Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Taz
I was finishing my workout in the hotel gym when Codie’s name flashed across my screen. “Hey girl, what’s up?”
“I suggest you either wrap it or keep it in your pants, Romeo.”
I held the phone away from my ear, staring at the screen. “Excuse me?”
Punching the button for the elevator, I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I tried to ignore the curious glances from well-dressed patrons in the lobby of the swanky hotel.
“You heard me. You must be out of your mind. Telling my sister you’re not sure you ever want another kid, yet you don’t have the common sense to use a condom! What the hell, Taz?”
I knew the Harlow sisters told each other everything, but surely the topic of contraception crossed some line.
“She told you that?” I punched the elevator button with a little more force than necessary, wishing I’d done the extra twenty minutes on the treadmill so I wouldn’t have been available to take this call.
“Yes! Now I want you to tell me why.”
I sighed as I stepped off the elevator and fished my key card out of my athletic shorts. “Codie, no offense, but this is none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t. She’s my baby sister, which means I’ll be the one to pick up the pieces if she has to deal with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy.”
Something about that word, unwanted, irked me. “First of all, your sister and I are both adults, and we can decide for ourselves…” I swiped my keycard and let myself in the room, before I said, “What kind of protection we do or don’t use.”
“You know I think you’re great, Taz. But you’re already struggling to figure out how to have a relationship with the daughter you already have. Do you really think you need to complicate your life even more, with a baby you don’t even want?”
I kicked my shoes off and sat down on the edge of the unmade bed, trying to rein in my temper.
Codie was my girlfriend’s sister and the wife of the artist giving me a shot at establishing a fanbase.
I couldn’t afford to argue with her, not that I wanted to.
Codie and I had become friends, and I wanted to keep it that way.
But I wouldn’t allow anyone to tell me how to live my life.
“Your sister is on the pill, as I’m sure you know.”
“And you should know, those aren’t fool-proof, so quit being an idiot. Besides, what about STDs and—”
“Don’t insult me by implying I would ever do anything to put your sister at risk. I love that girl. And I’d protect the people I love with my life.”
She sighed. “I don’t doubt you care about her, and I know you’d never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but you’re playing fast and loose with the rules and being reckless with her future, and I can’t allow that.”
“You can’t allow that?” I repeated. “For the record, I’m not being reckless with Grace’s future—”
“Really? Because if she got pregnant right now, she would have an impossible decision to make. She worked so many years to become a therapist, and she’s damn good at it. But being a single parent would mean sacrificing—”
“A single parent? What the hell? Are you suggesting I’d abandon my baby, leaving Grace to shoulder all the responsibility?” Now I was livid. “I didn’t have a choice when Quinn was born. If I could have been there for her, I would have been.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this, Taz. I love my sister and I’ll look out for her, whether it pisses you off or not.”
I didn’t blame her, I felt the same way about my sister. And if Rachel had been having unprotected sex with a guy she just met, I’d probably go off on the guy, and her too.
Except we were using some protection and Grace wasn’t some random woman to me. She was everything I’d never known I wanted or needed.
“You’ve made your point, Codie. And I’m not saying you’re wrong.”
“Just tell me this, if you don’t want to get married or have babies, eventually, why are you wasting her time? You know she wants a family someday, right?”
And if it wasn’t with me, it would be with someone else.
Could I live with that? Our paths would continue to cross now that Mav and I were with the same label, and would likely be working together for the foreseeable future.
And I’d have to see Grace with another man.
Wearing his ring. Loving on him. Pregnant with his baby. And it would eat me up inside.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I know you guys have a good thing right now,” Codie said, her tone softening.
“I know you’re in love with her, and she feels the same way, but you’re not a kid anymore, Taz.
You’re in your mid-thirties, and you should know by now what you want and don’t want out of life.
And if you don’t want the same things as my sister, that’s fine.
But do you think it’s fair to lead her on? ”
My chest ached when I thought about letting her go, but I didn’t want her to end up hating me if I wasted years of her life waiting on something I could never give her.
“I’m not leading her on. She knows how I feel, and she’s comfortable just taking things slow, for now. Grace is a strong, confident woman. She knows her own mind. And if she ever feels she’s not getting what she needs from me, she’ll end it. And I’ll have to find a way to live with that.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“What?”
“Are you afraid of disappointing her? Letting her down?”
