45. Ethan
45
ETHAN
Madison is crying in my arms, her whole body trembling against mine. The sound of her sobs fills the room, tearing at my insides. I tighten my hold on her, wishing there was something I could do to take her pain away. But no matter what I say, no matter how many times I whisper, “It’s going to be okay,” it doesn’t seem to reach her.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, you don’t have to apologize.” My hand strokes her hair gently, but I can feel the stiffness in her body as though she’s trying to distance herself from me.
She doesn’t respond. She doesn’t stop crying either, and I feel this creeping frustration building inside me. I know she’s hurting, but why does Aurora’s opinion matter this much? I mean, I get it—it was hard for her to hear, but she’ll come around. She’s my daughter. Madison shouldn’t be blaming herself like this.
“Madison, look at me.” I pull back enough to see her tear-streaked face. Her eyes are red, and it kills me to see her like this. “This isn’t your fault. Aurora’s just upset right now. She’ll cool down and come back. We just need to give her some time. You know how she is.”
Madison sniffles, shaking her head as she wipes at her face. “You don’t get it, Ethan. She hates me. She doesn’t want to see me ever again. I ruined everything… she has been my best friend. And now the others will listen to her and…”
I let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through my hair. “You didn’t ruin anything. Aurora’s just shocked. It’s a lot for her to process. She’s acting like a kid, but she’ll get over it.”
Madison pulls away from me. She starts pacing back and forth across the room. “How can you be so calm about this? That’s your daughter, Ethan! She just stormed out, and you’re acting like it’s no big deal!”
Her words sting. I’m trying to be rational here and keep things in perspective, but it seems like no matter what I say, it’s not enough. “Of course, I care that she’s upset, but she always overreacts. She’ll come back once she’s had time to cool off.”
Madison shakes her head again, her face crumpling as fresh tears spill down her cheeks. “You don’t understand. It’s not just about her ‘cooling off.’ Aurora’s not like that. When she’s angry, she holds onto it. She doesn’t forgive easily. I mean, she still remembers the time in fifth grade when I was so jealous of her eraser collection that I stole one. She was mad about that for a long time. And that was an eraser. ”
“So, are you going to let her ruin everything between us? Just because she’s mad now doesn’t mean we’re doomed.”
Madison looks at me like I’ve just said the most insensitive thing in the world. “Ethan, I care about her opinion! It’s not just about you and me. You have a daughter, and I don’t want to be the reason she feels hurt or betrayed. You should care about what she thinks.”
Her words hit a nerve, and suddenly, I’m on the defensive. “ Of course I care what she thinks! But I’m not going to let her dictate how I live my life or who I’m with. You’re important to me too, Madison. You and this baby. I’m not going to let anyone, even Aurora, stand in the way of that.”
Madison flinches at the intensity in my voice, and I instantly regret the way I said it. Why is this turning into a battle about who cares more? I’m doing everything I can to make sure Madison knows she’s not alone in this. Why isn’t that enough?
She stops her pacing and looks at me, her eyes still red from crying. “You’ve had your whole life with Aurora. You’re her dad. No matter what, she’ll always love you. But me? I’m more expendable.”
I get up too, needing to be on my feet. “That’s not true, and you know it. We’re building something together here, and I’m not going to let one argument with Aurora blow it all up. Let’s focus on the positive of this situation.”
Madison looks away, her shoulders hunched like she’s trying to make herself smaller. “I’m scared, Ethan. I’m scared she’ll never accept me. And if she stays angry and refuses to talk to you, you’ll be forced to choose. And I won’t be your first choice.”
I feel my temper flare, not at her, but at the whole damn situation. “I’m not going to have to choose, Madison. I’m not going to lose you, and I’m not going to lose Aurora either. We just need time.”
“But what if time doesn’t fix it?”
I step closer to her, reaching for her hands, but she pulls away again. It stings, this rejection from Madison. But she’s demanding answers. This doesn’t seem like the right time to tell her… There’s been a thought dancing around in my head about what I feel for her. But I can’t say it now. I don’t want to slap it on the situation like a Band-Aid .
“I’m in this with you, for the long haul. Aurora will come around, but we can’t control how quickly that happens. What we can control is us. You and me.”
“I just… I can’t stand the idea of being the reason things are broken between you two.”
“You’re not the reason. This is going to take work, but relationships take work. And I’m willing to put in the time, because I want this. I want us.”
Madison lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lose you, Ethan.”
“You won’t, but I can’t lose you either, okay? We’re a team now. We face this together.”
Madison closes her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. When she opens them again, there’s still fear there. But she seems more determined than before.
“I’m worried about…everything. The baby, Aurora, how people are going to react. I don’t know if I’m ready. I know I want to be with you, but I’m not ready for the whole world. Now that Aurora knows, we have no choice but to be ready for the world.”
I pull her into my arms. “It’s okay to be scared, but we’ll figure it out. We just don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”
She leans into me, resting her head on my chest, and for a few moments, we just stand there, holding each other.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I finally apologize.
“I forgive you. Ethan, can you…stay over at my place tonight?”
A grin fills my face. Because that is exactly what I want to do. “Yes, I would love to have a sleepover with you.”
Madison bites her bottom lip, then stands on her toes to kiss me. We still have some things to figure out, but we can figure them out together.