19. Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Nineteen
Lana
My eyes flutter open. The room is dark. The sound of a beeping machine. The smell of disinfectant. There’s something in my nose.
With a gasp, I reach for my face but someone grabs my wrist. Is it Lev? Am I dead?
But a glance to my left shows that it’s Nikolai. My husband. Either I’m in heaven or I’m alive.
“You’re all right,” he murmurs. “You’re all right. You’re in the hospital. You have an oxygen tube in your nose. You’re all right.”
I relax into the bed and take a deep breath. “What… happened?” Never has my voice sounded so groggy.
“Lev shot you in the leg. It’s a miracle you didn’t bleed out. The tourniquet he did helped. I made one too. You just barely survived but you survived. You’ve been in surgery for hours. They had to get the bullet out of your leg and stop the bleeding. You’ve been out of surgery for the past hour.”
“You’ve been sitting there… waiting for me to wake up?”
His eyes are soft. I love it whenever they’re soft. “Of course. You’re my wife, Lana. Why wouldn’t I wait for you to wake up?”
“Adriana?”
“She’s safe. She and your family went home to wait for news. I’ll call them soon and let them know you’re awake. You gave us all a scare there.”
A knock at the door makes me turn my head. A middle-aged man is there in a doctor’s coat. “Hello, Lana. I’m Dr. Altov. I’m the one who performed surgery on your leg. How are you feeling?” He comes into the room and pulls a pen out of his pocket.
“I’m… tired. I don’t really feel much right now.”
“That’s the morphine in your system. But that will wear off soon. I want to test something.” He flips the end of my blanket up to reveal my bare feet. Nikolai lets out a breath, though I’m not sure why. The doctor presses the pen to my feet. “Can you feel this?”
I gasp. Why can’t I feel it? My chest squeezes. This can’t be happening. This can’t…
And then a flicker. Just the tiniest tickle in my foot.
“Yes,” I gasp out as tears hit me. “Yes. I can feel it. Just a little bit but I can feel it.”
Nikolai closes his eyes and smiles.
Dr. Altov also smiles as he puts his pen away.
“That’s good. Your thigh was badly damaged from the bullet.
Thankfully we were able to keep your leg but we weren’t sure if it would be mobile.
I’m glad you have sensation in your foot.
Your recovery will be long and hard. I won’t sugarcoat that for you.
But if you can feel, then you can get back on your feet in the future. ”
“Can I dance?”
He hesitates. “Not right now. You’ll need to learn to walk again on this leg.
It could take months of physical therapy to get your leg in working order again.
But maybe one day you’ll be able to dance again.
Though, it might be different, Lana. You have to know that.
I know you’re a ballerina. There’s a chance you might never dance ballet again. You have to prepare yourself for that.”
“But I might,” I say. The doctor looks stunned by my determination. “I might dance again. There’s a chance.”
“Miracles always happen in my line of work. But sometimes they don’t. Just be prepared but if you work hard and do physical therapy, you can get your leg in working order again. We’ll get you walking, don’t worry.”
But not dancing. That’s what he’s saying.
Once the doctor leaves, all I can do is cry. Finally broken. Fully and completely.
Nikolai rubs my hand. “Lana…”
“My dance career is over, isn’t it?”
“We don’t know for a fact. You’re a strong woman. You’ll get through this.”
“But you wanted to be with me because I could dance. You won’t like me now.”
Nikolai’s eyes widen and he sits there for a moment before shaking his head.
“You think I only care about you because you can dance? Lana, I love you. I haven’t said it before.
I was waiting for the right time. I was going to tell you after your final performance was over.
I love you, Lana. It’s not because you can dance.
It’s because of you. You need to know that. ”
“You love me?” I sound pathetic but in this moment, I don’t care.
“Of course I love you. Haven’t I shown it?”
“You have. I just… it’s nice to hear the words. In my family, we don’t really say, ‘I love you.’ I don’t think I’ve ever heard it from either one of my parents. Or my sisters.”
“Well, hear it from me. I love you, Lana. I’ll help you through this.”
I smile through my tears. “You’ll handle it, you mean.”
“I always do. How are you feeling with everything? You killed Lev yourself. Adriana told me.”
My smile disappears at the memory of what Lev tried to do to me and my sister. What he did do to me. “I’m sure he’s laughing in his grave knowing he took away my dance career.”
“Considering his grave is in the ocean, cut up into different parts, I don’t think he’s laughing.”
I shiver. “You handled it?”
