8. Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
Lana
Ihide my wrist underneath my large, winter coat. The chatter of the girls hits me in the stomach when I enter the dance studio.
“Lana,” Ana sneers at me as I head towards the locker room to change.
“Ana,” I say back in as cold of a voice as I can manage. I keep my head up and don’t crack. If these girls find out about my suicide attempt… I shudder.
What was I even thinking? My parents don’t even know what happened. My sisters. If Elena found out, she’d be so worried and she’s the only one I don’t want to worry.
I slip out of my coat but I make sure to keep the slim, black cardigan on. My pink leotard underneath will give me room to move. It’s winter time anyway. Plenty of girls wear cardigans this time of year when we practice. It’s nothing unusual.
My bandage is peeking out of the sleeve. I push it down and wrap my hand around my wrist, trying to act as if everything is normal.
All the other ballerinas glare at me when I enter the studio. It’s rehearsal today. For Swan Lake. Me as the main lead this time.
Camille enters before a fight can start and tells us to get into formation. We do warm ups to prepare our bodies. Every time I lift my arm above my head, I notice my cardigan slips down, exposing my bandaged wrist. I try to act cool. If I don’t see it, then no one can see it.
But of course, Ana has to see it.
She grabs my wrist the second Camille ends our warm ups. “What’s this?” She grips her hard nails into my wrist, causing pain. I can’t help but gasp. “Why do you have a bandage around your wrist?”
“It’s none of your business,” I hiss, ripping my arm away. But Ana’s nails had dug in too hard and now my bandage is bleeding. She opened my stitches.
“You’re bleeding. Oh my god. Did you cut yourself?” Her laugh is wicked. “Did you try to kill yourself?”
All the other girls turn their cold, hard gazes onto me. They love seeing me fall.
“What is going on?” Camille asks, coming over to us.
“Lana tried to kill herself. As a concerned friend, I just thought everyone should know.”
If I could kill Ana myself, I would. Maybe Nikolai killing Claudia for me wasn’t such a bad thing.
“Lana?” Camille’s eyes flick down to my wrist. “You’re bleeding. What happened?”
The urge to hold my wrist to my chest is strong but I push it down. Be strong. An ice princess. Don’t crack.
“It’s nothing,” I lie.
“Do you need help?” Camille reaches out for me but I back away.
“Yeah, do you need help?” Ana mocks, making the other girls laugh.
“Enough,” Camille snaps. “Lana…”
The concern in her eyes is going to make me crack more than Ana’s mockery. Camille being worried for me is a reminder of what I did. That I actually attempted to end my life. Shame creeps up my neck.
“It’s fine,” I lie, though my voice cracks and everyone hears it. Ana’s smile grows more smug. “I’m fine. Nothing happened.”
“Clearly something happened or you wouldn’t be bleeding right now. Lana, let’s go into my office. Let’s talk.”
“I’m fine!” I scream, startling Camille. “I’m fine. Let’s just get back to rehearsal. I am the lead. I need to be ready for our first show.”
“I can’t let you dance when you’re bleeding.”
I huff. “We’re ballerinas. Our feet bleed all the time. This is nothing. Let me dance, Camille. I am going to dance.”
She sighs and looks around at all the other girls before nodding. “Fine. But we should talk after rehearsal.” She claps her hands, signaling for everyone to get in their places.
As everyone moves around the room, Ana comes over to me, even though she’s supposed to be with the group of background dancers.
“You tried to kill yourself. It’s obvious.
How pathetic are you? You finally got the lead and you’re just going to waste it by offing yourself? I would kill for this part.”
“Then why don’t you try to kill me like Claudia did?”
Ana’s eyes widen. “What are you talking about?”
“She sent that attacker after me that day.”
“Why would she do that? You meant nothing to her. And Claudia is dead. There’s no way she could have sent someone to hurt you. Even if you do deserve it.”
“Claudia was a bitch, just like you are. And now she’s dead. I’d like to see you try something. See what happens.”
Ana frowns. “I knew something had happened. There was no way Claudia died from surgery. You had her killed, didn’t you, you bitch?” In one fast motion, Ana grabs my arms and shoves me back. I fall onto the ground, hard. She gets on top of me and starts slapping my face over and over again.
“What is the meaning of this?” Camille demands, running over. She tries grabbing Ana but Ana is too angry right now. Despite her petite frame, nothing can hold her back.
I manage to grab Ana’s wrists and dig my nails into them, drawing blood. “Now we’re even,” I hiss.
She cries out. Camille finally manages to get her off me and holds her back. “Ana, stop. My office. Right now. And Lana, go home. You’re not fit to practice right now.”
