Chapter Twenty
The day comes too fast. I worry all day that she'll make it home and leave before I can get there to say goodbye.
I kick myself for doing things the way I have for the last six days.
She hasn't forgiven me yet. I should've done things differently and more extravagant. I should've taken her on vacation.
I make it home before she does and wait on the couch with a good view of the door so I can act like I'm not waiting. It's quiet in the house when she gets back.
I hear the front door before I see her, the soft click echoing through the hallway, and something in my chest tightens immediately.
Claire steps inside, a little slower than usual, her bag slipping off her shoulder as she nudges the door closed behind her.
She looks tired. Better, but still soft around the edges from being sick.
Her eyes lift when she sees me.
"Hey," she says.
"Hey," I answer, already pushing off the couch.
And just like that, everyone descends.
"Claire!" Abuela calls from the kitchen. "You're home just in time!"
Claire blinks. "For what?"
"Dinner," Isabella says, appearing like she's been waiting for this exact moment.
Claire hesitates. I feel her instinct to pull back, to go upstairs and get her suitcase....to leave.
But then she glances at me and something soft flickers through the bond.
"Okay," she says.
We settle into dinner easily and it quickly turns into the family bantering and laughing. Dinner turns into laughter.
Abuela piles Claires plate too high and Mama insists she needs seconds, despite her not being able to finish her firsts. Anna is already arguing with Kade about something ridiculous.
Claire just relaxes into it like she always does. I melted the way she leans into the conversation, and the way she forgets for a second at a time that she was supposed to leave.
"Dessert," Abuela announces immediately after plates are cleared.
Claire laughs. "I really should—"
"Dessert," Isabella repeats, already cutting into something sweet.
Claire looks at me like I have any control here. She knows mama and Abuela run the household.
I raise my hands slightly. "You're outnumbered."
She sighs, but she stays.
Dessert turns into game night and game night turns into her staying another hour, and then another.
Mama tries to start a movie, pulling the blankets out and dimming the lights.
For a moment, it feels like yesterday. Like I have another twenty four hours with her and I can do something to show her, to ensure she understands my regret. And my love for her.
"I should go." Her voice is quiet, not dramatic, but my chest feels like a bolder was dropped onto it.
Claire pushes the blanket off her lap and stands.
"I really should," she adds, softer.
No one argues this time. There's a few soft protests, and Anna says "stay a little longer" in a pleading voice.
But they all know it's over. I can see them glance at me from the corner of their eyes with sadness.
I don't follow right away, I can't. My chest feels like it's caving in. Something is physically pressing down on it.
I had all that time and it still wasn't enough. If I couldn't get her to love me again while she was here, how the hell am I supposed to do it when she's gone?
She comes down a few minutes later with her bag. I push off the wall immediately, crossing to her before anyone else can.
"I'll walk you out," I say.
She nods.
We don't say much as I walk her through the house, then the front door into the warm night air.
The walk to her car feels too short. Everything feels too short.
She reaches for the door, but I don't let her open it. Instead, I set her bag down and step in front of her.
My hands come up before I can stop them, cupping her cheeks gently.
She stills and her eyes lift to mine.
The bond is loud. I can feel her struggle, her pull toward me. But underneath it, I can feel her resolve. She's steady and firm in her decision.
I know I'm not helping the bond at all. All I'm pushing back into it is a tangle of my sorrow, anxiety and grief.
I force myself to breathe, to steady and try to soften the sharp edge of the emotion.
And then I smile, the best I can.
"I love you, Claire," I whisper.
Her breath catches.
"I'm not expecting you to say it back," I add quickly, shaking my head slightly. "I just... I need you to know."
My thumbs brush lightly over her cheeks.
"I love you so much."
Her eyes shine, but she doesn't interrupt.
"You can go," I say, voice quieter now. "You can take all the time you need. But I'm not going anywhere."
My throat tightens.
"I'll keep showing up. I'll keep trying. I'll be right here, waiting in the wings, whenever you want me. Or if you ever need me."
My voice cracks. I look away for half a second, swallowing hard.
"I just—I'm just so sorry I said those horrible things."
Claire's hand lifts, and her thumb brushes under my eye. I hadn't even realized I was crying, but she wipes the tear away gently.
"Julian, you hurt me terribly." She says. I close my eyes, bracing myself for her rejection, for the moment I break and have to figure out to do with the rubble left.
"I do forgive you."
I freeze, my eyes popping open.
"What?"
She meets my gaze.
"I forgive you, Julian."
The words hit like something breaking open inside my chest. Relief, shock, and hope swirl though me all at once.
"Claire." I laugh, breathless, disbelieving. "You...really?"
She nods.
"Then stay," I say immediately. "Stay."
Hope rushes in too fast and too strong, my mind is racing.
"Just...stay here with me. Please."
She shakes her head.
"No," she says gently. "But..."
I hold onto that the 'but' and try not to let the 'no' crush me.
"But?"
"I'll come over," she continues. "All the time."
My heart stutters.
"And," she adds, a small smile tugging at her lips, "we can try. You can take me on proper dates now."
Everything in me lights up.
"Yeah?" I ask quickly. "Tomorrow night?"
She laughs, the sound soft and full of warmth.
God. It hits me square in the chest.
"Yes," she says.
I nod, already stepping back, already reaching for her bag and handing it to her.
"Tomorrow," I repeat.
She takes her bag and gets into her car. But she closes the door, she looks at me one more time, full of something new. An understanding of who I am trying to be.
When she drives away, my chest still aches, but it's a different ache than before. I have so much hope it's overwhelming me.
Claire has given me the opportunity to earn her back.