6. Chapter Six #3
“Take me to where Nikolai is,” I demand. “That’s driving me around, is it not? And I think you know where my husband is. So take me to him.”
“You’re still bleeding.”
“I don’t fucking care,” I snap. “Just take me to my husband!” My screech echoes through the air. Boris flinches slightly. It feels good being scary.
Boris is hesitant but he does as I ask and drives me to where Nikolai is.
We pull into a large driveway of a huge mansion, almost as nice as Nikolai’s home but not quite.
“What is this place?” I ask.
“It’s Lev’s house.”
Lev. I already hate the sound of his name.
I get out of the car and storm up to the front door. Boris chases after me. “Lana, wait. You can’t just barge in there. I took you to where Nikolai is and now we should return home. He doesn’t want you being here.”
I spin around to face Boris so fast, he jerks back. “What is Nikolai doing that I’m not allowed to know about?”
“Please. Let’s return home. You’re still bleeding. It’s getting onto your white coat.”
My large, fluffy white coat that is the only thing protecting me from the cold. But the deep, cold numbness inside my body cannot be helped by a piece of clothing.
“I am going in there, Boris.” I try the doorknob only to find it locked. Then I begin pounding on the door.
After a few seconds, a man opens it. A young man with a gun in his waistband. A guard, by the looks of it.
“Who are you?” he asks. “You should leave.”
“I know my husband is in there.” I brush past him but he grabs me around the waist and I let out a bloodcurdling scream that makes him instantly let me go. “I am Nikolai Smirnoff’s wife. You don’t get to touch me like this.”
The guard backs up with wide eyes. “Mrs. Smirnoff. I didn’t know who you were.”
“I am going to see my husband and you cannot stop me. Where is he?”
The guard hesitates, looking at Boris.
“Well?” I snap. “Or do I have to tell my husband that you refused to help me?”
He finally points towards a door situated in the side of the wall right in the large, grand foyer. “He’s down there.”
I brush past the guard and go right to the door. It opens without any problems. A set of steps leads down into darkness. Without hesitating, I storm down the stairs and stop at the bottom from what I see.
A dingy basement made out of stone. A table in the middle. A man strapped to the table with a rag in his mouth. Completely naked.
And Lev hovering over the man with a knife in his hand, which he has pointed right at the man’s penis.
And my husband, who is standing back and watching it all with a gleeful expression. My husband who is participating in torture. Because that’s what this clearly is. Torture.
I gasp.
Nikolai turns to me and his eyes widen. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him truly shocked. “Lana? What are you doing here?” He storms over to me and grabs my arm but I pull away from him and vomit before I can stop myself.
I knew Nikolai was involved in dark business but seeing it with my own eyes is another matter altogether.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Nikolai hisses. “How did you even get here?”
Lev laughs as he cuts off the man’s penis. The pure screams that erupt from the man’s mouth, despite the rag in the way, is horrifying. It makes the numbness grow even more inside my body. The pure cold I can’t shake.
I run out of the room and Nikolai follows.
“Why did you let her in there?” he scolds the guard and Boris, who both look helpless. I don’t listen to Nikolai berate the two men as I run outside. I need help. I need comfort. But who can offer me that?
The only place I can think of is my home.
Boris left the keys in the car and I get in and drive away before he can run outside and stop me. I keep driving and I don’t look back.
My parents’ home comes into view and for a moment, I let myself feel safe. I have to be safe here. Right?
I pound on the door and it’s my father who answers. “Lana?”
I stumble into him, wrapping my bloody hands around his shirt. “Father. Please. Help me.”
He touches my shoulders. For a moment, I think he’s going to pull me in for a hug – which is something he has never done – but instead, he pushes me away from him.
I stumble back. “What are you doing, Lana? Why are you acting like this?” His eyes flick to my hands.
“Why are you bleeding? Did your husband do this to you?”
“I just need help,” I whisper. I can feel the tears rising to the surface. “I just need help.”
Mother appears in the foyer, limping with her cane.
“Where are my sisters?” I ask.
“At school,” Father says in a hard voice. “Lana, what is going on?”
“Just help me,” I finally sob, unable to hold the tears at bay. “I’m so cold.”
“It’s cold outside,” he says flatly. “Of course you’re cold.”
“I wanted to earn it on my own. I wanted to earn it on my own. My husband…”
Father shakes his head roughly. “Nikolai is your husband. You need to return to him. Now. This is no longer your home. I gave you away to him for peace. Don’t ruin the deal I made with him by coming back here.”
“But my sisters,” I cry. “I want to see them.”
“Go.” Father’s tone speaks to no disagreements. “You come here, crying? You make me ashamed, daughter. Go. Before your husband shows up and drags you back with him.”
“Gregory,” Mother snaps.
“She needs to listen to me,” Father snaps in return. “Go, Lana. Now.”
I stumble out of my parents’ house, feeling only more numb. No help. No help anywhere.
With no other choice, I drive back to Nikolai’s house. He’s not here. No one is.
The pure emptiness of it all is too much. I have fought so hard for my dance career. I believed in it and now I don’t even know what’s true or not. I don’t know if I earned my role or not.
Nikolai is a bad, bad man. Lev hates me. Svetlana hates me. All of my fellow ballerinas hate me. Not even my own father wants me around.
Before I can stop to think, I rush into the kitchen and grab a knife. I just need the pain to leave me. I need to not feel so numb.
I place the knife to my wrist and I cut, drawing blood.