CLINT
I vy’s meltdown felt more real than when she was trying to get me into bed earlier. I kept sensing she was forcing herself to live out her old dreams rather than processing what the fuck happened to her over the last week. Though I hated to see her cry, I knew a breakdown or two was part of the deal.
After Lula, Dillon, Elijah, and Jenan arrived, Ivy stopped hiding on the couch. She wanted to be part of the group, yet she mostly shuffled behind Shay and Bebe in the kitchen.
“She’s nuts,” Ford told me as we stood in the family room and watched the women fuss with the dishes. “Certifiably wacked.”
“She has good reasons to be upset.”
“Don’t get your lady drawers in a bunch, son. I’m not saying you shouldn’t keep your travel-sized girlfriend around. I only want you to recognize how it takes a very special kind of man to handle a woman with bats in the belfry.”
Knowing where this conversation was headed, I muttered, “Shay isn’t nuts.”
“She was when we met,” Ford said, gesturing at my mom. “Completely bonkers. But I handled her, and she’s almost normal now. One day, that could be you and your tiny cuckoo.”
“Is this your way of saying you approve?”
“I wasn’t sure what kind of woman would keep your interest. I thought it might be a nerd like Lula. I prayed it wouldn’t be a nasty bitch like one of those broads from the ‘Bad Girls Club’ shows that Elle watches. Well, occasional catfights might be entertaining. But long term, I didn’t want a dangerous psycho raising my grandkids.”
“And your thoughts on Ivy are?”
“She’s right about how to season food. I’ve decided she can stay.”
Grinning at his bullshit, I admired Ivy with my mom. Shay was a sucker for underdogs, but she also had a good sense for shifty people. During the first few years with her employment agency, she tried to help many women who turned out to be liars, cheats, or flat-out dangerous. After a while, Shay could tell a woman’s type as soon as they walked through her front door.
Right now, she and Bebe were regaling Ivy with stories of their many burned meals.
“I ruined Thanksgiving once,” Shay stated proudly.
Without missing a beat, Bebe declared, “I ruined a romantic dinner for Pax.”
“Big deal,” Shay replied immediately, having heard this story a dozen times. “Thanksgiving is once a year, and I botched it hard.”
“I remember the meal, and it was truly awful. But my steaks were so overcooked, we couldn’t even cut into them.”
Shay shook her head. “You could still eat the side dishes. I ruined those, too.”
Ivy glanced at me and grinned at how they were arguing over who sucked most as cooks. She finally understood why overpraising Shay’s cooking wouldn’t work. My mom was rather proud of her mediocre kitchen skills.
“Why aren’t you helping your mother?” Ford asked Elle, who was resting stretched out on the couch next to where Sutter read his tablet.
“I’m doing my Kegels.”
“Do I want to know what that is?”
Elle smiled at our father and murmured, “It might haunt your dreams. Though if it makes you feel better, Mom does them, too.”
Ford looked at me for guidance. Despite knowing he didn’t really want to know, I was curious why Elle was doing them.
“Isn’t that exercise meant to keep your lady bits tight?” I asked my sister.
“Yes. I don’t want to get droopy in my old age.”
“No, she’s got a crush on a guy,” Sabrina said as she entered the house just in time to poke at Elle. “She’s getting her nether regions ready to play.”
“I’m sitting right here!” Sutter cried full of exasperation.
Sabrina shrugged. “I see you, little man.”
“I wasn’t implying your eyesight was the problem,” Sutter replied, making Elle snort. “Are there Kegel exercises for a person’s social skills?”
“I will not be talked down to by a man,” Sabrina sneered. “Right, Dad?”
“Don’t let anyone put you in a corner!” Pax yelled through the open back door. “Live free, pumpkin!”
Bebe looked ready to interfere in her man’s advice, but decided she would rather brag about something else she burned.
“Roy’s birthday cake was inedible,” she said with a big smile. “We had to go to the store and get one of those fancy cakes instead.”
Ivy smiled full of wonder over the wacky shit my mom and aunt were bragging about. She glanced at me, looking for reassurance. I could almost feel her asking, “Was I wrong to admit I know how to cook?”
After I shook my head at her unspoken question, I offered her sexy little body a loving look. Ivy instantly blushed and stopped second-guessing herself.
“Stop eye-fucking your woman and put Sabrina in her place,” Ford insisted.
“Hey, I heard that!” Pax yelled full of rage despite his clear disinterest in standing up and moving his ass inside the house. “Don’t hassle my girl!”
“Yay!” Sabrina hollered at Ford.
Ford glared down at her. “You’re not too old to put over my knee.”
“Dad, he’s threatening to spank me, and not in a sexy way, either.”
“Well, I would hope he doesn’t want it to be sexy,” Elle said and glanced at Sutter. “You were born into the good side of the family.”
Sutter looked around unconvinced and then shrugged. “Um, okay.”
“Don’t listen to the boy,” Ford insisted. “We’re better in every way. I hooked up with Shay first. That means we’re winners.”
“We had more kids!” Pax yelled into the house.
“If you want to challenge me, stand up and waddle over here, old man!”
“No! You’re all coming out here soon! No way am I giving up the best deck chair!”
“I’ll hold it for you, Dad,” Vanessa offered immediately. “Now, get in there and remind Ford who’s the better brother.”
Pax jumped up from his chair and came strutting into the house. My dad instantly grinned at his brother’s attitude.
“I had a kid before you even met Shay,” Pax said and poked his finger in Ford’s face. “There it is. I win.”
Ford opened his mouth to use logic. His gaze flashed to Lula standing nearby, daring him to say something about how she wasn’t Pax’s real daughter.
“Sure, buddy,” Ford replied and patted Pax on the head. “Do you want a sucker now?”
“Stop flirting with me,” Pax muttered and walked to the kitchen.
“I won that,” Ford told me.
“I’m proud of you,” I replied, making him laugh. “I’m going to go stand with Ivy.”
“Stay with me, boy,” Ford said and grabbed my arm. “You’ll be fully whipped soon. I can’t even begin to imagine how annoying you’ll be once that miniature lady gives you a pint-sized kid. Best to entertain me now before it’s too late.”
I smiled at how my dad had already accepted the inevitability of my future with Ivy. If I had a reputation for impulsive or dumb moves, I wouldn’t receive such flexibility. My family would keep Ivy at a distance and wait for me to come to my senses. All my years of playing things smart and cool were paying off once again.