Chapter Seventeen
Willow woke slowly, which in itself felt strange.
There was no jolt of panic, no racing heart or desperate need to figure out where she was. She drifted toward consciousness beneath a soft comforter, while early morning sunlight slipped through the edges of the blinds.
For a few precious seconds, she didn’t move. Willow couldn’t remember the last time she had slept that deeply.
Last night had been different. She had slept beside Jay Bird.
The realization brought a small smile to her lips as memories from the night before returned.
She had been terrified of climbing into bed with him, even though she had known logically that he would never hurt her.
He had somehow understood every fear she hadn’t been able to put into words, giving her space when she needed it and holding her when she had finally asked him to.
And she had fallen asleep with his arm around her and her head resting against his chest.
Suddenly, something small moved against Willow’s stomach.
Her eyebrows pulled together, and she opened her eyes. When she looked down, she found a tiny bare foot resting against her ribs.
What the heck?
She lifted her head and discovered that at some point during the night, they had acquired another occupant in the bed.
Lily was sprawled sideways across the middle of the king-size bed, her pajama shirt twisted around her little belly and her hair sticking out in approximately twelve different directions.
Ellie was wedged beneath her chin, one leg was draped across Willow, and the other was stretched toward Jay Bird.
Willow bit her lip to keep from laughing.
She raised her gaze and found Jay Bird already awake on the opposite side of their pint-sized invader. He was lying on his side with his head propped against one hand, watching her with obvious amusement.
“Morning,” he whispered.
“Morning.”
His dark hair was an absolute mess, and the sight made Willow smile even more. She had learned over the past month that Jay Bird’s hair seemed to have a mind of its own on a normal day. Apparently sleep only encouraged it.
“How did you sleep?” he asked quietly.
“Really good.”
“Glad one of us did.”
Her smile disappeared. “You didn’t?”
Instead of answering, his gaze dropped pointedly toward the tiny person occupying most of the space between them.
Willow followed his gaze.
Jay Bird sighed dramatically. “I think I spent half the night in Montana before I got shipped back to the Atlantic Ocean.
She slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from waking Lily as laughter bubbled out of her.
“I’m sorry. How did she even get in here?”
Jay Bird gave her a look. “She didn’t exactly breach the perimeter, sweetheart.
I heard her little feet coming down the hall before she made it halfway to the door.
” His mouth twitched. “Then she climbed up here with Ellie tucked under her arm, wedged herself between us, and I pretended I was asleep because I wanted to see what she’d do. ”
Willow grinned. “And?”
“And apparently she decided this was her bed now.” He glanced down at Lily. “I fell back asleep and woke up twenty minutes later with her foot pressed against my throat. Pretty sure she was trying to take me out in my sleep.”
Willow fought another laugh. “Maybe she was.”
“I’ve been in hand-to-hand combat situations that were less aggressive.”
“She’s twenty-six pounds.”
“Twenty-six pounds of fury.”
Willow shook her head, but she couldn’t stop smiling as she looked at her daughter. She couldn’t believe she had gotten out of her own bed in the middle of the night and climbed into theirs.
For so long, Willow had dreamed about giving Lily a normal childhood, but she had never allowed herself to imagine what that normal childhood might actually look like. Apparently, it looked like a toddler sneaking into a king-size bed and kicking a Navy SEAL from Montana to the East Coast.
Lily suddenly stirred and rolled toward Jay Bird, burying her face against his chest before releasing a sleepy little sigh.
Jay Bird looked down at her and Willow watched his expression soften.
After a moment, Lily’s eyes fluttered open. She stared at Jay Bird. “Jay!”
Jay Bird grinned. “Hey, Peanut.”
“Pancakes?”
Willow started laughing again.
Jay Bird closed his eyes. “Of course.”
Lily sat up and patted his cheek as if concerned he wasn’t understanding the urgency of the situation. “Pancakes.”
“Apparently, I’m just the hired cook around here.”
Willow grinned. “I think she’s made your position pretty clear.”
He looked across Lily at her. “Keep laughing. You’re making breakfast tomorrow.”
Lily bounced between them. “Pancakes!”
Jay Bird threw back the covers. “All right, tiny dictator. Let’s go.”
He scooped Lily up as he climbed from the bed, and her squeal filled the room when he tossed her over his shoulder.
Watching them disappear through the bedroom doorway, Willow lay there for another few seconds with a smile on her face.
