Thirty-Two
OREN
I’m not sure which room or which view is my favorite. They’re all the same, and yet completely different. The bedroom we’re in has two entire walls of nothing but solid panels of windows. I’m just mesmerized by the entire thing.
Right now, I’m sitting in the lounge chair in our room, trying to read but too distracted by the world outside.
“I have something for you,” Adak says.
I eye the box in his hand. He pulled it out the night we got here and has left it on the dresser ever since. Honestly, I forgot about it until now.
He hands it to me. It’s not heavy, but I can feel things moving around inside. I’m not sure why I’m nervous, but I look at him, waiting for him to tell me to open it.
“Go on.”
It’s not wrapped or even tied shut. Just a wooden box. The top has a hook clasp, and it opens on hinges. Inside, the contents make my skin hot.
I recognize some things right away. For instance, the butt plug. The big, fat dildo. A tube of lube. But there are other things I’m not entirely sure what they are though I can guess what a couple of them do. Basically, I stick my dick in them. And also… a vibrator.
A shiver races through my body.
Adak sits beside me, pressing me into his side and allowing me to hide my overheated face. “I wanted you to have some toys for the moments when I’m not feeling in the mood to participate.”
Last night was the first time since we’ve been together when he said he wasn’t interested in anything sexy, but I’d been hard. I mean, there are times I’m hard for no apparent reason these days. But we were laying in bed, kissing but not… heavily, if that makes sense.
My dick was just interested.
He said that he wasn’t feeling sexy tonight. I wasn’t sure what to do at first. It’s not that I’m opposed to jerking off, but… it felt weird to leave the room. And I couldn’t stay there!
Except that’s exactly what Adak said I could do, and he’d very happily watch me. He said he’d even enjoy it. But if I wasn’t comfortable with that, I could go to the bathroom. Or he could leave the room.
I know I shouldn’t have been embarrassed, and I kept trying to convince myself not to be. Since I didn’t want to be away from Adak, I stayed in bed and jerked myself. His hand stayed on my thigh, which I was pretty sure he did just so I could feel him close. But I kept my eyes pinched shut.
It was both thrilling and mortifying. I liked his hand on me and him watching me. But… I don’t know. I just felt self-conscious and… lame.
Adak cleaned me after and then brought me back to his chest. When I was done feeling like an idiot, we kissed for a while longer until I fell asleep in his arms.
His fingers brush through my hair as I stare into the box. “This isn’t meant to place pressure on you and you don’t ever have to use them. Last night reminded me that these nights were going to happen. Sometimes more often than not.”
“Am I allowed to ask what was different last night?”
Adak guides my face to his. It’s hard to look at him when I’m filled with such doubt. “Absolutely nothing. Nothing you said or did or anything at all, Oren. It really has nothing to do with you at all. This is a me thing entirely.”
I know his words are meant to be reassuring, and they are. Mostly. There’s no doubt in my mind that Adak’s telling me the truth. But my stomach still feels sour.
“I love you,” he murmurs and my heart practically lodges in my throat.
Since the plane two days ago, he’s told me he loves me no less than fifty times.
Not even kidding. “I promise, Oren, last night was not a cause and effect. Truthfully, I’ve engaged in more sexual acts with you in the last couple weeks than I have in the last ten years. ”
My eyes shoot wide. “Really?”
He smirks, the left corner of his mouth rising into a crooked smile. “Really. I love everything about making you feel good. But that doesn’t change who I am. Contrary to what it’s felt like the last couple weeks, I’m really not a very sexual man.”
My experience can basically be summed up in one word—Adak. I’m not entirely certain the handie and head in the back of the Nutter Bean truly counts at this point. Nothing I could imagine has ever felt as good as Adak has made me feel.
But I understand what he’s saying. We’ve talked about his past and what partnership as an asexual man means to him. I’ve been surprised—definitely pleasantly—by how much he’s wanted to do that stuff with me.
