13. Chapter Thirteen #3
He hesitates but then nods, leaving me alone. I watch as he heads to the front of the room where the podium is. He speaks into the mic, welcoming everyone to the event.
I grab a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and practically down it. My head only becomes more woozy.
“Having fun tonight?” Svetlana’s grating voice enters my ears. She slides into the seat beside mine.
“That isn’t your seat,” I grit out. After my father and Adriana, the last thing I want is to deal with Svetlana. I almost lost my job today and I’m still shaken up by that.
“No one was sitting here. It’s free game.”
“No, it’s not. Leave.”
She grabs my wrist and studies it. “I can see a little scar right… here.” She trails her fingers over the light pink mark on my wrist. I rip my arm away.
“Don’t touch me,” I growl. “Just leave me alone, Svetlana. You’re not getting Nikolai. You’re not going to bring me down. Just stop.”
She sneers. “You think you’re so much better than me because Nikolai married you but you’re nothing but trash.”
“And you’re nothing but the woman he dumped.”
“I broke up with him, remember?”
“And he still doesn’t want you. So why do you want him so much?”
She huffs and storms away. I can’t help but smile, knowing I won the argument. But if I feel happy, why does the pain in my chest not disappear? I feel like I might pass out.
The champagne was a mistake. Nikolai continues his speech about giving back to children with cancer and the room listens, like they’re actually good people when we all know everyone here is corrupt as corrupt can be. Everything is fake.
Someone is looking at me.
I can sense it.
Just like I sensed when Nikolai first looked at me when I was dancing on stage. Turning around, I see Lev standing by the front entrance. I blink but he’s still there.
Lev. Actually here. Taunting me.
“Nikolai!” I scream, jumping to my feet and pointing at the front doors.
He stops his speech.
“Lev!” I shout.
He moves into action and hurries towards me. “Lev? Where?”
I point to the doors and he runs to them, looking around. I can feel everyone else looking at me like I’m crazy. Nikolai comes back to me a moment later, shaking his head.
“What?” I whisper.
“I didn’t see Lev. Lana, I told the guards out front to not let him in. He wouldn’t come here. He’s not here.”
“But I saw him. I saw him.”
Some people give me pitying looks while others look worried. Svetlana looks like she just ate a huge pile of candy. My father shakes his head in shame. Elena is the only one who seems like she’s actually seeing me.
“Lana,” Nikolai says in a gentle tone. I hate it. “He’s not here.”
“But I saw him.” I clutch my chest. It hurts so much. “I saw him. I saw him.”
“You thought you saw him because of what you went through but he’s not here. I promise you.” He reaches out for me but I back away. Everything is too much again. Too cold. Too much pain. Why does my chest hurt so much?
I stumble back and hit the table. That sends me falling over and landing on my back. My head cracks against the floor. People gasp.
Nikolai kneels down beside me. “Lana.” He touches the back of my head and it comes away with blood. How ironic after I pushed Ana and the same thing happened to her.
I guess it’s karma coming to get me.
“I’m ok,” I whisper but as soon as I say it, darkness overtakes me.
I wake up in my bed at home. Dr. Ivanov is hovering over me. So is Nikolai. “What happened?”
“You fainted,” Nikolai explains. “I was worried. I brought you to Ivanov.”
“Thankfully, you weren’t seriously hurt.” Ivanov offers me a warm smile. “Your head had a small cut but it didn’t need stitches. It’s stopped bleeding now. It will be tender for a few days. You probably shouldn’t dance while it heals just to be on the safe side. You don’t want to fall again.”
“Thank you, doctor. You can go now.” Nikolai’s tone is clipped. He’s upset. With me?
Once we’re alone, Nikolai turns the full weight of his eyes onto me. “What happened tonight?”
“My chest. It hurt,” I whisper.
“Do I need Ivanov to look you over?”
“No. No. It was… it was a panic attack, I think. Everything was just too much. I couldn’t take it, Nikolai.
I couldn’t take it anymore.” I push myself to my feet and wobble but steady myself on my own.
Even when Nikolai reaches out for me, I back away.
“My parents. Svetlana, that bitch. Lev. I know he was there. I saw him. I know I saw him. I don’t know where he went. ”
“All right. You went through something traumatic, baby. It’s natural that you would be struggling. I was worried tonight.”
“For me or your reputation? Did I embarrass you again?”
He sighs, running his hand down his face. “You didn’t embarrass me. I was worried for you. When your wife collapses to the ground, you tend to be worried.”
My face flushes. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry, Lana. I want you to be ok.”
“I’m sorry I’m not ok!” I scream at him. “I’m sorry I’m a mess. I’m sorry. What Lev did to me broke me. I can’t seem to go back to the way I was.”
“I don’t want you to go back. I just want you to trust me to handle all of this. I want you to stop worrying. I will not let Lev hurt you. You said you wanted me to claim all of you but you haven’t fully given all of yourself to me yet. You haven’t fully let me in.”
“I have,” I object.
“No. If you had, you wouldn’t have had a panic attack at my charity event tonight. You would have trusted me to handle everything. You wouldn’t be this scared. I don’t want you to be this scared.” The vulnerability on his face shocks me. My scary husband who actually cares for me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He sighs deeply and pulls me into his arms. I cling to his jacket. “I’m glad you’re not seriously hurt. You have your show in just two weeks. You need to be in your best shape for it. I just want you to be ok.”
The longer Nikolai holds me, the more centered I become. The more safe I feel like nothing could get to me when he has his arms around me.
“My father must be so embarrassed,” I say.
“Don’t worry about your father.”
It’s hard not to when I know Elena is struggling living in that home.
Nikolai cups my face and plants a sturdy kiss to my lips. “Let go, Lana. And trust me. I want you to do well at your show. On the night of it, I will finally claim you as mine. Your entire body. That’s my promise.”
I gasp. “That’s when you’ll do it?” My body tingles.
“Yes. That’s when I’ll do it. So stay strong until then. My ballerina.” The kiss he gives to my forehead makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.