Was this what normal looked like? A toddler taking over the bed in the middle of the night. Sleepy laughter in the morning. Pancakes waiting downstairs.
Such simple things. Things most people probably never gave a second thought.
But to Willow, there was nothing simple about them. Because after years of merely surviving, normal felt more extraordinary than anything she could have imagined.
Breakfast consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs, fruit, coffee, and juice.
Lily sat in her booster seat wearing princess pajamas, as she enthusiastically dipped pieces of pancake into syrup while Jay Bird stood at the island finishing his coffee.
Willow took another bite and shook her head. “You know, you’re ruining me.”
Jay Bird glanced over. “How?”
“Cooking breakfast. Buying me flowers. I’m going to start having expectations.”
“That’s dangerous.” He grinned before taking another drink.
Willow loved seeing him like this. The intimidating SEAL everyone described as quiet and brooding still existed, but she was beginning to understand there were layers beneath that exterior that very few people were allowed to see.
Jay Bird set his mug down. “How do you feel about meeting more people today?”
Willow stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth. “How many more people are there?”
His mouth twitched. “A few.”
“A few isn’t a number.”
“Ace and Alex are having an end-of-summer pool party. Alpha and Bravo will both be there, along with wives, girlfriends, and kids.”
Willow immediately recognized Ace’s name. “Mia’s brother, right?”
“Yep. You already know Mia and Stitch, and Riley and Nails will be there. Plus, you’ve met everyone from my team. This will give you a chance to meet the rest of the crew from Alpha team.
Willow’s stomach tightened slightly at the thought of walking into another large gathering of people she didn’t know.
Jay Bird must have seen something change in her expression because his teasing disappeared.
“We don’t have to go.”
She looked at him.
“I mean it. I thought you might enjoy it, and Lily would have plenty of kids to play with, but if you don’t want to be around that many people, we stay here.”
There was no disappointment in his voice and no attempt to persuade her. Again, just a choice. Willow had come to realize that Jay Bird gave her those constantly. It was something so simple, but it shouldn’t have meant as much as it did.
“I want to go.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” She smiled. “I had fun at Bayside, and I really do want to meet everyone.”
“Okay.”
“Besides, Lily will love the pool.”
Lily gasped excitedly. “Pool!”
Jay Bird pointed at her. “See? Peanut’s in.”
Willow laughed. A pool party sounded fun.
At least it did until a few hours later when she stood in front of the bedroom mirror and stared at herself. Then it didn’t sound fun at all.
Willow tugged the hem of her cover-up lower and stared at her reflection.
She had chosen a simple black one-piece bathing suit she had bought a couple of weeks earlier. It wasn’t revealing, but the back dipped lower than she had realized when she had tried it on at the store.
Her gaze moved toward the mirror. She couldn’t see the scars with the top covering them, but she knew they were there. She always knew.
Some had faded considerably over the years. Others probably never would.
Willow wrapped her arms around herself. Maybe this was a mistake.
She could tell Jay Bird she didn’t feel well. He wouldn’t question her. He would probably change into regular clothes, order pizza, and find some ridiculous way to turn on the sprinkler for Lily.
A soft knock sounded against the partially closed bedroom door.
“Willow?”
She looked toward it. “Yeah?”
“You decent?”
Despite everything happening inside her, she smiled. They had slept in the same bed last night, yet he had still knocked.
“Yeah.”
Jay Bird stepped inside wearing swim trunks and a dark T-shirt. His gaze found her immediately, and Willow watched his smile slowly fade.
“You okay?”
“Yep.”
He leaned one shoulder against the doorframe. “Want to try that again?”
Willow sighed. “You’re annoyingly observant.”
He smirked. “Occupational hazard.”
She turned back toward the mirror and tugged at her top again.
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
His response was immediate. “Then we don’t go.”
Willow turned around. “It’s not the party. I want to go.”
“Okay. Then what’s wrong?”
She opened her mouth and closed it again. How did she explain this?
There was something strangely terrifying about showing Jay Bird the physical evidence of what she had survived. He knew what Chen had done to her. He knew she had been beaten, controlled, assaulted, and treated like property.
But knowing and seeing were different things.
“There’s something you haven’t seen.”
Jay Bird’s entire demeanor changed. He pushed away from the doorframe but didn’t approach her.
“Okay.”
Willow turned toward the mirror again. Her heart began beating faster.
“They’re ugly.”
“What are?”
She reached for the hem of her top, but her hands froze. A few seconds passed, and Willow finally pulled the cover-up over her head.