I suppose that might be why last night maybe kinda sorta felt like rejection.
As if I was suddenly not sexy enough or…
I said something wrong. I know that’s not the case, but after spending my entire life as someone’s disappointment, it’s really hard not to fall into the habit of maybe believing that role.
One thing that has stayed true to what Adak has told me is that he’s not a sexual man. Everything we’ve done has been for my pleasure. He doesn’t want anything in return. He doesn’t feel the same kind of arousal or satisfaction that I do in those moments. I’ve seen that with my own eyes.
“I know last night was hard on you,” Adak says.
He cups both sides of my face. “I’m sorry.
There are times I’m not entirely sure how I feel about a situation until it’s right there, and I know that’s unfair to you.
Last night was one of those nights when I thought maybe I was into it, but I just wasn’t.
I could see your hurt, but I can’t let myself feel guilted into it. ”
“NO!” I say, trying to shake my head in his hold. “I don’t want you to feel guilty. I’m sorry I?—”
“Shh,” he says, cutting me off. “Not what I meant. You didn’t make me feel guilty.
Knowing that I kind of led you into a situation where I wasn’t going to satisfy you and then seeing the hurt cross your face, knowing I put it there, I felt guilty for making you feel that way. For putting us in that position.”
“Oh,” I say.
“But I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Adak says. “I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I didn’t think anything I said last night was going to make you feel better at that moment, so I opted just to hold you and explain today.”
I nod, bringing my lip between my teeth.
Adak leans forward and takes my lip into his mouth. A shudder runs through me as he sucks on my lip before gently taking it between his teeth. Warmth floods my groin, making my cock twitch. A whimper escapes before I can stop it.
He smiles against my mouth. “Do you know what I think I’m going to like a lot?” I shake my head, trying to make my eyes focus on him. “Playing with these together. Teaching you to use them. Using them on you. Watching you use them on yourself when I’m not feeling into it.”
“Ohmigod,” I say, the words leaving my mouth with a whoosh.
“Again, there’s no pressure. I don’t want you to think that.”
How do I tell him I’m… maybe interested without bursting into flames? Words don’t form as I stare into his eyes, willing that he sees what I want without me having to say anything. I’m panting like a dog at this point.
“Want to see what we can do with one of these?” he asks.
I nod. Probably a little wildly.
“Do you have a preference on which one we start with?”
All of them!
I don’t say that, but considering the way my cheeks turn molten hot, I think maybe he already knows what I’m thinking.
Adak takes the box from me as his mouth seals over mine and he sucks my soul from my body. I honestly have no complaints. He can have it. I’m dead at his feet, anyway. It’s the only way I want to be. Boneless with him.
He pulls me up, his hands on my hips guide me to the bed. I’m not sure where the box went, but I’m too enraptured by Adak to look for it. My shirt comes off over my head, breaking our kiss momentarily. But our mouths crash back together almost painfully.
I touch him, pushing my hands under his shirt to feel his flexing abdominals. They’re so sexy.
“Want me to get undressed too?” he asks.
I groan, nodding wildly.
“Is it going to bother you that I don’t get hard?”
His words confuse me for a minute. I step backward to look at him, not sure I understand. “Why would it? You’ve already told me that arousal is different for you.”
He’s got me against him again, kissing me harshly. Possessively. I groan loudly into his mouth, trying to rip his shirt away so I can feel his skin against mine.
“You have no idea what that means to me,” he growls, biting my lip. I whimper. “No matter how many times I’ve made that clear before, my partners have still gotten offended when I don’t get hard.”
“That’s dumb,” I slur. Difficult to talk with one lip trapped. “That’s why you always kept your underwear on before?”
Adak nods. “Yeah. Less obvious.”
I sigh. “No. I want you to be naked. I want to touch you. If that’s okay.”
“Definitely okay.” He wastes no time shoving my underwear off and then strips out of his clothes. “Get on your hands and knees.”
“But I can’t touch you that way,” I whine.
