36. Madison
36
MADISON
My breath catches in my throat, and for a second, I think I should stop this. I should pull away before it gets complicated. I don’t want things to go too far. And I can already see the way he’s moving in for a kiss.
Something flutters in my stomach, and I want to kiss him. I remember my half-promise to Aurora, made just a few feet away two days ago. But why should I be true to her if I’m not being true to myself?
Then, Ethan kisses me, and I don’t have time to sort through all my thoughts. I just kiss him back. I’m expecting to feel some sort of guilt as our lips touch softly at first. But I don’t.
I just feel elated, complete, whole. Ethan’s hand comes up and cups the back of my head, and our lips press into each other even harder. I feel a warmth in my stomach that is much different than the nausea I’ve been mostly feeling the last few days.
And I know then that I’m not going to stop. I’m going to let Ethan comfort me however he wants.
He pulls me closer to him, guiding me forward, and I tentatively rest my hands on his shoulders. Then, all at once, I’m sitting on top of him, straddling him. I lock my hands behind his neck and continue to kiss him over and over until my lips are sore.
There’s a desperation in my touch, a need I can’t control anymore. And I know he feels it too. I slowly move my hips back and forth against him until I feel his answering touch, right between my legs. There are too many layers of clothing, and it suddenly feels hot in here.
I want to take off his clothes and enjoy him slowly. But if I move too slowly, then I’ll start thinking. And thinking is the last thing I want to do right now.
I push back from him, our lips detaching with a loud smack. I’m standing in front of him, my lips burning from the kiss we just shared. His eyes are on mine. Then, his eyes drop to the rest of me, which is still covered up in layers of clothing.
“I don’t want to push you into anything you’re?—”
“Well, I know what I want. Come on.” I grab his hand and pull him to his feet. The dogs trot after us as we go to my bedroom, but we close the door on them. This moment is just for the two of us.
Once the door is closed, I reach for his clothes. He’s wearing too many layers. He never even took off his jacket once he came inside. I slide that down his arms into a puddle at his feet. Then, I reach for his red sweater.
That comes off quickly, too. I trail my fingers down his torso, and Ethan lets me touch him however I want. I reach the part of his stomach where his pants rest. And I reach for the belt. I undo it.
He’s watching me the whole time, letting me do things at my own speed. Finally, his pants are undone. I slide them down, and there’s just his boxers between me and his skin now.
I reach for his erection, which stands out clearly against his underwear, and wrap my hand around it. I slide my hand up and down, and I hear his breath catch.
I know he said no strings attached, and the surfing school was a gift he wanted to give out of the goodness of his heart. But that doesn’t feel right. I can’t just take it. I want to show my appreciation.
As I pull his boxers to the ground, I get on my knees in front of him and begin to taste him. He grunts as I slowly take him into my mouth.
I move my head back and forth, taking him in my mouth, running my tongue along the soft skin on the end of his dick. He leans back against the wall like he’s not able to stand on his own two feet.
And then, as I fondle his balls and put him as far back in my mouth as he will go, he starts to moan in pleasure. He places a hand on my head and tangles his fingers into my hair.
I can’t take it anymore. When he starts moaning, I stand up. He smiles a slow, lazy smile at me.
“What? You don’t want me to come? I’m close, you know.”
“Not yet. I want you to be inside me.”
“I didn’t bring a condom with me.”
I want to laugh that now he’s suddenly thinking of protection. But I don’t. I don’t want my uncontrollable emotions to ruin this moment. So, I just start taking off my clothes.
Once I’m fully naked, Ethan starts kissing me again. His skin seems to burn against mine. I love the feeling of him warming me. He sets me on the edge of the bed and nudges my legs apart. Leaning back on the palms of my hands, I look up at him.
He’s not watching my face, though. He’s looking down between my legs as he slowly, carefully thrusts himself forward. We groan in unison.
“I want you to do it hard,” I insist.
“Oh really? Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“Yes.”
But he still doesn’t move any faster. He slowly pushes himself inside, inch by inch, until I am full of him. Then, he moves slowly, extracting himself, until I can’t stand waiting any longer.
“Ethan!” I start to beg.