“But I need to rehearse,” I say, getting to my feet.
“Not right now. Practice is over. We’ll resume tomorrow.” She practically drags Ana out of the room.
All the other girls are quiet before Maria speaks. “What happened? I saw you two talking and then Ana attacked you. Is it true you tried to kill yourself?”
I can’t tell these girls I tried to end it all. They’ll never let me live it down. I have to lie.
“My husband tried to kill me,” I say instead.
Maria’s eyes widen as the other girls murmur in excitement. They like hearing this. They really are vultures, desperate for anything exciting.
“Really?” Ekaterina asks.
“Yes. But I survived. I would rather not talk about it. Ana is just jealous I got the lead role. She hates me for it. End of story.”
The girls turn to each other, eagerly talking about it like I’m not just standing before them.
“Are you all right?” Maria asks. “I mean… I didn’t realize your husband was abusive. I thought he was the reason you got the main role.”
I can’t answer that because he is the reason. Even if Camille thought I was good enough, it will always be tainted by the fact that Nikolai forced her to hold another audition.
“I should go home,” I mutter. “I am bleeding.” I walk away before I give the girls something else to chew on.
After I get home, I open my bandage to find my stitches have ripped. My wrist is bleeding again, though not as bad as it was when I first cut it. I find gauze in the bathroom and wrap it around my wrist to stop the bleeding.
This is how Nikolai finds me.
“What happened?” he asks in a hard voice.
“You’re back from work early today.”
He ignores my comment and gently grabs my wrist. “You’re bleeding.
I need to get you to Dr. Ivanov.” He pulls out his phone and calls for his doctor, telling him to come over right away.
After hanging up, he sets his dark, intense eyes onto me.
The eyes I want to fall straight into. “What happened?”
“Ana ripped my stitches open.”
“Which one is Ana?”
“The one who showed up at our wedding. The short one.”
“That girl has a lot of anger inside of her. She hurt you. That cannot stand.”
I stare at my husband for a moment before I ask. “Are you going to have her killed like you had Claudia killed?”
His face doesn’t move a muscle. No expression. “Do you want Ana to go away?”
“She’s a problem I can deal with. I don’t need you killing all of my competition.”
“All right. But if she hurts you again…” The threat is clear.
Do I want to be responsible for Ana’s death?
Today, if I had had the chance, I would have killed her for how she treated me.
A part of me is horrified at the darkness inside my soul.
But another part of me welcomes it. Is eager by it.
If I could just get rid of my problems as easily as Nikolai does, then I think I’d feel stronger in this world.
But then I’d have to be as cruel as Nikolai is and am I all right with that?
“I’m fine,” I say, turning my head away. Nikolai cups my face.
“Lana, are you all right?”
“Why do you care? You’re the reason I hurt myself to begin with.
If you had never entered my life, everything would be the same.
I’d be dealing with backstabbing ballerinas and my cold parents and wanting to be a better dancer.
And now I have a Bratva husband who isn’t afraid to torture people and have them killed.
Who gave me this role when I wanted to earn it. ”
He makes me look at him. His strong hands are like a vise around my face. “I did what I did for you.”
“I never asked you to do any of this for me.”
“You need to let go, Lana. You’re holding on too tight. Once you learn to let go, you’ll feel happier. Trust me.”
“How can I trust you?”
“Have I hurt you?”
I frown. “You tied me to the bed.”
“Have I hurt you?” he repeats.
“…no,” I admit.
“Then you can trust me. Most people in this world fear me but I don’t want you to fear me.”
“You just want to control me.”
“You’ll see in time.” He plants a soft kiss to my lips. A tease of what’s to come.
When I eventually give him my body.
Dr. Ivanov arrives and re-stitches my wrist. Nikolai glares down at the doctor. I hold still and only wince on occasion as Ivanov stops my bleeding. The numbing cream he used helps a little.
“There,” he says once he’s done. He wipes the blood away and places another bandage on my wrist. “Don’t let these open back up. You need time to heal.”
“Tell that to the psychotic little ballerina who did this to me,” I mutter.
Dr. Ivanov frowns and looks at Nikolai, who only motions him out of the bathroom. I can hear them talking and I get up to listen, straining my ears.
“You need to be careful,” Ivanov says. “She is your wife. Make sure she’s not getting hurt.”
“I don’t need marriage advice from you, doctor. Thank you for coming. Now leave.” The front door opens and closes and then silence.
Nikolai finds me eavesdropping in the hallway. “Will you be all right for tomorrow?”
“What’s tomorrow?”
“A party we are hosting. As newlyweds. It’s customary to welcome friends and family into our home. As a sign of solidarity.”