Chapter Ten
Silas
I kiss my girl on the top of her head. “Stay inside and lock the door. Don’t come out for anything.”
“I don’t like this. Let me talk to him. He’s—”
“I love you, sweet girl, but I should handle this alone.”
There’s a slow silence before Ellie nods and slips into the house, locking the door behind her. The click of the deadbolt feels louder than it should, like this whole damn thing is about to blow the fuck up and every moment of it is on me.
I don’t blame Adam at all. I get it. I’d want to fuck me up too. I’d want to fuck me up in all kinds of ways.
He hops off the tractor and walks across the field in jeans and a T-shirt, his baseball cap back.
The cap I bought while we were at a game a year or so ago up in the Springs.
Everything felt okay then. We were eating hotdogs, laughing about missed plays, poking fun at the Scarecrows for missing another hit.
Maybe I was kidding myself. Maybe he was putting on a show. Maybe he’s been hating me for years.
“You’re fucking sick,” he barks, his shoulders wide, his jaw clenched as he walks toward me. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re supposed to be my father and you’re doing God knows what with my ex-girlfriend! Who does that? You’re a sick fucking asshole!”
I deserve worse than anything he’s saying, so I stay quiet and let his vengeful words be carried by the breeze that’s filled with the soft, clean scent of my mishandled emotions.
“I saw you kissing her in the alley today. You two can’t even hide it anymore?
” He huffs under his breath as his dark eyes flare with more anger.
“First, it was all the stupid little conversations, then you started talking about planting all this lavender. That’s when I put the tracker on her phone.
I figured I’d catch you texting her, but you didn’t, and I thought maybe this was all in my head.
So, I made a plan to get her back. Then, this week, you ran off to protect her… from me!”
“You weren’t trying to get her back. You were going to kidnap her.”
“I was going to show her what she was missing out on.” He laughs through the anger. “I cared about her and you became the wall between us.”
He shakes his head, and though I know he’s gone off the rails, I feel responsible for most of it.
“I get you’re mad at me, you should be, but you can’t do what you’re doing. You can’t vandalize people’s property. You can’t make plans to kidnap someone. You can’t—”
“You know what,” he smiles, “you’re right, Dad. Thanks for the talk.” He takes a step back toward his truck parked behind the oak tree at the corner of the lot.
“I didn’t know you were still thinking about her like that. You broke up and I—”
“And you thought she was up for grabs. I get it, Dad.” He shakes his head. “You know what… it makes sense. There aren’t enough women your age on the mountain, oh wait, there are a plenty of them!”
“I didn’t plan for this. I didn’t seek her out. I spent the last year trying to avoid her. Then I found your notebook, I thought her parents should know she was in danger, and her mom asked that I help.”
He groans. “Oh, you helped alright.”
I don’t know if this can be repaired.
“So, what happens now? You two play house and she becomes my new mommy?”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare at my son. This is terrible. “I don’t know what this is, Adam. I don’t know how to make sense of what’s happened between Ellie and I. I know in your eyes it’s wrong. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Not sorry enough to dump her.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I realize this is awkward for you, and I know it’s going to take time for you to come around again, but I love her. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.”
A black bird caws overhead as my son shakes his head and stares down at the ground, kicking the lavender dust. “I doubt I’ll be shipping out now, given the criminal record I’m about to have,” he groans. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”
“Do you want to be stuck here?”
“Fuck no!”
“I can talk to Josie to see about dropping the charges, given you go clean the place up and pay for the damages. We’ve known her long enough that I think she’ll cut us some slack if we offer her something extra in return.
She’s been wanting a new mixer. I might be able to sweeten the pot.
” I step toward my son, my heart hung out on my sleeve.
“I love you, and I don’t expect forgiveness, but I need you to know that no matter what, I’ll always be here for you. ”
I’m within arm’s reach of him now, and part of me is expecting a punch, given the fact that I deserve it, though it doesn’t happen.
Instead, he hangs his head and draws his gaze up slowly, the sun casting lines across his face.
“When mom died, I was too young to understand why she left. Why she overdosed. Why she chose those other people over me. I spent most of my life wondering if her death was somehow my fault, like maybe the pressure of being a mom drove her to drugs. I never told you that, but I feel like you knew it and you overcompensated for her absence. You made me feel like I was your world. You coached the baseball team, you showed up at the scout bake sales with brownies, and you never left my side when I was sick. I felt like the center of your universe, and it was great, but I always felt like something was missing and it was my fault.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Adam, my son, it wasn’t your fault, the same way it wasn’t mine.
It took a long time and a lot of conversations with people to know that your mom was lost when it happened.
We married and had you young, but your mom felt like she was missing out on her youth.
Getting married and having a baby was exciting, but after the dust settled, she was married to a Marine who was gone more times than not, and she saw her friends having carefree lives.
She would tell me this, but I didn’t expect her to turn to drugs to find what she was looking for. ”
I reach out for my son, landing my hand on his shoulder. “I wish things had been different for you, and I see now that I should have had this conversation with you when you were younger. I had a lot of people to talk to about your mother, and I regret that you did this all on your own.”