“Maybe.” I didn’t want to share my deepest, darkest fears with anyone… except Grace. I couldn’t hide the truth from her if I tried.
“I know you’ve got issues to work through, Taz.
You’re messed up, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I was messed up too. So was Maverick, and my sister.
But we got the help we needed. And if you don’t do the same, you’re going to allow your past to ruin your future, with my sister, and that would be a shame. ”
I couldn’t talk about this anymore without losing it. “Codie, I gotta hit the shower. I’ve got a rehearsal in a bit.”
“Sure.” She hesitated. “I think you’re a great guy—”
“Just not the right guy for your sister.”
“Hey, I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” I heard her message, loud and clear.
I was getting out of the shower when my phone rang again. I thought about it ignoring it, but when I saw Quinn’s name flash across the screen, my heart started to race.
“Hey, Quinn. What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you have a girlfriend?”
“Uh, it never came up. You asked me if I was married, and I told you I’m not.” I didn’t need to ask how she knew about my girlfriend. Grace was featured in my profile pics. I wouldn’t have done that if we were casual.
“But you do have a girlfriend… and you never thought to mention it?”
I stared at the haunted expression on my face in the mirror. I shouldn’t feel this way talking to my own daughter. Maybe Codie was right. I did need help.
“We had one brief conversation. I didn’t have time to tell you much about my life or ask about yours. But I’m an open book, anything you want to know—”
“Do you love her?”
There was an edge to her voice that told me she wasn’t going to like the answer, but I could never lie to her. “Yeah, I do.”
“See, that’s a problem.”
“Why?”
“Because I grew up with more uncles than I can count. Mama always had a new boyfriend. And I’m not going through that crap with you. How long have you been with this chick anyway?”
My heart ached for all she’d been through. And the anger lacing every word told me she was still going through it. I couldn’t help feeling it was my fault. If I’d been there for her…
“Well? How long?”
“Uh, not long.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Here’s the deal, Taz. If you want to have a relationship with me, get to know me, I’m open to that, but not if there’s a girlfriend in the picture.”
“What? Why would my relationship with Grace have any impact on my relationship with you?”
“Gimme a break. I know how this goes, okay. If the girlfriend hates me, you want nothing to do with me. And I’m not putting myself out there just to get rejected by some stuck-up bitch who thinks she owns you.”
I closed my eyes, trying to process what this ultimatum meant. Either way, I was going to lose someone I loved. “First of all, Grace is not a bitch. She’s a sweetheart, and I think you’d really like her if you give her a chance.”
“I’m barely willing to give you a chance, never mind your gold-digging girlfriend.”
I would have unleashed on anyone else by now, but I couldn’t afford to blow my one shot at having a relationship with my daughter. If I did, I’d never forgive myself.
“Grace is not a gold-digger. She’s a professional—”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to know anything about her. Look, it’s simple. If you want to have a relationship with me, you dump her.”
I was stunned. I never imagined Quinn would give me an ultimatum. How the hell could I let Grace go now? But how could I prioritize my relationship with her above getting to know my daughter?
“Why don’t we think about getting some professional help to figure this thing out? I get that you’re pissed at me, and you have every right to hate me. But I love you—”
“You don’t even know me!”
“You’re right, I don’t. And that’s my fault. I couldn’t be there when you needed me, and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. But I do want to be there for you now, if you’ll let me?”
“I already told you what I need from you. Financial help to make my miserable life a little better. And for you to show me that I’m your top priority, by getting rid of the girlfriend, like I asked.”
I ran a shaky hand over my wet hair, trying to find the words to diffuse this situation. I needed time to come up with an alternative that wouldn’t cost me either of them.
“Well? This is a now or never thing, Taz. I won’t ask you again. And I won’t give you another chance.”
“Fine,” I whispered, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. “I’m on the road now, but I need to see you when I get back.”
“So, you’ll break up with her?”
“You’re not giving me a choice, are you?” I never imagined my own daughter would be the one to destroy my life, but since I’d destroyed hers, I supposed that made us even. And maybe that had been her intent. To hurt me the way I’d hurt her.
“No, I’m not. Glad you see things my way.”
I couldn’t even respond to that. I was disgusted. With myself. For being a man who could find himself in this position… having to choose between the love of my life and the daughter I’d never even met.
“Text me when you get back and I’ll swing by your place. Maybe we can get a pizza or something?”
“Yeah, sure.” I’ll do that… right after I destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to me.