14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Lana
The night of the first show for Swan Lake arrives. My official debut as a lead performer. Giselle was just the start. I didn’t receive any applause because of Claudia’s death but tonight, I will. Because tonight has nothing to do with Claudia. Tonight is all about me.
The air is tense in the main dressing room.
I walk past it on my way to my own private dressing room and I can tell how strained it all is.
The other ballerinas are quiet as they do their hair and makeup instead of the usual chatter.
Claudia is dead. Maria is dead. Ana was fired.
And I’m still going to be the lead. It has a lot of people on edge.
Ekaterina looks me in the eye for a moment, shaking her head. Her disapproval of me is obvious. A flicker of shame hits my chest. Am I doing the right thing? Have I ever done the right thing?
I keep walking to my private dressing room. The moment I shut the door behind me, I feel like I can breathe. Tonight is the night I’ll show what I’m made of. And then Nikolai will fully make me his. My stomach and legs tingle at the thought. To be claimed by him, finally. To be made into a woman.
My family won’t be here tonight since they only come for the final show. With how tense things are between me and my parents and Adriana right now, it’s for the best. I don’t need them distracting me.
My hands shake as I apply my makeup. I am doing the right thing, I tell myself. I didn’t kill Claudia. I didn’t kill Maria. I didn’t get Ana fired. All these things have happened around me.
And yet, I have taken advantage of the situation. I am a mafia wife. How can I ever be a fully good person?
The door opens and Nikolai stands there, looking at me in the mirror. It reminds me of when he first entered my life. The uncertainty of it all. The darkness in him that both scared me and excited me. The way he teased me with small flirtations.
I set my makeup brush down and meet his eyes through the mirror. It’s my way of tempting him. Teasing him. Challenging him.
Nikolai’s lips quirk and he steps into the room, shutting the door.
It closes off the sound of the noise that always takes up a theater.
The musicians tuning their instruments. The staff running around, giving out orders to make sure everything is running smoothly.
The giggle of the younger ballerinas who have no idea what has been going on with us older ones.
It all becomes muffled and it’s just me and Nikolai.
He places his hands on my shoulders. “I am looking forward to see you perform tonight.”
“What if I don’t do well?”
“You have been training for this moment most of your life. Why wouldn’t you do well?”
“Everything that has happened. I still think about Maria. It still hurts what Lev did.”
His hands tighten on my shoulders. “Don’t let that worry you.
Lev will not hurt you. Never again. Remember to let go tonight.
Let everything go and perform. You may still be a virgin but you know what it’s like to enjoy sexual pleasure.
Use that in your performance. Impress everyone tonight.
And when it’s all over and everyone is gone, I will claim you on that stage, just for us. ”
Wetness seeps out of me. Fortunately, I haven’t changed into my costume yet for it to be a problem.
He plants a kiss to my neck. “I know you’ll make me proud.”
Before I can lean into him, he pulls away and leaves the room. Knowing Nikolai will take me on the stage itself makes me more excited. I have given everything of myself to this role. This dance company. Everything.
So to finally be made into a woman on this very stage that I have performed on for so many years… it’s making me lightheaded.
I finish my makeup and put my costume on. The white swan. Odette. I look perfect. Later tonight, I’ll transform into the black swan. Odile. The temptress.
The door opens. I’m expecting Nikolai again but I see that it’s Ana instead.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. “Leave.”
“You have stolen everything from me!” she shrieks, running at me… with a knife. It’s déjá-vu. To be attacked in my private dressing room once more.
But Ana is a small woman compared to the man who tried hurting me. She jams the knife towards me but I grab her wrist, making her drop it. The knife clatters to the floor. We both look at it for a beat before we scramble for it.
Her nails scratch down my arms, drawing blood, but I manage to grab the knife before she can. Without hesitating, I plunge it into her stomach.
She gasps and falls to her knees, looking at the knife in shock. I stare down at my hands. I actually stabbed her.
“What did you… do?” she gasps as blood trickles from her mouth.
“You came at me. I was just defending myself.” It’s the truth so why does it sound so weak coming out of my mouth?
Ana chuckles but there’s no humor to it. “You always wanted to kill me. Admit it, bitch.”
