38. Madison
38
MADISON
Ethan pulls up in front of a wide-open lot near the beach, and my heart starts racing the moment I see it. There’s a shack-like building with a perfect view of the ocean. My only concern is that it could be easily flooded, but I don’t want to think in practicalities right now.
I want to run up to the shack and wrap my arms around it. I can see all my dreams blossoming right in front of me.
It’s perfect—better than I could have imagined. I’m sitting in the passenger seat, trying to keep my breathing steady, but it feels like the world is spinning around me. Ethan’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
“We’re here. Ready to take a look?”
I nod, but my hands are trembling as I reach for the door handle. I can’t believe he’s done this for me. Securing a space for my dream—a surf school. It’s overwhelming in the best ways, but also terrifying because I don’t know if I can handle this much kindness right now. Everything in my life feels so out of control, and here he is, giving me the one thing I’ve wanted for so long. I don’t deserve it. Not after the mess I’ve gotten myself into .
If I told him I was pregnant right now… he would be furious. He would feel like I’ve tricked him for not telling him right away. But I can’t tell him. Not now. I thought about it at breakfast. I thought it was the right time to tell him, but then, he looked at me. I lost my courage.
And right now isn’t the right time either. I can’t spoil this moment. I’m also scared that he’ll take the key back. And I know it’s wrong. I shouldn’t let that make decisions for me, but I can’t help it.
I want to see this space. I can tell Ethan later, another day, or in a few days. Right now, I just want to revel in the fact that we’re together, even if it’s a secret.
I step out of the car, the salty air hitting my face, and I follow him toward the lot. The sand stretches out in front of us, and the ocean waves crash in the distance. Ethan walks a little ahead. He reaches the building just before I do, and then it’s like he realizes that I’m the one with the key.
He is talking about the lot and different things the real estate agent said. He talks about potential and restoration and lots of other things.
But I can barely hear him over the pounding in my head. My body feels heavy, and a slight dizziness creeps in, like I’m moving through water. My hand instinctively moves to my stomach.
Then, it’s like everything slides back into place, and I’m fine again.
I continue forward, extending the key into the lock. But it feels like I’m walking through a dream or watching the whole scene play out from up in the sky. I turn the handle and push the door open.
The space is compact, but I only need enough space to store some equipment for my students. We will be doing everything else on the sand .
Ethan squeezes into the space behind me and points to the retractable wall that I’ll be able to pull up and turn into a counter so people can walk up and sign up for classes. “I thought this space was perfect. And you have plenty of time to paint it up and make it look sparkling new. Bright colors will make everyone curious about what the new business on Oak Island is.”
I grin as I lean against the counter and stare at the walls, trying to imagine what it will look like when it’s prepared for the summer season. But then, there’s a thought that I don’t know when this baby is due, but I have my guesses. By the time summer comes around, I may be huge. I don’t know if I’ll be able to teach anything .
I can’t tell Ethan that, though. I have to keep it a secret.
“Do you have a name picked out yet?”
I finally speak after taking in the information he’s been giving me. “I don’t know. I don’t want something lame like Madison’s Surf School. I need something more creative. Besides, I know some people might not sign up for lessons if they know it’s a female giving them. Some people can be…sexist.”
Ethan looks concerned. “I get what you’re saying. People sometimes do have ideas about what people can do based on their gender. So, what are you thinking? Something related to Oak Island? Oak Island Surf?”
I shrug, considering the idea. “I don’t know. I need to write down some ideas and…” I was going to say get my friends’ opinions, but then a thought hits me. How am I going to tell them that I have my surf school?
If Aurora knows that her father bought it for me, she’s going to be furious . They’ll know I didn’t buy it myself. Maybe I can pretend I’m renting it. But that’s another lie, and I’m going to have trouble holding onto them if I keep spewing them out like this.
“And what?”
“Think about it. I don’t have to pick something right now. Luckily, I have months before spring break. Maybe I’ll try to get it up and running in April as a sort of test run. Then, I can make some improvements before the summer season hits.”
I step out of the shack, and the dizziness hits me again. I grip the edge of the doorway. Well, I try to. I miss and nearly fall down the steps.
Ethan grabs my arm and keeps me from tumbling onto my face.
“Madison? Are you okay?”
I can’t hide this anymore. It’s only a matter of time before it’s obvious. And I have to tell him. Now.
But not yet. No, I can’t yet. Not like this.
I force a smile and nod, but my knees feel weak. “Yeah, I’m good. Just a little tired, and I missed that step there. Maybe I’ll paint it bright yellow or something.”
Ethan continues to hold my arm as I walk down the last two steps.
Ethan eyes me skeptically. “You sure? You look a little pale. Do you want to sit down for a minute?”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, already helping me settle on the sand. I sit down, grateful to have something solid beneath me. The dizziness lingers though, and I close my eyes, willing it to pass.
I feel like I could pass out right now, but I don’t want to. I don’t know where this is coming from. Should I have eaten more breakfast? When I was looking at the food, I felt like there was no way I could stuff any more of it inside me .
But now, I feel like an empty cavern that hasn’t had food in a long time.
We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I glance back at the shack, and grateful tears well up in my throat. “Ethan, this place is perfect. I want you to know that. I appreciate this so much.”
I bite my bottom lip and try to keep my emotions in check as much as possible. I can’t start crying right now even though the annoying urge to cry is hitting me. I have to tell Ethan. I have to tell him.
The mantra continues to pound through my head. I can’t keep waiting. And right now, I don’t even have the strength to stand up and walk back to the car.
The way he’s looking at me tells me he knows something is wrong. I don’t want to spoil this moment of him showing me the space, but…
I freeze, the words catching in my throat. I thought I could keep this secret a little longer, but I can’t. Not anymore. My heart pounds quickly. This is the moment. There’s no turning back.
“Ethan…” I swallow hard, trying to find the right words. “I need to tell you something.”
He rests his hand gently on my leg. “You can tell me anything.”
The kindness in his voice makes my chest ache. I’ve been so afraid of this—of telling him, of what he’ll think, of what this will do to us. But I can’t keep it hidden anymore. He deserves to know.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. The dizziness intensifies, and I lower my head, unable to look at him.
The silence that follows is suffocating. I feel like I can’t breathe, like the air around me has thickened, and I’m drowning in it. For a second, I’m just sucking air into my lungs, hoping the dizziness will pass, barely able to think about how Ethan might respond.
I brace myself for whatever comes next—whether it’s shock or anger or maybe even rejection. All the possibilities run through my mind as I wait for Ethan’s reaction.
But I still can’t bring myself to meet his eyes. I just sit there, staring at the sand, trying to prepare myself for the worst.