CLINT
I pulled up to my parents’ place to find Ivy wasn’t around. Ford sat on the front porch like a bored kid waiting for his mom to come home and give him something to do. I took the spot next to him and admired the mild day.
“Your woman’s got problems,” Ford told me as he nursed a beer. “Health issues. They’ve been at the hospital checking her out. I wasn’t supposed to tell you. But Shay texted to say they were coming home and everything was fine. I figured there was no harm in letting you in on the secret now.”
“Hospital, huh?” I said, looking at my phone and wondering about Ivy’s secrets.
“They do the tests faster that way. Your mom called important people to make sure Ivy got seen today,” Ford explained and chuckled. “I love when Shay throws her weight around like that.”
My parents took different paths as they reached middle age. Ford had lived a rough life since he was a kid. All those brawls came home to roost once he hit a certain age. On cold days, he shuffled around like his body might shatter if he moved too quickly. Today, he stretched out like he was feeling fine.
Meanwhile, Shay was a wife and mom for most of her life. She basically raised her brothers before she was even an adult. After they were grown, she remained focused on the home, caring for her husband and kids.
These days, though, she attended business meetings and took part in local activities. She didn’t scare anyone like Lula did, but she knew who to call to make people afraid.
I tried to imagine what Ivy and I would be like in thirty years, but I didn’t know her well enough to see that far ahead. I wasn’t totally sure what next week would look like. Her keeping her illness secret had messed with my head.
“I’m meeting with the Black Rainbow club next week.”
“Be careful with Zodiac,” Ford said immediately. “He’s got swagger. There’s something showy about him that makes you think he’s weak or full of shit. But the guy can fight. He moves sneaky like you do.”
“You still got him good in the knee.”
“Yeah, but I was aiming for his fucking head,” Ford muttered, glaring at his beer bottle. “The guy was too damn fast, so I changed tactics. If he starts something, you need to stay flexible with your attack moves.”
“What if he wants an alliance?”
Ford studied me. My father ran his life by his gut. He was a force of nature. That was why he never wanted to call the shots.
For years, his life was small. He loved his brother and liked being part of the club. Later, he added Shay and my uncles to the mix and then Bebe and Lula.
Ford grew tighter with his club after Joker was in charge. His bonds got tighter, but his view of the world remained the same. Ford Reed was a man who only cared about his people. The bigger picture was never going to interest him.
“What would an alliance offer you?”
“I don’t want to rule the world,” I said, and Ford nodded in agreement. “I just want to ride with my club and control my territory. I can swallow some shit to keep Tricky happy. I don’t need him to disappear for me to survive. So, I could leave things the way they are.”
I glanced at Ford and remembered when I was a kid. He’d sometimes enter the house like the devil was on his tail. I was terrified when he acted that way. I knew his life was dangerous. He often came home with cuts and bruises. But those days, when he looked afraid, were what really scared me.
Yet, as soon as Shay entered the room, his crazed energy would drop away. My father clearly feared someone had stolen away his reasons for living.
Now, as a grown man, I saw how violence and danger could drag a person down and make them doubt anything good existed. Ford needed to see the woman he loved to remember how he was more than a guy with a bat. She kept his heart safe and his mind sane.
When I left Ivy this morning, I thought we were on our way to a similar bond. She spent the night in my bed. We had a nice breakfast. I learned to adjust my routine to fit her needs. She seemed excited to spend time with my mom and sister. We fooled around on the couch. There was already a familiarity about our time together.
Yet, now, we were back to being strangers. My uncertainty about Ivy made me doubt this meeting with the Black Rainbow Motorcycle Club.
“I want every day to be predictable,” I told Ford after we sat for a few minutes. “I like the comfort of my routine. I know where my people are and if they’re safe. When I think like that, there’s no reason to deal with Zodiac and his crew. I have Tricky, if I need numbers.”
“But?”
“But thinking too small would be a mistake. If there’s trouble brewing, even if it’s from the Black Rainbow club, I’d best know about it. So, meeting with this guy could tell me if they’re planning to cause us trouble. Or he might prove to be useful. But it’s better to know than to wonder.”
“Men carry a specific burden when they want to live up to their fathers. Tricky suffers from that problem. I’m glad you don’t. It keeps your head clear.”
“But I do want to live up to you.”
“Not really. Ever since you were a kid, I knew you’d want more than to take orders. You always needed to understand why things happened. That was never me. I used to think maybe you’d have a hard time with that pressure on your shoulders. If it was me in charge, I’d be stressed all the damn time. Shay and I almost didn’t have Elle because worrying about you was a full-time job. But you’re wired different than I am.”
“These club things don’t rattle me. But not knowing what’s going on with Ivy is making me feel weak and stupid. I want to control the situation. Except if I squeeze her too tightly into a box to fit what I want, I’ll always wonder if she only stayed because she had no choice.”
“I’m going to be completely honest about your tiny girlfriend now, okay? Don’t cry if I hurt your feelings.” When I only frowned at him, he continued, “She isn’t built for this life. Even if she wanted to be a badass, she’s too damn little to get anything done. Just like Hanzee trying to fight a bigger dog, your girl’s bound to get squished. I suspect she’ll wake up one day and realize how she can’t be like your sister or the foxes.”
“I don’t need her to be.”
“No, I guess you don’t. But I think when she wakes up to the reality of your life and her weaknesses, she won’t be able to walk away. Because Ivy isn’t falling for a biker. She’s falling for you. Whatever you do will be enough to keep her.”
“Thanks,” I said and smiled at my dad. “It’s difficult to know what’s right when you’re inside the problem.”
