9. Chapter Nine #2
He pulls his hand away and licks his finger. “You taste delicious. Next time, it will be my mouth on your pussy. Does that excite you?”
I can’t deny the way my body tingles at the thought. I can only nod my answer.
Nikolai rolls me onto my back and I’m too tired to stop him. I don’t want to stop him. He stares down at my half-naked body. My legs flop open and my chest rises and falls. So much for being an ice princess. I look more like a mess right now.
That is, until Nikolai speaks. “You’ve never looked more beautiful.”
The pain in my chest disappears and is replaced with a lightness I didn’t know was possible.
Nikolai carries me to our bedroom and gently sets me on our bed, slipping my dress off. He gets a satiny, short nightdress from the closet and slips it over my head. I can see the bulge in his pants. How much he wants me but is holding back. Delaying the excitement.
He helps me under the covers and tucks me in like I’m a baby but instead of being annoyed with it, I only feel relieved. To be taken care of for once. To not have to fight all on my own.
Nikolai goes into the closet to change and comes back out in pajama bottoms and nothing else. His bare chest is a thing of beauty, like he’s been sculpted by the gods.
Without a word, he gets into bed and wraps his arms around me and I fall asleep, feeling more happy than I have in a long time.
When I wake up in the morning, I find Nikolai gone. The pain in my chest returns. Off to work again. I know he has his job to do but I hate it. Mafia work. Knowing there’s a chance he’s torturing someone without a care in the world.
But what I hate more is knowing that he’s with Lev right now. That asshole is going to get in the way of my marriage. I want him gone.
I head to the kitchen and stop when I see Nikolai at the table, in his suit, ready for work. But he’s still here. I can’t help the smile that crosses my face.
He glances up at me. “You look happy this morning.”
“You’re not at work yet.”
“Not yet. I wanted to stay a little while longer. Eat. I made breakfast.”
I sit down at the table to find egg whites and ham with some fruit on my plate. The portions are bigger than I normally eat.
“I know you eat less,” he says. “But you can afford to eat more. You dance all day. You burn off the calories. You need this.”
“But what if I gain weight? Then I can’t be a ballerina. And I don’t want you to buy me anymore roles.”
“You won’t gain weight, Lana. Besides, a few extra pounds wouldn’t hurt you. Eat. Now.”
His command does something to my body. It… relaxes me. Nikolai is giving me permission to do this. The weight on my shoulders lessens a little.
I take tentative bites at first but soon I find myself eating everything. It all tastes so good and to be full… it’s unlike anything I have felt in years.
“Go upstairs and put your leotard on. You’ll see that you still fit. That you don’t need to worry about the food you just ate.”
I do as he says. Nikolai is right. My leotard still fits perfectly. One large meal hasn’t changed that. I slip on my black cardigan and loungewear pants to get ready to go to rehearsal. I find Nikolai waiting for me by the front door.
“I have to go to work now,” he says and my mood shifts. “What’s with the frown?”
“What frown?”
“Lana,” he warns.
I sigh. “I don’t love it when you go to work.” It’s because of Lev. I don’t trust him but I don’t say anything. The threat Lev made towards my sisters is something I can’t mess with.
Nikolai gives me a soft smile. “I know you don’t love what I do but this is how I’ll provide for you. And I don’t hurt people every day. Most days it’s just paperwork and collecting money.” He pauses. “Why don’t I drive you to rehearsal today? We can spend more time together.”
“All right,” I whisper, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.
On the drive, I can’t get myself to speak and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because of what we shared last night. How he touched me so intimately and now is acting like nothing happened. I can’t tell what’s a game to Nikolai and what’s real.
After we arrive at the dance studio, he gets out and opens my car door for me. The cold, winter air smacks me in the face.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
Nikolai keeps his hand on my low back as we walk inside the studio. The other girls are already here, chatting like best friends. And I’m never a part of that.
They all turn to look at me and Nikolai.
That’s when I notice all the girls glaring at my husband. Maria storms over and places her hands on her hips, looking Nikolai up and down.
“You should be ashamed of yourself,” she says.
Nikolai tenses. “For what?”
“For being the reason Lana was hurt. She told us all about how you cut her. I’ll call the police on you if you do it again.”
I completely forgot about the lie I told the girls. Shame fills me and I lower my chin, even though I can feel Nikolai’s stare boring holes into the side of my face.
