Chapter 21 Chasing Happiness #2
“You’re amazing at what you do, Kairos. You saved me from myself when no one else could.
If everything you’ve told me is true, then the gods allowed me to reincarnate for a reason.
We’re together right now for a reason. Maybe this time we’ll finish what we set out to do.
We can demolish darkness for good.” I lean forward, placing my hand on his.
“I hope one day I can be as happy as you say I was before. For so long I’ve thought it was impossible for me, even though some days are better than others.
I’m starting to wonder if maybe I was wrong.
” Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes, inhaling the swirling power full of light and comfort that he carries around with him.
“I swear I can already feel my soul changing since I stepped into this realm.”
If I was being completely honest with him, I’d admit that I felt something stirring within my soul the moment he crashed into my life, something that urges me to open my heart to him, but I won’t say that. I can’t admit the truth just yet.
“I believe you have a way of bringing out the light within me.” I pull away from him, running my hands over the velvety blanket draped over my lap.
“Maybe out of anyone,” I say for good measure, not wanting to sound too sure or to give him too much hope that I might believe we’re truly fated to be, because I don’t know what I believe yet.
And I definitely don’t know what I want. All of this gets much more complicated by adding Ere into the mix. What if he does reach out to me? What if he decides he still wants to try? Do I just forget about what we had together? Forget about the love that was starting to blossom between us?
Standing, Kairos makes his way to the dresser in the corner of the room, the golden handles glistening as he pulls a drawer open.
“Does your boyfriend not bring out your light? Does he not make you happy? You seem pretty damn happy in his presence, to me,” he grumbles, pulling clothes out of drawers that he then slams closed.
He slips into the bathroom for just a moment, long enough to throw on the black t-shirt and grey sweatpants that fit him so deliciously that I try not to drool. When he comes back out, he smooths out the waves of his hair and his shoulders sag as he sighs heavily.
He must have sensed my thoughts drifting off to Ere and what the hell I’m supposed to do.
There’s no use pretending with him. He senses it all anyway.
It’s a nice change after pretending with everyone else for so long.
Ere is special, yes, but he doesn’t push away the darkness.
Instead, he helps me accept it as a part of me.
There’s a power in that as well, but I’d rather it be drowned out by blinding light until it no longer exists in me at all.
If I had a choice in the matter, the dark parts of myself would be gone.
“I’m happy with Ere. He helps me accept the good and the bad things within. My broken, messy pieces have never scared him. He loves me for who I am.” I shrug, staring at my hands as he watches me.
Stepping forward, he softly runs his fingertips along my cheekbone, then lets his hand fall weakly to his side.
“You are not broken, Nora. There’s not one thing bad about you.
Don’t you dare let anyone make you feel otherwise.
” As he looks into my eyes, the stars exist within them, a wide-open galaxy full of hope and promise and wonder, and I can’t breathe.
He sees me. He understands me. It’s as if Ere helps numb my wounds and forces them back together, and Kairos, he rips my heart open allowing my lost soul to breathe life again.
I don’t know how I feel about this revelation of truth, but I know I shouldn’t voice it or consider it to mean more than it does.
I don’t know Kairos yet, and Ere is good to me…
was good to me. But as I unravel the layers of Kairos, I’m learning that there’s so much to like about him. His heart is pure and beautiful.
“Are you planning on sharing my bed with me, or should I sleep on the couch again?”
“Hey, I didn’t make you sleep on my couch last night. You could have went home.”
He shoots me a look that says, I would never, or something much more intense like you’re my fated mate and I refuse to let you suffer alone, but says nothing.
Biting my lip, I look over at the leather couch, the gold blanket and pillows scattered across it. It looks comfortable enough.
“Fine. Only if you’re a gentleman. If you try anything I’ll scream. The gods will hear my cries of destress and smite you where you lay.” Laughing, I scoot to the opposite side of the bed, giving him room to slide in beside me.
“You wouldn’t.” His eyes slant as he climbs under the covers and then waves a hand nonchalantly to shut off the orbs of celestial light floating high above us.
“Oh, but I will. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Turning toward him, I raise my eyebrows up and down, daring him to try.
His eyes soften as his crooked grin grows, then he turns to his side, shifting his wings until he’s comfortable.
“I respect you. I respect your feelings for Ere. My only concern right now is making sure you’re safe.
Everything else we can figure out later.
” His smile now is sleepy and weak, but his eyes dance with light as he tucks hair behind my ear.
Then he curls his arm under his head to use it as a pillow as he gazes over at me.
Smiling up at him, I rest my arm under my head just like him, then, cuddle in a bit closer. We aren’t touching. There’s space between us. But still, the warmth of him near is enough to calm any worry I might have had before. “I feel very safe with you, Kairos,” I whisper.
I do. I also feel happier than I have in a while which scares the shit out of me.
Back home I gave up on fighting my dark thoughts and depression for the most part.
I chose to pretend I was fine instead of actually trying to be fine.
The desire to rid myself of darkness and pain for good grows by the second here with Kairos.
Fighting for happiness sounds better than pretending.
Fighting for my mind to be free sounds invigorating.
I will not sit back and be used or abused by Nyx or anyone else any longer, and I refuse to let any more harm come to Kairos or his people.
They’ve all suffered enough. I have too, and I’m tired of suffering.
We’ll all be free one day and I will chase the promise of happiness until I can’t any longer.
Death will have to take me.