“Just follow your gut. Years ago, there was no reason for me to get involved with your mom and make her a target. I should have kept my distance until things settled down. But I’m glad I was an asshole and did what I wanted. Your mom was a good mistake to make. I think this girl could be the same way for you.”
Ford’s words still lingered between us when Shay’s SUV pulled into the driveway. A weaker man would have leaped to his feet and rushed to Ivy’s door. That’s why I remained on the porch and let her come to me.
Her gaze seemed cagey at first, like she was trying to figure out my mood. I was a little offended by how she didn’t trust me. After all, I was the guy who wrapped her up in his protection as soon as we met.
Three days ago...
I kept forgetting that part. We were new. That’s why I hadn’t thought about taking the truck this morning. Switching gears in life took time. Ivy didn’t know me well enough to truly trust me.
“How was the doctor?” I asked, guiding her into the house and away from my parents and Elle.
“I was born with a faulty heart,” she blurted out. “I needed surgeries.” Ivy gripped the front of her shirt and stared panicked into my eyes. “I have scars. I thought my heart was still bad, and I couldn’t be with you.”
Her words made my own heart beat too fast. I thought of her on the back of my motorcycle and how I had her walking to the buffet. Had I been pushing her too hard from the moment we met?
“That’s why my mom kept me hidden away. She said I was too fragile to live a normal life,” Ivy said before her eyes widened and she bounced on her heels. “But the doctor said my heart looks okay. I’ll need to go in for regular checkups like I did before Geraldine died. But otherwise, I’m okay.”
Still processing her announcement, I asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I wanted to be normal,” Ivy said, losing her excited vibe. “After Geraldine died, I got my tattoo. I used online courses to learn kickboxing. I pushed myself, but I was still stuck at the mansion. Now, I can be normal.”
Unable to shake my worry, I wanted to ask my mom if Ivy was okay. I worried the woman in front of me could be lying to get what she wanted. And as much as I wanted to give Ivy a fun life where she could be whoever she wanted to be, keeping her safe was more important. I couldn’t be an accessory to her death.
“What exactly did the doctor do?”
“A bunch of tests on my heart. He said everything looked okay.”
“Did he say those words?”
Ivy hesitated and studied me. “He said I should be able to live a normal life.”
“Should but not will?”
Ivy was already a petite woman, but she got downright tiny when I refused to bow to the doctor’s wisdom. I was ready to apologize, even if I’d mostly be lying. I had a right to be worried. Ivy was my woman. I wanted to grow old with her.
Before I spoke, Ivy stopped shrinking and stood tall. “Your mom said you have scars. Someone stabbed you.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, wondering where this was going.
“Your life is dangerous, but you want me to accept that’s how you choose to live. Why can’t you trust me in the same way?”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“That’s true. Your thing is worse. You choose a dangerous job and lifestyle. I had no say in being born prematurely with a faulty heart.”
“No, I suppose you didn’t,” I murmured, taking a long gaze at her small yet sexy body. “But would you really want a man who didn’t worry about his woman?”
Ivy offered a little smile before thinking I was tricking her. “I don’t want to hide anymore. Being with you makes me happy, but I can’t have you lock me away for my own good.”
“Are you really worried about that after I’ve spent days forcing you to meet people and get out of the condo?”
Though Ivy’s eyes warmed with affection, she was also watching me like I might be a problem.
“I want to do fun stuff.”
“Okay. But only if the doctor said it’s safe.”
“No.”
Feeling like I was catching her in a lie, I asked, “Because he didn’t say it was safe?”
“No, because you should care about what I want and not what the doctor said.”
“What if we’re doing something fun and you get sick?” I asked and stepped closer. My fingers reached for her cheek, but Ivy pushed them away. “What?”
“You’re trying to trick me.”
“No, I’m seducing you. It’s different.”
“Not really. I want to have fun. I want to go places and meet people. I also want to have sex and try to have a baby eventually. I want to be normal.”
“We’ll make a deal. I won’t lock you away if you promise you’ll be honest when you feel tired or overwhelmed.”
“I’m always overwhelmed. I’ve been stuck in a house for most of my life. That can’t be a reason for you to shut things down.”
“We can discuss things when they come up. But I need you to be honest.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about your stabbing?” Ivy demanded, refusing to be distracted by my soft fingers.
Her stubbornness made me smile. I wasn’t sure I could handle a submissive soulmate. Her hiding behind me all the time would have gotten old quickly. I would have learned to deal with it since Ivy was mine. But I was relieved to see her fire.
“I forgot about the stabbing,” I said and very deliberately reached for her cheek. “We never got a chance for you to explore my tattoos, let alone my scars. That can be our goal for tonight.”
A smile warmed Ivy’s face as she imagined us back at the condo, fooling around and getting to know each other.
“The doctor said I could live a normal life,” Ivy said as I stroked her cheek. “I’m not looking to run marathons or get into MMA fighting. I just want to spend time naked with you and ride on your motorcycle and be a mom one day.”
“Will you show me your scar?” I asked as she rested her cheek in my palm. Ivy stared hard at me, considering my words. “I’m showing you mine tonight.”
“I have birth control.”
“Let’s take our time getting to that moment. There’s only one first time. We have the rest of our lives to spend naked.”
“Promise?” she asked, shuffling closer until her hands were on my chest. “I want to believe you can see my ugly scars and still want me.”
“Your scars can’t affect what’s happening between us, just like my scars won’t turn you off.”
“Your biker lifestyle does scare me. I don’t really understand it. But I know even if I hear a lot of frightening things, nothing will change how I feel about you.”
Ivy’s words held a different tone this afternoon. Facing her health issues empowered her, even if they scared the shit out of me.