“She told you I cut her?” he asks in a low voice.
“Yes. We all thought it was a suicide attempt but then she told us that you had done that to her. I may not like Lana but I can’t stand the thought of any woman being in an abusive relationship.”
Nikolai is silent for a long moment. It’s killing me to not know what he’s thinking. “Well, rest assured. I’ll never cut Lana again. It was an accident. We were making dinner. We have both moved on from it.”
Maria glares at him harder. “If she comes back here with more cuts or bruises, I’ll report you to the police.”
It won’t go anywhere. Not with Nikolai’s connections.
Besides, I don’t want Nikolai to go anywhere. I want to stay at his side despite all my mixed emotions.
“You’re just doing your duty,” Nikolai says. “I respect that. I’ll leave Lana to her rehearsal today.” He doesn’t look at me as he walks away. The coldness radiating off his body makes me wince. How badly have I hurt what Nikolai and I just grew last night?
“See?” Maria says. “I can still help you despite how much I hate you. You should be grateful.”
“You just messed everything up,” I hiss before storming into the locker room.
I sit down hard on one of the benches and wrap my arms around myself as my breath comes out faster.
Panic wrenches itself through my chest. I never should have told the girls that Nikolai hurt me.
I should have just said what I said at the dinner party: I was cooking and it was an accident.
And now Nikolai must hate me.
I close my eyes hard to stop the tears from falling. The sound of the locker room door opens.
“You look pathetic,” Ana mocks. Of course she would come in here. She must have seen it all and was waiting for a moment to pounce.
“Just leave me alone!” I scream at her. Ana’s eyes widen and she takes a step back.
“God, you’re such a bitch sometimes,” she mutters.
Before I can stop myself, I get to my feet and storm over to her and in one fast motion, grab Ana by the neck and shove her into the row of lockers. She cries out but I tighten my grip on her neck. She scratches my hand but I ignore the pain.
“I will kill you,” I say in a low voice, “if you keep messing with me. I will kill you like how my husband killed Claudia.”
Her eyes grow wide and her body goes still.
I finally let her go and Ana drops to her knees, sucking in ragged breaths.
“You just told me that your husband killed my best friend.”
“He’s the Bratva, you idiot. There’s nothing you can do about it.
Call the police, sure. But he’s friends with the police.
” I remember the day my attacker tried to kill me.
How Nikolai was so chummy with the police who had arrived.
How easily he handled the situation. “Claudia got in my way and now she’s dead.
If you continue to get in my way, you’ll die too. Do you want that?”
Ana shakes her head. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her look so scared. God, it feels good to feel this powerful. Is this what Nikolai feels every day?
“You’re a fucking psycho,” she seethes.
“Do you really want to call me that right now?”
Ana squeaks and runs from the room. I sink back onto the bench and collect myself. I still need to dance today. I need to be perfect.
When I leave the locker room and go into the dance studio, I find all the girls looking at me.
Did Ana already tell them or is this a response from when Nikolai was here?
I’m not sure which but I don’t let it bother me.
Today, I take off my cardigan and let my bandaged wrist be on display. All the girls look at it.
Camille comes in and claps her hands, signaling that rehearsals are going to begin.
I channel everything that has happened these past few days into my dance. The pleasure Nikolai showed me last night. My suicide attempt. The power I felt when I threatened Ana.
And I dance like I have never danced before.
I can feel the other girls’ eyes on me. They’re mesmerized. Even Camille looks shocked at how well I’m doing.
Once rehearsal is over, Camille comes over to me. “That was… honestly really beautiful, Lana. Truly.”
“You’re not just saying that because of my husband?”
“No. I honestly mean it. For the first time today, you’ve shown why you deserve this role. I’m proud of you.”
My smile is as wide as it ever has been. “Thank you, Camille.”
She gives me a pat on the arm before walking away. When I turn around, I come face to face with Maria.
“I was just trying to help you out earlier,” she says before I can get a word in. “I didn’t appreciate you snapping at me.”
“Did you ever think about what would happen if you confronted my husband who I said abused me about the abuse he did to me? Do you ever think, Maria?”
To her credit, she looks embarrassed but that doesn’t stop her. “You can be such a bitch sometimes, you know that? I’ve tried being friends with you in the past but you always shut me down.”
“I only ever saw you being friends with Claudia and Ana.”