Maybe… deep down. Maria’s dead body hits me in the gut and I double over. Keep it together. Tonight is important.
Ana falls onto her back, her breathing ragged. “Help,” she says weakly. “Get me help.”
I could. It wouldn’t be hard to call Nikolai and ask him to help me. But… I don’t. I watch as Ana struggles to breathe until she stops breathing altogether.
I killed her.
Her body goes completely still, like ice. An actual ice princess in her fancy evening gown. Even though she came to kill me, she still put in the effort to look good.
I was not going to let Ana ruin this evening for me. Nothing will.
I grab her legs and drag her body to the corner of the room, slightly hidden so hopefully no one will come in and look. I know Nikolai will handle this for me. He handles everything. Which is why I have chosen to not worry about it.
The last thing I want is to look too closely at my own actions.
By some miracle, no blood got on my clothes. Other than the scratches on my arms, I’m unscathed. I dab at the blood until the scratches stop bleeding. My arms are red but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I have to go on in less than an hour.
As if killing Ana has put some sort of calming spell over me. I don’t feel scared. I feel… relieved. I feel more free than I have in a long time.
A knock at the door. “Twenty minutes,” the stagehand says.
“Coming,” I call out. With one last look at Ana’s dead body, I leave the room and shut the door behind me, locking it from the inside. I place the key on an extended panel of the wall, keeping it hidden. No one will come find her while I perform. Not until I can get Nikolai to handle it all for me.
My body feels light and airy as I follow the rest of the ballerinas towards the stage. Ekaterina gives me a distrusting look but I ignore her. No one is going to bring me down tonight. No one.
The ballet begins.
I dance on stage as the white swan to claps from the audience.
My eyes find Nikolai’s in the front row.
His intense eyes that have always watched me.
The ones that have always led me towards this moment.
I have taken pride in those eyes. He is my husband.
The man who is going to consume my body, mind, and soul.
Using that as motivation, I dance. I put on the best performance of my life.
The happiness Odette feels falling in love and the pain she feels at losing it.
My dance partner, Marcus, is not as good as me.
Anyone can see it. But he does the job good enough.
I’m sure Nikolai wants to kill him for touching me.
Lifting me into the air. Spinning me around the stage.
But it’s just acting. It’s not Mark I want. It’s my husband.
I use that hunger and drive to dance with more passion. When I finish act two, I head backstage to change into my costume for Odile. The black swan.
Camille catches my attention. “You’re doing great,” she breathes out. “Truly, Lana. I’m not just saying it.”
I pause, soaking in her praise. “Thank you.”
“Now go change.”
I hurry to my dressing room and change into the black costume for Odile. Ana is still there. Her body turning colder and stiffer by the moment.
For just a second, I feel a pang of regret. I never knew I had murder within me. It was self-defense, technically. But it still feels like murder for how little I feel bad about it. And that’s what I feel regret over. Not Ana’s death.
I hurry back into position and enter the stage as Odile, wowing the audience with my new role. The temptress.
My eyes catch Nikolai’s in the audience. The intensity in them steals my breath away. Knowing he’s watching me…it helps me put on the best performance of my life.
I hear gasps from the audience as I dance. They’re impressed. Even I’m impressing myself.
Once I finish as Odile, I head backstage to get ready for act 4. The final act. The moment Odette dies and transcends to heaven.
Everything goes perfectly. I prance back on stage and deliver the performance of a lifetime. Marcus and I dance until we die together.
Our characters go to heaven as we dance off stage. And then the curtain falls.
For a moment, I catch my breath. All I hear is silence.
And then the loud, thunderous boom of clapping. People clapping… for me.
“Go back out there,” Camille urges. I take my place in the center of the stage as the curtain rises and I take my bow.
People get to their feet. People cheer for me.
That’s fairly rare in the world of ballet.
Audiences are typically more reserved. But this audience is cheering loudly for me.
People clap their hands together frantically.
This is all for me.
My eyes lock with Nikolai’s as I bow. Never has he looked more proud. My body tingles, knowing he’s going to claim me on this stage in a few hours after everyone else has left. I’ll finally be the woman I’ve always dreamed of being.
After everyone takes their bows, the curtain lowers again.