I lower my head slightly and say, “You’ve always been my world and I love you, but now I need you to find room in it for Ellie and I.
She found a spot in my heart that I thought was dead, and now I can’t let her go.
Nothing happened between us while you two were together, but since then, she’s become someone I can’t live without.
I want you to be a part of our lives, but if you can’t accept this situation at all, I understand. ”
“You deserve love, Dad, and as much as this pisses me off, I want you to be happy.” He nods toward me as he walks to his truck. “It’s going to take me some time to get used to, but maybe by the time I get back from boot camp it won’t sound so fucking disgusting.”
My chest warms as I follow behind him, making my way back toward the cabin. I’m not sure what I expected, and I’d have liked everything to have ended with a hug, but I’m not sure that’s very realistic.
He climbs up into his truck, the door groaning before he gives me a small nod. It’s nothing dramatic, but as the engine rumbles to life and he pulls away, that small nod hits me differently, like maybe there’s a chance these pieces can still fit together.
“You ok?” I turn back toward Ellie and take her in, kissing her forehead softly, breathing in the vanilla in her hair. “Yes, all good. I think he’ll come around.”
“Really?” She narrows her brows inward as she says, “That’s amazing.”
“Yeah.” I pull my girl against my chest. “I’m sure the road will be bumpy, but maybe not as bad as we thought. What about you? How are you feeling?”
“Well,” she narrows her eyes sharply, “while you were telling Adam, I decided to tell my parents before they heard it somewhere else. They’re requesting dinner tonight.”
My chest tightens. “Then we’ll go to dinner. I’m sure they have a lot of questions. How’d they sound?”
“Umm,” she bites back a grin, “not great. My mom sounded confused and my dad didn’t say a word.
” Leaves rustle in the oak behind us as she says, “It’s my sister and your brother who are going to be a pain in the ass.
Did you know she’s been babysitting for Cash?
I was razzing her about finding a real job and she said he offered her a nanny position. ”
I shake my head and roll my eyes. “Nanny? He’s always talking shit about people that have nannies.” A laugh escapes. “Those two are going to have a field day talking shit about us. My brother thinks I’ve lost it.”
“Have you?” She grins and stares up at me, her pretty brown eyes reflecting the light from the sun.
“I reckon I lost it the day I met you, and I’m okay with that. Also,” I tuck her tiny hand into mine and guide her toward the barn, “I wanted to show you something.”
We slip around the side, boots brushing through the grass as the barn’s shadow gives way to the open field. Back here, the air shifts to something warmer, sweeter.
The moment we clear the fence, the scent hits. Her breath catches and her fingers tighten around mine. “Lavender!”
“Three acres of lavender and two of the coneflower.” I nod toward the beehives I built last season. “This extra space was set up for honey. No bees yet, but the hives are ready.”
She steps forward, letting her free hand skim the tops of the plants, sun catching in her hair. “I can’t believe you planted all this.”
“It’s all yours. I meant what I said. I’ll support you while you get this started. I can help with whatever you need.”
Her eyes widen as she stares up at me. “I don’t know what to say.”
“No need to say anything.” I lift her up into my arms. “You deserve everything and I plan to give it to you.”
Her legs wrap around my waist as her lips press against mine again and again. I wasn’t planning a proposal, but I believe in moments, and right now, this moment feels perfect.
With her still in my arms, I lean down and pick a flower and wrap the stem into a ring. “Angel, I want to give you everything. I want you here with me, building a home, having my babies, and being my wife. I know this isn’t an official ring, but I’ll get you one.”
She shakes her head back and forth quickly, tears falling down her cheek as though she’s in disbelief. “I love it.”
“Great,” I say, setting her back on the ground before bending to my knee, “because I have a question to ask.” I clear my throat and stare up at my girl.
The sweet beauty with dark hair and the softest touch.
“Ellie, the second I met you, I knew you were someone special, and I knew that life wasn’t going to be the same again.
You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re caring, and your heart speaks to mine in a way no one else ever has.
I knew when we separated for that year, forgetting you would be impossible.
And even if I never ran into you again, I would spend every day for the rest of my life thinking about you, fantasizing about you, wanting you. ”
I hold her hand in mine as a gentle breeze ruffles lavender between us.
“I know this path will be strained at times, and I know we won’t be as accepted as we both wish we were, but I need you.
My beautiful, sweet, little angel, I need you.
Will you marry me?” I hold the ring flower up waiting for her answer, my stomach tight.
Her smile widens, her tears fall harder, and she barrels into my chest, kissing my lips softly as I slide the stemmed ring onto her finger. “Yes, yes, yes!”
We fall onto the ground in the field of flowers, the scent of lavender surrounding us as she lays her curved body on top of mine.
For the first time, I’m not thinking about what comes next or what could go wrong. I’m just here, staring at my sweet angel, her pretty face framed by sunlight and wildflowers, under a sky that finally feels big enough for our love.