She turned around slowly, exposing her back.
The room became so quiet she could hear her own breathing as she stared at the wall.
The scars crossed different areas of her back, some thin and pale while others were wider. One disappeared beneath the edge of her bathing suit near her hip.
She hated them. She hated knowing Chen had put them there.
Most of all, she hated the possibility that Jay Bird might look at her and see something damaged.
“Most of them are from his belt,” she whispered. “A couple are from other things.”
Jay Bird didn’t speak immediately, and Willow felt her gut clench.
“See? This is why I don’t—”
“Willow.” Something in his voice stopped her. “Look at me.”
She shook her head. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to see the pity or disgust.
“Please,” he said softly.
Finally, she turned. Jay Bird was staring at her, but there wasn’t disgust in his expression. There was anger.
Her body tensed automatically, and Jay Bird noticed. His expression immediately softened.
“No.” His voice became gentler. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry at the bastard who did that to you.”
He moved closer but stopped before reaching her. “Can I touch you?”
Her throat tightened. “Yes.”
Jay Bird stepped behind her. Willow watched him through the mirror as he lifted one hand, moving slowly enough that she could stop him if she wanted to. His fingertip gently traced the edge of one faded scar near her shoulder blade.
There was nothing sexual about the touch. Willow’s eyes filled with tears.
For years, touch had been something taken from her. Even after escaping, there were moments when an unexpected hand near her body could send panic racing through her. This wasn’t that.
She had chosen this. She had said yes.
“Jesus, Willow,” he murmured.
She immediately looked away. “That’s why I don’t want people seeing them.”
“No.” Jay Bird stepped around until he was standing in front of her. “That’s not why I said that.”
She blinked back tears. “They’re ugly.”
His jaw tightened. “What he did was ugly. Not you.”
Willow stared at him.
Jay Bird lifted his hands but stopped before touching her again.
When she didn’t pull away, he rested them gently against her upper arms.
“You don’t have to show these scars to anybody until you’re ready.”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“Then I’ll buy you every damn cover-up in Virginia.”
A wet laugh escaped her. “Every one?”
“Every single one.”
“That’s a lot of cover-ups.”
“I’ve got a steady paycheck. I’ll survive.”
She laughed again, wiping beneath her eyes.
Jay Bird smiled. “But don’t hide them because you’re worried about what I think.”
Willow looked down. “I was.”
His fingers gently tightened around her arms. “There isn’t a damn thing you could show me that’s going to change the way I look at you.”
That nearly started the tears all over again.
“You keep saying things like that, and I’m going to cry.”
“Please don’t. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do when you cry.”
She looked at him incredulously. “You’re a Navy SEAL.”
“Exactly. Shoot at me, I’m good. Crying woman? Completely outside my training.”
Willow laughed.
Jay Bird smiled before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“Wear whatever makes you comfortable. Keep the top on. Wear shorts. Wear a cover-up. Hell, wear a winter coat if you want.”
She gave him a funny look.
He grinned. “I’m just giving you options.”
She smiled as he stepped back.
From somewhere down the hallway came Lily’s excited little voice.
“POOOOL!”
Willow and Jay Bird both looked toward the door.
He sighed. “I think staying home has been vetoed.”
“Apparently.”
“She’s very demanding.”
“You created this monster with pancakes.”
“I’m pretty sure she came that way.”
Willow laughed and picked up the lightweight cover-up she had laid across the bed. She slipped it on over her bathing suit and tied it loosely around her waist.
The scars disappeared for now.
Jay Bird didn’t say anything. He just picked up the pool bag from the floor and headed toward the door as though nothing about the last ten minutes had changed the way he saw her.
“Jay?”
He stopped and looked back.
Willow hesitated before walking over and slipping her arms around his waist.
He immediately returned the embrace.
“Thank you.”
He chuckled against her hair. “I thought we were working on that.”
“I know. But that one deserved it.”
“Fine. I guess I’ll allow it.”
She smiled against his chest.
A second later, Lily appeared in the doorway wearing her purple-and-blue swimsuit, pink water shoes, and a sun hat that was already crooked.
“POOL!”
Jay Bird looked down at her. “Yes, Peanut. We’re going.”
Lily threw both hands into the air as if she had personally won some major victory before racing back down the hallway.
Willow laughed and pulled away from Jay Bird.
“Ready?” he asked.
The question wasn’t really about the pool party. Willow knew that.
She reached down and took his hand. “Yeah.”