Chapter 11
SCARLETT
There was magic here. In all my life, I’d never seen anything as beautiful as the Smith River.
The rush of the river enveloped us as we floated past the sky-high and colorful cliffs. I understood what Luke meant now—we were in a world apart.
We’d been floating for about an hour. The cliffs had been like a gate early on, both sides dropping straight to the water and disappearing beneath its rolling surface.
But as we’d traversed turns and small bunches of rapids, they’d retreated, giving way to a shoreline filled with lush, green grasses, leafy bushes and thick evergreens.
“I’ve never seen any place like this.” I’d told Luke the same no less than five times as he rowed.
“This was my parents’ favorite place to float. They did this trip on their honeymoon, ages ago.”
This would be the perfect place to lose yourself in love with a new spouse. There was privacy. Adventure. Just two people alone somewhere in Montana.
I tipped my chin to the sky and let the sun warm my face. The air was cool and it, along with the slight spray from the water, kept me from getting too hot.
Would we sleep under the stars? Had Luke packed a tent? Had he brought sunscreen? I shoved the questions aside, wanting to live in the moment.
The questions, the worries, would take care of themselves. I’d been peeved at Luke for not telling me about the FBI and the Warriors, but I understood why he’d done it. And the truth was, he’d made the right decision.
With nothing to do most days, worrying about them would have driven me insane.
“When I lived in Chicago, I was always worried about tomorrow,” I said.
“What would happen to my mother tomorrow? What would I wear to appease Dad? Would he be in a good mood? A bad one? I don’t think I even realized how much I worried about the mundane things until I left.
Not that my worries disappeared after Chicago.
They just paled in comparison to their replacements. ”
Would my mother survive my disappearance? How would I find Jeremiah? What if he and Presley didn’t want to see me?
“What do you worry about now?” Luke asked.
“The Warriors. The FBI. But mostly, I worry about Presley. About our relationship. What I did to her was . . . unforgiveable.” I showed up and took Jeremiah back. He’d ditched their wedding, for fuck’s sake, because of me. Afterward, I’d been scared to face her. To admit that I’d been jealous.
She’d left home. She’d chased her dream.
While fear had ruled my life.
But I missed my sister, so much it ached.
“Think she’ll ever forgive me?” I whispered.
“From my seat, I don’t believe that Presley thinks there’s anything to forgive.”
Oh, there was. I’d seduced her fiancé because I’d convinced myself that he still belonged to me.
Jeremiah had been my first and only. After we’d broken up and he’d moved away from Chicago, I hadn’t wanted to date. Too many questions. Why do you still live at home? Why do you spend all your free time with your parents? Where did you get that bruise on your arm?
I’d stayed single, dodging any guy who showed even the slightest interest. So when I’d left Chicago, only two people in the world had known what I was running from—Presley and Jeremiah.
I’d made the wrong choice.
Jeremiah hadn’t been hard to find. There’d been a woman on the bus who’d sat across from me. I’d confided in her that I was going to Montana to look for my old boyfriend. She’d whipped out her phone and five minutes later, she’d found his Facebook profile.
When I’d shown up at the Warrior clubhouse in Ashton, Jeremiah had been shocked to see me. For a brief moment, it had just been us. Unchanged. Kids who thought there was enough love between them to beat all odds. To last a lifetime.
But that moment had faded fast as reality had come crashing in.
“I came to Clifton Forge once, about a month after I left Chicago. The guilt had been eating me alive,” I confessed. Something about the surroundings made it easier to let the secrets free.
“What happened?” Luke asked.
“Once a coward, always a coward.” I sighed.
“There was this woman at the Warrior clubhouse who was nice to me. She was one of the girlfriends. I told her I wanted to go see my sister and she let me borrow her car. So I drove over to see Presley, but when I got to town and parked on the street by the garage, I couldn’t do it.
I went to a bar to try and work up the courage. ”
“The Betsy?”
“I think so. I didn’t pay much attention to the name. I stayed for a while, sitting alone. There was this drunk guy who kept staring at me. Pointing at me. Probably because I have my sister’s face. After a while, it started to freak me out, so I left.”
By that point, Jeremiah had called me a hundred times, begging for me to come back to Ashton.
I’d made the wrong choice again.
“I’m going to tell you a secret,” Luke said.
“What’s that?”
“Presley got married.”
I blinked, sure I hadn’t heard him right. “What?”
