IVY
C lint’s family was so beautiful and lively. I felt overwhelmed, but in a good way. I was surrounded by these fun, welcoming people. Clint kept touching me. His affection made me feel sexy and strong. I wanted to grab hold of this new opportunity.
Then, something broke inside me as Ford and Shay teased each other. I saw myself with Clint in thirty years. I imagined our own kids and home. That dream felt possible.
But it was also too much. Their warmth and familiarity made me feel like an outsider.
Suddenly, I was Ivy Humphreys with the troubled family. I had all this baggage. I was sick and needed to hide from the world. The real me was a loser. That person couldn’t keep Clint’s interest.
My laughter sounded maniacal. I felt panicked, like when the men showed up at the house. Everything went so quickly from quiet to loud. I thought I could hide from danger. I went to my room, locked the door, and thought I was safe. That was the Ivy I was then and the one I was now.
My laughter turned to sobs. I wanted so badly to be like these people. For a moment outside, with Clint touching my tattoo and the others seeming so impressed, I thought the wild part of me could become more than a temporary mood I embraced.
Except none of that was true. Soon, Clint would realize I was fake. It’d be just like when that cool girl ghosted me after I embarrassed her by puking after the tattoo. No matter how much I tried to pretend I was normal, I always gave myself away.
“Clint, let me,” Shay said when I dropped my ass to the ground and cried in my hands. “I have a mama’s touch. You’ll just make her horny.”
Ford nodded. “She isn’t wrong, son.”
Shay’s arms wrapped around my body, tugging me against her. She wasn’t a big woman, but everyone was bigger than me. I felt small and fragile. My mom’s voice returned to me.
“You’re sick. You can’t be like other people. If you push yourself too hard, your heart will give out. Then, where will I be?”
My mom wasn’t a monster, but something broke inside her when she had me. I wasn’t what she dreamed I would be. My mother’s disappointment made me cry harder.
My family was gone. Uncle Linus might as well be dead. He was out of my life now. Uncle Dwight had died alone, just like my mom.
If I tried to be like the foxes, I’d also end up dead. Geraldine was right. I was fragile.
I hadn’t cried like this since my mom’s death. I forgot how exhausting it was. Soon, I fell silent and rested my head against Shay’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as she handed me a tissue.
“It’s difficult starting over. I had a lot of help when I moved here, but I was still overwhelmed.”
Feeling selfish, I twisted around so I could hug her longer. As Shay wrapped me tighter, I pretended her arms could keep me safe from the realities of the world.
The heaviness in my chest eased as Shay stroked my head. I missed my mom, even if our relationship had been dysfunctional.
After hiding against Shay for what felt like too long, I opened my eyes and found Clint squatting in front of us. His beautiful gaze made me believe he was worried rather than angry.
“I was alone for too long,” I explained. “I’ve talked to more people today than I have in the last ten years.”
“Do you want me to tell them to back off?”
“No, I want you to make me strong enough to handle it.”
Clint grinned. “Well, I don’t know how to do that.”
“Boss me around. Order me to get stronger.”
As Clint chuckled, Shay stroked my head. “Clint doesn’t like playing the bad guy role,” she told me. “He prefers to manipulate people so they think they’re in control.”
Clint nodded. “That’s why the foxes follow me. Anyone who tried bossing around Elle and the rest of the foxes would suffer an all-out mutiny.”
“Strong men will submit in a way strong women won’t,” Shay said. “That’s why Tricky won’t let foxes in his club. He doesn’t have the balls to get any pushback.”
“I’m not strong. It’d be easy for you to make me submit,” I told Clint. “Use your magic on me.”
“Well, first off, you need to remember this is day two. You’re jumping ahead again to where you need to keep up with the loud-mouthed people around you. Instead, you should focus on simply getting through today.”
“Okay.”
“Secondly, you need to enjoy my mom’s hug for a little longer. Shay’s clearly jonesing on having someone to cuddle.”
“Elle hasn’t been this size since she was ten,” Shay said and cuddled me tighter. “And Sutter says he’s too old to get snuggles.”
“No one is ever too old,” Elle declared and leaped across the couch to grab Sutter.
The boy yelled out, “Oh, God, no!”
Ford’s loud snort of amusement sent the dogs barking and running to the front door.
“They want to be badasses so bad,” Clint said, chuckling as he settled next to me on the floor. “Did you ever see the second ‘Jurassic Park’ movie with the tiny dinosaurs?”
“They’re called Compsognathus,” Sutter said while Elle pinned him to her body. “Mom got killed by them in the LEGO game.”
“I struggle to punch small things,” Elle told him before smiling at me. “That’s good news for you, Ivy.”
Grinning, I looked at Clint. “I saw that movie.”
“Well, those little guys couldn’t do much on their own. But in a pack, they could take down an extremely dumb adult. I feel like the Chihuahuas are the same way. With a stupid or drunk adult, they’d be a fierce pack of predators.”
I watched the dogs who had realized no one was on the porch. They still randomly barked and bounced around, hoping for a target.
“Little doesn’t mean weak,” Clint said, trying to build me up.
“What happens next?”
My voice broke as I considered how exhausted I already was today. I didn’t know if that was normal. Was I weak from stress, or was my heart acting up?
I couldn’t share my medical baggage with Clint yet. If he knew my body was defective, he couldn’t help rethinking his decision to claim me into his life.
Scooting closer, Clint reached over me to pat his mom’s head before stroking mine.
“In a few minutes, you’ll move to the couch. Dinner will be here in an hour or so. Lula should return soon with her daughter and Bebe’s foster kids. Dillon is a nerd like Sutter. The foster kids don’t want to talk to people. There’ll be zero drama. When we eat, you’ll sit next to me. If you want to talk, go ahead. If not, just listen to everyone. No pressure. We’ll stay until around eight. Then, we’ll drive back to the condo.”
Wiping my eyes, I exhaled deeply. “I feel stupid for crying.”
“Never hide from me,” Clint replied in a steely tone. “And I promise I won’t hide from you.”
“Aww,” Shay said and smiled at Elle, who was no longer cuddling with Sutter and had moved to the front door where the dogs still waited.
I sat between Shay and Clint for another few minutes, just like in his plan. Not long after I moved to the couch, the two dogs got someone to bark at when Lula arrived with Dillon, the foster kids, and another Chihuahua.
The three dogs strutted around like they were badasses. I didn’t blame the little furballs for working together to find respect. Being tiny wasn’t easy. Clint was right about how the dogs were more intimidating as a group.
Sick of feeling scared and weak, I hoped to find my power now that I was surrounded by Clint and his people.