Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Taz
My folks invited me over for Sunday dinner because my sister and her kids were going to be there and they all wanted to hear how I’d suddenly become a big deal.
I sat in the driveway of the old ranch house I’d grown up in, wishing I could have invited Grace to come with me.
But I’d called and left a message for her the day after I saw her at Jimmy’s and I’d never heard back from her.
That was over a week ago. I thought about texting, but I didn’t want to become the guy who couldn’t take a hint.
I stared at the last text I’d sent her, letting her know I wouldn’t be able to make it to Jimmy’s that night we met. It was only a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed like I’d known her a hell of a lot longer.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl and it was making me crazy. Instead of calling Grace, I did something equally as stupid. I called her sister.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Codie. It’s Taz. I hope you don’t mind me calling—”
“Hey, Taz. No, not at all. How’ve you been? Things must be getting crazy for you, huh?”
“Yeah, you could say that. I hear Mav is out on the road.”
“Ugh, he is. And I miss him like crazy. I swore I’d never be that girl, you know, the needy one.” She laughed. “But that’s what I am. And you know what? I’m kind of okay with it.”
I smiled. “You guys are great together.” I’d been out for dinner with them a couple of times since the night we met, and it was obvious they were crazy about each other.
“Thanks, I think so too. I heard you saw my sister at Jimmy’s the other night.”
Codie had called me out about the rude comment I made to her sister, going into over-protective mama-bear mode, until I pleaded stupidity and begged forgiveness.
“Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m calling.”
I could hear the amusement in her voice when she said, “I figured as much.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. “So, you know why she hasn’t called me back?” Before she could respond, I said, “Please tell me she’s not back with the ex. Brady, or whatever the hell his name is.”
She laughed. “It’s Brandon, and no, she’s not. She finally came to her senses and blocked his number.”
“Good.” But I wouldn’t be saying that if she blocked mine.
“She’ll kill me if she finds out I told you this, but she’s my sister and I love her, so I’m willing to risk it.”
“I’m listening.”
“Gracie isn’t like me, Taz. She doesn’t think she could handle the whole groupies thing, women coming on to you all the time just because you’re a singer and they want the bragging rights.”
I grunted. “Believe me, I have no interest in chicks like that.”
“I know that, but my sister doesn’t. In fact, she doesn’t know you that well at all.
I mean, it’s obvious you guys have great physical chemistry and you rocked her world…
” She laughed when I said nothing. “But that’s not enough for her.
She wants a guy she can really connect with, someone who’s not afraid to open up to her.
It’s probably that whole therapist thing.
Communication and trust are the most important things to her in a relationship. ”
“I get that.” I’d never been in the kind of relationship Codie described, but I could understand why someone like Grace would want that.
“She took you at your word when you said one-night stands were your thing.”
“They were. They are.” I rubbed my forehead, feeling more confused than ever. “Hell, I don’t know what I want. All I know is that Grace is different. I can’t get her out of my head and I want to see her again.”
“She’s not the kind of girl who would be happy with a casual relationship for long.
” I heard the warning in her voice when she said, “Gracie is sweet and sensitive and she gets her heart broken too easily. I’ve tried to toughen her up over the years, but that’s just not who she is.
When she loves, she loves hard, and honestly, I think that’s one of her best qualities. ”
“I can imagine.” Being loved by a woman like Grace— No, I wasn’t going to go there. She could never love someone like me.
“So, maybe you guys are just too different, Taz. Could be you were just meant to have that one great night and y’all should let it go at that.”
Not the answer I was looking for, but Codie could be right.
“I know you can’t get her out of your head, and she feels the same way, but—”
“She told you that?”
“What? That she can’t stop thinking about you? Yeah, of course. But that—”
“Then why the hell won’t she call me back?” I tipped my head back against the leather headrest, closing my eyes. “Just because she thinks I’ll mess around with groupies? That’s crazy! Why would I, if I had her?”
“Do you want her, like that? I mean, what you’re describing sounds a lot like a relationship to me.”
I rubbed a hand over my beard, trying to figure out what the hell I was trying to say. I’d never been in a real relationship. I didn’t even know if I could handle it. But wasn’t a girl like Grace worth the effort?