“Of course I did. I had one of my men do it. Normally, I wouldn’t tell you these things. I wanted to keep you from the dark parts of my life. But obviously that wasn’t possible. So you should know what happened to the man you killed.”
“I killed another person,” I whisper. “Whatever happened to Ana’s body?”
“Same fate as Lev.”
I shut my eyes as a chill runs through me. “I never thought I was capable of things like that.”
“You killed both of them in self-defense. It wasn’t your fault.
Now, we shouldn’t really be talking about this here.
I did a sweep of the room to make sure there weren’t any listening devices.
There’s none but you can never be too careful.
You don’t need to worry about either of them anymore, Lana.
It’s done. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. Don’t feel ashamed of that.”
“Easier said than done. I’m glad Lev is gone. But sometimes… with Ana… I regret it. I didn’t mean to… But she was coming at me with a knife.”
“I know.”
I suck in a breath. “What happened to Ekaterina?”
He frowns. “Who?”
“The girl who saw Ana’s body. Did you…”
“Are you asking if I had her dealt with? No. She left town. I had some men tail her. She moved to a different city. She’s alive.”
I look into my husband’s eyes, wanting to believe him. He would tell me the truth at this point. I have to believe that. I have no other choice. My trust needs to be in Nikolai, completely.
“All right,” I say. “I’m glad. I didn’t want another one of my fellow ballerinas to die.
” I huff. “Though I’m sure a lot of them are going to get wind of this and be happy I can’t dance for a while.
Camille told me that I got the lead in Romeo and Juliet.
Rehearsals were going to start next week.
I guess some other lucky girl is going to get her dream role. ”
“I know it hurts right now. But once we get you walking again, you can learn to dance again. There’s no reason you can’t get the lead role for future ballets.”
“Nikolai, a ballerina’s life is short. Most retire by their mid-thirties to teach or choreograph.”
“You’re only twenty-one. You have time.”
“But my leg might never be the same again. You heard the doctor. I…”
“If you believe you can do it, you can. Fine. Maybe you won’t be as good as you once were. But you can still dance. You will dance. And I’ll be by your side, helping you. I promise.”
“Can you let my family know I’m awake? I want to see my sisters.”
“Of course.” Nikolai calls my father and informs him of the news. I push back my tears. I don’t want my family to see me cry.
And I can’t think about my future right now. Not when it’s so uncertain.
Adriana rushes to my side the moment she enters the hospital room. “Lana.” She hugs me, which is something she has rarely ever done before. Probably not since she was ten years old.
“I’m glad you’re all right,” I say, pulling back.
“I’m so happy you’re all right. You fought so hard for me. I’m sorry I was being such a bitch to you before.”
“You were hurt. We have a lot of things to talk about.”
My parents and Elena enter the room. Nikolai stands in the corner, giving us space, but remaining. Always by my side as he promised.
“Lana,” Father says in his gruff voice. “Adriana told us how you fought to save her life. Thank you for that.”
I can feel my eyebrows getting high on my head. My father has never thanked me for anything in his entire life. “I was just doing what any good sister would do. I know I can’t dance for a while. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make you proud.”
He looks away from me… almost like he’s fighting back tears. My hard, cold, stoic father. “You made me proud when you saved your sister’s life.” He composes himself. “Now, we can’t stay long. I have work. And your sisters need to be at home.” Always keeping them sheltered and controlled.
“Can’t I have a minute?” Adriana asks, taking my hand. “Please?”
Father nods once and leaves the room.
“He’s just upset,” Mother explains. “I know you two weren’t getting along recently but he’s glad you’re alive. I think he feels upset he couldn’t save the two of you himself. His pride, you know.”
“And what about you?” I ask her. “How do you feel?”
“I’m glad you’re alive too, Lana. Though, you could look better. That hospital gown is an ugly shade of blue on you. I should go check on your father.” She leaves the room. Of course my mother would get a critical jab in.
Adriana sits on the bed while Elena hovers behind her. “I’m sorry I was being a bitch to you. I was just angry.”
“You felt like I had abandoned you when I married Nikolai. I understand. But I’m here, Adriana. I know Father keeps us apart. But I am always here. And I will always fight to save your life. I never knew you were upset. I always thought Father treated you like a princess.”
She flips her blonde hair over her shoulder.
“I mean, he does. He treats me better than he does Elena. But that house is still so cold. It’s…
suffocating. I never realized how much you took of Father’s attention until you weren’t there.
I guess I missed you and I was angry and I shouldn’t have been. ”
“I am here, Adriana. Always. Never forget that.”