“She got married to Shaw last month. It was a low-key thing. They flew to Vegas and spent a couple weeks in California.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I wanted you to hear it from her.”
My forehead furrowed. “Then why are you telling me now?”
“Because you’re beating yourself up and that’s not what Pres would want. Yeah, maybe you should have done things differently. But Scarlett, I can tell you with certainty that the best thing that’s ever happened to Presley was not marrying Jeremiah. Stop punishing yourself.”
My shoulders slumped. Easier said than done.
“She loves you,” Luke said. “She’s happy.”
“I just want to see her again. To tell her I’m sorry and make it right.”
“You will. I swear, we’ll figure out a way to give you back your sister.”
At the moment, it felt like an impossible feat. Like climbing the cliffs around us without a rope. “Thank you for telling me about Presley and Shaw.”
He nodded. “You have to act surprised.”
“I can do that.”
We were quiet for a while, Luke rowing while I took in the scenery.
“It’s my turn to say something,” Luke said, breaking the silence. “It bothers me when you call yourself a coward.”
I flinched at the bite in his words. “Oh.”
“Don’t discount who you are, Scarlett. You’re strong and courageous. Your life might be strange at the moment but remember how far you’ve come. I’ve seen people in your situation. People who’ve never broken free.”
“Like my mother.”
“Yes. And you’re not your mother.”
I studied his face, the stern sincerity.
Luke was like a mirror. When I looked into his blue eyes, I was reflected there. I saw the way he saw me.
It was a glorious image.
False, but glorious nonetheless.
“How will we get to the truck?” I asked, ready for a lighter subject.
“A shuttle service. I left my keys in the gas cap. They run vehicles from the drop zone to where we’ll haul out.”
“Ah.” I nodded, once more looking around. “How far will we go today?”
“Not far. We’ll float for another couple of hours, then stop to set up camp. There’s no rush any day. We can sleep late. Float for a few hours and camp at our leisure.”
“Sounds good to me.” I wanted nothing more than to slow down. Not for my sake—I hadn’t done much of anything lately—but for Luke. He deserved this trip and the chance to unplug from the stress of his job. And the stress of me invading his life.
“This place really is breathtaking,” I said, soaking in the surroundings. “I’ve never seen anything like Montana. Not that I’ve traveled much. Or at all.”
“My parents took me to Disneyland once when I was a kid,” Luke said. “But this type of trip was much more our speed. Have you ever been?”
“To Disney? No.” Before I’d come to Montana, my life had been confined to a small circle. My parents didn’t travel, ever.
We never took a family vacation to Disneyland or a trip to the Great Lakes. We stayed in our neighborhood and for most of my childhood, I didn’t think twice about it.
But when I started middle school and other kids would talk about a trip to Texas for Christmas or a vacation to California, I realized that my family didn’t travel. Not even small weekend trips. It had been another oddity to my life, something that had kept Presley and me apart.
My freshman year in high school, the popular girl in my class sat three seats in front of me in algebra. She bragged to her friends about a new shirt that she’d bought in California when her family had traveled there for spring break.
She was the prettiest girl at school, with flawless brown skin and a sweet smile. She’d always been nice to me. To everyone, really. The popular girls in our school weren’t popular because they were mean. They earned it the right way.
I’d wanted to be her so badly.
Her love of California had been the reason I’d chosen it when Presley had chosen Montana.
What had happened to that girl? What was her name? I’d forgotten it over the years. It wasn’t like we’d been friends.
Presley had been my friend. I’d been hers. Inviting others into our two-person circle hadn’t been an option because friends asked questions.
And my parents had taught us from the beginning, what happened in our house was not to be shared.
We don’t talk about Daddy’s bad moods, okay? That was Mom, buttoning our cardigans on the first day of kindergarten.
If anyone asks where you got that bruise, tell them it was from Presley. That was Dad, tugging a sock over my shin in first grade.
Why hadn’t they homeschooled us? That had always baffled me.
Maybe because if we went to school, people would suspect less than if we stayed home.
Or maybe it was because Dad didn’t think Mom could string two coherent thoughts together.
She was good enough to bear his children and use as a punching bag, but not good enough to teach.
Mom was quiet, but she wasn’t stupid.
School had been our sanctuary. We hadn’t had friends, but our teachers had loved us because we’d worked hard for our grades. They’d boast about how amazing a job our parents were doing.