“I’ve probably given you a lot to think about. Just do me a favor, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t reach out to my sister unless you’re sure you’re willing to go places you’ve never been before.”
“What does that mean?” I heard what she was trying to say, but I needed to hear the words. Maybe that would scare some sense into me.
“I’m talking about dropping the tough guy act and being real and vulnerable with her. Letting her in. Letting her hear your fears, see your heart, and know who you really are, underneath all those rock-hard layers.”
“Jesus, Codie. You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“I’m not asking anything of you. Right now, there’s nothing between you and Gracie. You could just leave it at that, forget you ever met her.”
“I don’t think I can do that.” I’ve been trying for two weeks and was getting nowhere.
“Look, I’m not telling you she’s looking for a marriage proposal and to have a couple of babies. She’s an independent woman, and she’s fine being alone. She loves her career, has friends and family, and doesn’t really need a relationship.”
“But?”
“She’s a born caretaker, and she loves people.
I know she wants to be a wife and mama someday.
That’s why she keeps dating safe, stable, boring guys.
She thinks they’re the best candidates for a life partner.
But my husband is proof that the perfect husband doesn’t have to wear a suit, have graduated top of his class, or even have his shit together. ”
That gave me some hope.
“Mav is perfect for me, flaws and all. Just like I’m perfect for him, flaws and all.”
“But if your sister is looking for a guy like the one you described, I’m clearly not it.”
“No, you’re not. So, if you’re really into her, prove to her that she’s been looking for Mr. Right in all the wrong places.”
“Codie, I’ve never been anyone’s definition of Mr. Right. Sure as hell not someone as beautiful, smart, sexy, caring—”
“Would you listen to yourself? It’s obvious you’re already crazy about her! So, what are you afraid of?”
I hated these conversations, that required me to be painfully honest. “Not being the guy she needs. Not being good enough or smart enough. My career being a disaster, being a failure, and embarrassing her.”
“Wow. That mindset is really setting you up for success, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but smile. She was right. If I wanted this thing to work, I needed to start believing it could. “No one knows Grace better than you do. Do you think I could be what she needs?”
“I don’t know yet.”
I appreciated her honesty, but it still stung.
“I don’t know if you can let your guard down enough to let her in. That’s really what will make or break your relationship. That, and trust. Honesty. Letting her know she can count on you to be there for her.”
When I thought of Grace needing someone, and not being there for her, it made me crazy. So yeah, I was sure I could be there for her when she needed me.
“I wouldn’t cheat on her, Codie. You gotta believe that.” I’d never had a monogamous relationship, but if I ever promised to be faithful to someone, I would be. “And I’m not a liar. If anything, most people tell me I’m too honest, especially about my past.”
“But she’s a therapist, Taz. And she can’t just turn that off. She doesn’t just want to know that you went to jail, were in a gang, and missed out on the chance to raise your daughter. She wants to know how that made you feel, what you think about it, how it’s affected you, if it still haunts you.”
I swore softly, knowing if I wanted Grace, she’d expect me to bare my soul. I’d never done that before and didn’t even know if I was capable of it. But for her, I wanted to try.
“I feel like I’ve laid a lot on you,” Codie said. “But I just want you to know what you’re up against, so you could either pursue this thing with my sister or let it go, with no regrets, knowing you never could have made it work.”
“I appreciate that. Thanks for talking to me about this. It helped.”
“Good. And, Taz?”
“Yeah?”
“I happen to know she’s at home all night, you know, if you decide you want to swing by her place.”
“Thanks.” But did I have the kahunas to do that? In prison and on the streets, I was fearless. I had to be. So, how the hell had this little raven-haired beauty turned me into a gutless wonder?
Dinner with my family was great. I got to play with my twin nephews, who were five, and thought I was cool as hell. We wrestled on the lawn, threw the football, and played a rough game of tag that involved a lot of tripping and faceplants, followed by raucous laughter and parental scolding.
“You’re so great with them,” my sister, Rachel, said, when I was taking a minute to catch my breath while they cooled off in the kiddie pool my parents had set up for them.
“They’re easy to love.”
She slid an arm around my waist. “So are you, you know.”