Chapter Nineteen
I wake up before she does and when I do, I stay as still as possible. I just want to savor this.
Claire is tucked into me, warm and soft, her back pressed against my chest, my arm wrapped securely around her like it's found its place and refused to leave.
I've been sleeping next to her ever since she got sick. She's never told me to go. I've never offered to. And somewhere along the way, it's stopped feeling temporary.
But this is special. It's the first time since I ruined everything that she's in my arms. My thumb brushes lightly over her arm, slow, absent.
She stirs, then inhales softly and squirms a little. Then her eyes blink open, still heavy with sleep.
"Good morning, cari?o," I murmur against her hair.
She melts. I feel the way her body softens further into mine, the way her breathing deepens for just a second like she's sinking into the warmth instead of waking up.
It hits me low in my chest. I tighten my arm around her just slightly.
"Morning," she mumbles, voice rough and soft and still half asleep. I smile into her hair.
"Family day."
She goes still. Then she turns in my arms, slow and a little clumsy with sleep, her face tilting up toward mine.
"Family day?" she repeats, eyes suddenly wider, brighter.
There it is. The happy, excited look in her eyes that I haven't seen directed at me since the night of the gala. My chest warms.
I nod once.
"Family day."
"Wait. Like... all day?" she asks, like she needs to be sure.
"All day."
She grins and something tight and aching in me loosens just a little.
Downstairs smells like heaven. Claire pauses at the bottom step, blinking, noise in the air to catch the scent of the food.
"Oh my god."
I smirk, "Yeah."
The kitchen is chaos, but only in the absolute best way.
Abuela is at the stove while Mama is plating things faster than I can keep track of.
There's food everywhere. Eggs, potatoes, fruit, and fresh tortillas covered in a tea towel.
"Sit, sit!" Abuela waves us in the second she sees us.
Claire looks back at me like, is this real?
I just pull out her chair.
She sits and I immediately feel her get overwhelmed through the bond.
"Oh my god," she whispers as plate after plate gets set in front of her.
"You have to try everything," Isabella insists, already adding more.
"I can't eat all of this—"
"You can try. It will gel you recover."
Claire laughs, a little breathless. And then she digs in. We all sit around the table, talking over each other, passing plates, stealing bites.
Claire fits into it so easily it almost doesn't feel new. Like she's always been here. This is where she belongs.
Every time I look at her she's smiling.
The rest of the day blurs.
Movies piled on top of each other, blankets dragged into the living room, and card games that get way too competitive way too fast.
"You're cheating," Anna accuses.
"I'm winning," I correct.
"Because you're cheating!"
"It's not cheating if I don't get caught, little sister." I say as I make a play that will set me up for the win.
Claire snorts from beside me, cards fanned out in her hands.
"You're both ridiculous."
"You love it," I tell her.
She rolls her eyes, but she leans into my side anyway. I take a deep breath and savor this feeling.
"Ay."
Everyone pauses and slowly turns toward Mama.
Claire looks between us. "What—"
Anna groans immediately. "Oh no."
"What?" Claire whispers.
I lean closer to her. "Just watch."
Isabella presses a hand to her chest, shaking her head softly.
"Whatever will a mama do?"
"Ma," Anna says, already exasperated. "What's wrong?"
Kade is up instantly. He crosses the room and crouches next to her, concern written all over his face.
"What's wrong, Mama?" he asks gently.
Claire's eyes go wide. I bite the inside of my cheek to contain my smile and keep my face stoic.
Mama sighs heavily again.
"Oh, Kade..." she says, reaching for his hand. "Kade, I am getting old."
Anna drops her face into her hands.
Claire blinks. "She is not—"
"My health is fragile," Isabella continues, ignoring her completely.
Kade looks horrified. "What? Since when—"
"Any day now," she presses on. "I could go back to God."
Claire chokes on her drink. I reach over automatically, rubbing her back once.
Kade looks like he might pass out. "Mama, no, don't say that—"
"And before I go," Isabella says, voice trembling dramatically, "I just wish..."
Kade leans closer. "What, Mama?"
"...that you and Anna would give me one grandbaby."
There's a brief silence and then Kade chokes. Anna loses it immediately, doubling over laughing.
"Mama are you serious?" she asks, still laughing.
"I am dying!" Isabella insists.
"You're forty eight!" Anna fires back.
"Forty nine in October," Mama corrects.
"THAT IS NOT OLD!"
Claire is laughing with her head tipped back, eyes bright, body shaking slightly as she tries to catch her breath.
Kade is still in front of Isabella, completely panicked. "We can talk about this, Mama, okay? We can—"
"No time," Isabella says solemnly.
I lose it. I can't help it. I held out for as long as I could. Claire leans into me, still laughing, gripping my arm like she needs the support.
I let her stay there and let myself memorize the sound of it, the feeling of it.
This is what I want. Not just the laughter or the ease. Every single bit of it. Claire, here, spending time with our family.
The bond pulses and purrs at our proximity and shared amusement. At our happiness.
The feelings of happiness causes dread to immediately overtake me and settle deep in my chest.
I don't want her to leave. Ever.
The thought lands harder than anything else has all week. Of course I already know the truth that comes with it. I don't get to ask that of her after what I did.
I reduced her to something small when she's anything but. I have no right to ask her to stay.
So I don't say it.
Instead, I allow myself to I onto this moment and her laughter. Closing my eyes, I take in the feel of her warmth against my side and the way she woke up in my arms this morning, soft and sleepy and trusting without thinking about it.
I memorize every piece.
Then I throw myself back into the moment. If this is all I get, I'm not wasting a second of it.