That’s when he takes my hint and moves faster, holding on to me as he thrusts himself in and out of me as fast as he can. I can’t catch my breath. Instead, I fall back onto the mattress and close my eyes.
I let ecstasy wash over me as I come on him. A moment later, Ethan jerks himself out as he comes. I should tell him I’m pregnant.
But I don’t want to ruin this moment. I just lie there with him for a few minutes, soaking in the sound of his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin.
After a few minutes, Ethan heads to the bathroom and comes back with some toilet paper. I don’t want to move, so I pat the spot beside me on the bed.
The room is quiet except for the sound of our breathing. My head rests on his chest, and I trace lazy patterns on his skin with my fingertips. I don’t want to ruin the calm that’s settled over us, but I know we can’t stay like this forever. There’s too much hanging over us.
“I talked to Aurora.” I can at least bring that up. I may not have the courage to admit I’m pregnant yet. But we need to have this conversation.
I feel Ethan tense beside me, and I know he’s waiting for the rest of it.
“She said…” I bite my lip, trying to find the right words. “She told me I couldn’t be with you. That it would ruin everything between us if I didn’t promise to stay away from you. And I kind of… Well, I said it was a one-time thing.”
I feel Ethan sigh, and he brings his hand up to rub over his face. “Madison, you don’t have to listen to her. She came into my house pretty mad, too. Even though my relationship with her is important, neither one of us can allow her to make our decisions for us.”
I sit up and hug my knees to my chest. I’m still naked, but I don’t feel embarrassed. “I know. But she’s my best friend, Ethan. And she’s your daughter. It’s not like we can just ignore how she feels.”
He sits up too, running a hand through his hair, and I can see the conflict on his face. I know he didn’t want any of this to get so messy. Neither of us did. I certainly was never planning on sleeping with him again. But then again…when he came over, it just felt right.
And he cares about me! He said he cares about me. My thoughts sing through my mind as I realize what this really means.
“I want to see where this goes, but I have to be realistic. I don’t know how we can make this work. I don’t want to lose Aurora, but I also don’t want to lose what we…might have.”
Ethan reaches out and takes my hand, his grip firm and steady. “We don’t need everyone’s approval. What matters is what we want. If we want to be together, then we’ll find a way to make it work. ”
I look down at our hands, his fingers laced with mine, and I want to believe him. I want to believe that it’s that simple. But what if it’s not enough? Loving him won’t fix everything.
“But how is it even going to work? Practically speaking. I mean…we’re completely different people.”
“We can take things slow. We don’t have to make any big decisions right away. We can figure things out as we go.” He shrugs like it’s so simple. But I’ve never been good at taking things slow. I’ve always fallen fast.
“Could we… Could we keep this a secret for now? At least until things calm down with Aurora? If it seems like… Well, we can always tell her later.”
“If that’s what you want, then yes. We can keep this between us for now. And I won’t go talking to any more co-workers.”
“Is that how she found out?”
Ethan shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Yeah, it was kind of my fault. I didn’t… It should never have happened. Anyway, it won’t again.”
I lean into him, resting my head against his shoulder. “Thank you. I just… I can’t deal with everything all at once right now.”
He wraps his arm around me, holding me close. We sit in silence for a while, but there’s a calmness now that wasn’t there before.
I yawn, exhaustion finally catching up with me, and Ethan looks down at me with a soft smile. “You should get some sleep. It’s late. Have the dogs gone out for the last time?”
“No, but I should?—”
“I’ve got it,” Ethan offers.
And I want to resist. I don’t need him, but this time, I want to be taken care of. I finally nod, crawling under the covers. “Are you going to leave after you take them out?”
“I won’t if you don’t want me to.” Ethan is starting to pull on his clothes, preparing for the blast of frosty air.
I know that this is a big moment. We’ve never stayed over at each other’s houses, but this feels different. Finally, I nod, and a grin spreads across his face.
“Give me ten minutes to get these dogs squared away, then I’ll be back.”
I might be asleep before then because I can feel my exhaustion pulling at me, but I grin right back. I like the idea of us sleeping curled up in each other’s arms.
I think I’m really starting to care about this man, too.