore?
I tried hard not to read anything into our late-night conversations.
But damn, it was tough, especially the times when silence fell between us, heavy with everything we’d left unsaid.
Those times, I wanted to beg her to let me come over, the way I had in New York.
I was terrified that if I asked, she’d say no.
But I was also terrified that she’d say yes, and only want me for a quick fuck.
That she would use me, the way I’d claimed to be using her.
I knew that was what I deserved. But I wanted so much more. The urge to be with her, to hold her, to see her eyes light up every time I made her laugh…it was overwhelming.
It was easier to talk to her on the phone, and also so much harder.
The distance it put between us made honesty a simpler thing.
After all, I could always hang up if shit got too real.
But I was sick of running away. And the things I had to say to her, I wanted to say face to face.
Maybe I was flattering myself, but the chemistry between us had to be worth something.
Right now, I needed all the advantages I could get.
I wanted her to understand how much she meant to me.
That I’d screwed up royally, but if she’d give me another chance, I’d promise to make it worth her while.
That yeah, I wanted her friendship, but I also wanted her, full stop.
To wake up next to her, to earn the privilege to be inside her, to do goddamn life with her, every day.
And so, even though it scared the shit out of me, I decided to tell her the truth.
“Where are we going?” Liv said when I showed up on her doorstep late the following Saturday. She had on a bright pink hat, complete with a glitter bobble on top. Despite my nerves, I had trouble keeping a straight face.
“So many questions.” I gave in, grinning at her. “I told you. It’s a surprise. Um, what are you wearing?”
“Oh, this little thing?” She touched her head. “Chloe made it for me and I plan to sport it proudly. Even when she’s with Gray and can’t see me.”
Of course she did. Somehow, this made me fall for her even harder. “Well, who am I to get in the way of your daughter’s fashion sense? Come on, Sparkle. Let’s go. I’m driving.”
I stole glimpses at her as we drove toward the ocean.
Silence fell between us, and in it, tension hummed as it did during our late-night phone calls, made all the worse because I wasn’t allowed to touch her, and it was my own damn fault.
The fear that she didn’t want me anymore rose inside me, cresting.
For all I knew, the tension on her end was pure irritation that I’d dragged her out on a weekend without telling her where we were going.
“Still no clues, huh,” she said as we turned onto the street of my beach house. “Other than whatever it is has something to do with the ocean.”
“Nope. Be patient.” I smiled at her, pretending an ease I didn’t feel. The small box inside my jacket pocket felt heavier than it had any right to be. In fact, my chest felt tight. Maybe I was having a heart attack? I ate decently and worked out, but still…
I pulled into the driveway, jumped out, and opened the car door for her, which made her eye me suspiciously. “You’re being quite the gentleman. Is this your house, Theo? Because it’s lovely, but I don’t understand why…”
“Just indulge me.” I gave her a nervous grin. “Come on.”
I’d timed it so we’d get here at sunset, and the little white lights I’d bought earlier and strung around the deck were twinkling away.
The sun itself was a giant orange orb, sinking ever-closer to the ocean.
The view was spectacular, just like I’d planned, but it was nothing compared to the woman in front of me…
a woman who was looking more confused by the moment.
“Sit,” I suggested, gesturing to one of the chairs by the outdoor fireplace.
Liv obeyed, heaving a massive sigh.
“It’s windy,” she said. “And this chair is making my butt cold.”
“I can’t do anything about your butt,” I said, feeling like I should get a ton of credit for not making a snarky comment, “but here.” I leaned forward and lit the fireplace, and Liv scooted closer for warmth, her hair glinting in the light from the flames.
Heart pounding, I made my way into the house, coming back with a mug of hot chocolate and a little bowl of honey-roasted cashews. This wasn’t the steps of the 42nd Street Library, but it would have to do. “Here,” I said, handing them to her.
Liv took them, brows scrunching in confusion.
“This is getting stranger by the second. And you’re acting weird.
First you’re opening car doors for me, and now you’re feeding me bizarre hors d’oeuvres.
” Her lips pursed. “What’s going on? Please don’t tell me you have another horrible secret to reveal, and this is your way of softening me up first.”
I gave a tight smile. “Nope, no horrible secrets,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “Just enjoy, Sparkle.”
She muttered something under her breath, but complied. I watched her as she sipped the hot chocolate and nibbled on the cashews, trying to find my courage. How could anyone look so sexy in a puffy blue coat and a hat that practically glowed in the dark?
“Okay, all gone.” She held up the mug to show me. “Now will you tell me what we’re doing here, before I freeze to death?”
It was now or never. I cleared my throat. “I—um—I have a Hanukkah gift for you. Or an early Christmas gift, I guess.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from babbling. But the alternative was that I’d keep talking, and God knew what I’d say.
Liv shifted her weight, eyes widening. “Thank you,” she said, setting the empty cup down on the ground beside her. “But I didn’t get anything for you. I didn’t know we were doing that. And also, Christmas is weeks away.”
“Well, the first night of Hanukkah is tonight. And you didn’t have to get me anything. I just saw this, and thought of you.”
“What is it?” A smile lifted her lips. “Is it a new hat?”
“Nope.” Here went fucking nothing. I reached into my pocket and drew out the box.
Liv’s jaw dropped. She looked from me to the box and then back again. “What—”
It occurred to me that the box looked exactly like what it was: something that contained jewelry. Which…oh my God, what if she thought—
I was definitely having a heart attack.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I managed.
Her jaw shut with a snap.
“I mean, if what you think it looks like is that I’m proposing,” I rattled onward, having apparently lost control of my mouth.
“Because I’m definitely not. Proposing. I mean, of course I’m not.
That would be ridiculous.” I dug my fingers into my knee with my free hand. “Jesus fuck, Liv, tell me to shut up.”
Her lips curved in amusement. “But if I do that, how will I ever find out why you dragged me out of my cozy house to freeze my butt off on the coldest day of the year?”
When she put it that way, it didn’t sound romantic at all. It sounded stupid, not to mention bound to result in pneumonia. “Never mind,” I muttered, starting to shove the damn box back into my pocket. “You’re right. This was dumb. Let’s go inside.”
She caught my hand. “I didn’t say that. Show me what’s in the box.”
“No.” I shook my head, trying to tug my hand free.
Before I could stop her, she pried the box out of my fingers. I lunged for it, but she held it high. I had two choices: tackle her to get it back, which had its appeals, or let her open it. “Fine,” I grumbled, sitting back. “Go ahead.”
She sat back, peering at me with those eyes that always saw too much. “If you really don’t want me to, I won’t,” she said, her voice soft.