Marina #3
I sit up, feeling his dick shift in me. He's slowly going soft as I start to realize how uncomfortable this may be for him. I've already told him I'm getting married to someone else, and now I'm getting emotional during sex. What's wrong with me?
"I’m okay."
"You're not okay, Marina. What is it?" His hand pushes hair from my face and then cradles my cheek. He smells like our sex, but I lean into him.
"I don't want to go back in there and pick wedding stuff." I feel like I am going to burst into tears any second.
"Then don't..." He pulls me down, kissing me tenderly. "Stay with me. We'll go have dinner."
My heart physically aches to do that with him. He is my dream come true, but I have to use self-control. My father has expectations.
"I can't... The wedding—" Just saying the word "wedding" makes me burst into tears. Stepan is right there, kissing the tears away, drying my cheeks.
"Hey, shh... Baby, it's okay."
"It's not okay," I whine. "I don't want to marry him.
" I don’t know what's come over me. I can't control the water works.
It's probably ruining my makeup, and Elira will think I've been fighting and not fucking.
I feel so conflicted now. It's not even guilt anymore.
It's a strong animosity toward Maksim and such a powerful temptation to throw it all away and do what I want.
"Then don’t," Stepan says softly. I lift my eyes to him in confusion and he continues. "Marry me instead, Rina." No one calls me that but Elira. And hearing Stepan say it makes my heart feel tangled up even worse.
"What are you talking about?" I swipe at my eyes and push back farther on to his knees. His dick slides out of me and I feel his cum draining, soaking my panties and making the mess worse, but he is dead serious.
"I mean it. Marry me instead." He grabs my hips and blinks a few times, looking out the fogged window before turning back. "I think I love you, Marina. And I don't want to lose you. Don’t marry that jerk. He doesn't even care about you. He doesn’t want you the way I do."
It's supposed to be every woman's dream to hear a man confess his undying love to her and have him propose.
But instead of feeling warmed and needed, I feel strangely hurt by this.
Stepan knows I can't just abdicate my duty to my family and ignore the consequences.
I've explained all of this to him. What would my father say? What would my family do?
Maksim would destroy us, and then what? All so I could have amazing sex?
I don't know Stepan. Hell, I don’t even know his last name—which I've done on purpose because I need insulation from this, from the emotional entanglement I've obviously let myself get messed up in.
"No," I say softly, turning my head. "I can't."
I feel the air being sucked out of his car as his chest deflates. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to ask me that, or maybe it was irrational impulsivity. Either way, my choice is the same. I hate the facts, but it doesn’t change them. I have to marry Maksim. It's what’s best for my family.
"Okay," he says gently, and he reaches between us and tucks his dick away. Zipping up, he says, "I honestly understand..." But he sounds sad—really sad.
It yanks my heart right out of my chest as more tears fall.
I reach for the door handle, wondering if this is the last time I see him.
He knows there is no point in pursuing anything more with me.
My answer will be the same no matter what.
This can only be a fling—only a rush and a thrill for a short time until I have to do the right thing.
"I'm sorry," I mumble as I open the door and climb out.
But before I stand all the way, he grabs my wrist. "Rina," he says quietly, "when can I see you again?"
I straighten, glancing up the alley, and then sigh. "You know I can't be anything but a fling, Stepan. I'm getting married in just over four months. Why do this to yourself?" I search his expression but only see earnest expectation.
"I told you. I want to enjoy every second of you before you have to walk away... Okay? So can I just enjoy you a bit longer?"
It breaks my heart to see him struggling, but I see how plainly he tries to hide his emotion. He really does love me. And I'm really going to destroy his heart if he keeps holding on to me. But how do I look in those eyes of love and say no?
"Okay," I mumble, and it twists like a knife because I realize I’m falling in love too. My duty is a double-edged sword cutting both of us. I hate it, and I hate Maksim Orlov for being the one I am forced to leave Stepan for.
"Good... Now go delete those images from your phone before someone sees them and your world blows up. I'll text you later." He presses two fingers to his lips in a kiss, then holds them out to me. I wrap my pointer finger around them for a second, then turn and walk away.
The most amazing man in the world is in love with me and I can’t even have him. The worst part is, he's going to love me so perfectly, it makes me hate myself for saying goodbye to him, all to his own pain.
I am a wretch.
I deserve hell.