He laughs, stealing another kiss. “I want to put this in your ass,” he says, holding up the butt plug. “Then we’ll roll you over and make you come. You can touch me all you want then.”
My god, I think I might just explode right now. I nod and climb onto the bed.
I’ve been naked for Adak countless times now. He’s had his hands and mouth everywhere. But there’s something incredibly vulnerable about being in this position. I know I’ve said I felt exposed in certain articles of clothing, but there’s nothing on this.
Adak—naked—climbs onto the bed behind me, his hand smoothing over my ass. I watch as best I can over my shoulder. The plug is on the bed next to a clear rubber tube with pokey things on the inside. It looks soft, but maybe a little threatening.
The opening of the cap to the lube isn’t an unfamiliar sound. Adak’s fingered me a few times and besides the first time when he only used his spit, the times following have been with lube. It’s cool against my skin, against my hole.
When his finger presses against me, I have the conflicting urge to push against him and pull away.
Both win, but pushing against him gets the last word.
His finger breaches me, and I feel my face contort.
Like kissing, that first moment is filled with a strange sense of eww, that shouldn’t touch.
But that feeling leaves when I feel his finger moving inside of me.
Gently at first, then a little more insistent. A second joins and I make another fac,e but this time it’s because of the brief burn as he stretches me. I’ve had two fingers before. That’s where we’ve stopped. I’m waiting for his fingers to curl.
Instead, he removes his fingers and I crane my neck to see. He’s got the butt plug in his hand now, slicking it with lube. I’m confident that thing is thicker than two fingers at its fattest point. Nerves skitter through me.
“Breathe,” Adak says, meeting my eyes as he presses it against my hole.
I try not to clench my hole, but it’s a reflex.
“Relax, sweetheart. I promise I’ll make you feel good.”
Nodding, I try to remember the exercise to make my muscles relax one at a time. Thighs, relax. Hips, relax. Asshole, stop clenching.
He pushes gently and I can already feel myself spread a little. Then a little more. It doesn’t take long to reach the point I’ve been stretched to, but it keeps coming. A new sting. I gasp, nearly jerking away, but his hand stops me.
“Okay? Want me to stop?”
I shake my head. “Don’t stop. I’m fine.”
The words barely leave my mouth when there’s a strange slurp that I feel more than hear as my body sucks that damn thing inside and closes around it. I groan because it’s pressed right against some feel good places, sending teasing trickles of pleasure up my spine and into my balls.
Adak’s hand smooths over my ass. “You should see this, sweetheart. So sexy.”
I glance back at him, but he’s already turning me onto my back. I’m aware of the thing in my ass with every single movement. It makes me whimper as I finally lay on my back. Adak is already dripping lube onto my cock as he straddles my hips.
The position forces my legs closed, making me all the more cognizant of the plug pressed against my prostate. I grip his thick thighs, touching his skin. Letting the feel of him ground me.
Then he puts that thing over my dick—the rubber tube with the little pokies in it. It glides down easily because of the lube, and I jerk against him, moaning loudly. Fucking hell, that feels good.
“Adak,” I say, my breath coming quickly.
“Feel good, Oren?”
I nod frantically. This is going to be quick. I’m not used to this kind of stimulation. Adak is slow at first, moving over my dick in measured strokes. I try to lie still and let him do what he wants to me, but I feel like I’m coming out of my skin.
In a good way, though. Every move makes the plug in my ass rub just right and every single stroke of the rubber sleeve on my cock has my hips moving on their own. It’s a cycle of pleasure that has my head spinning.
I jerk and arch and whine like no one’s business.
“Need a break?” Adak asks.
“No!” I practically cry. “Please, no. I want to come. Please.”
Adak leans over me and, as delirious as I am, my hands find their way to his stomach. Touching, tracing, scratching. With his hand on the bed next to my head, right above my shoulder, Adak shows me what that sleeve can do with quick, tight, purposeful strokes.
I’m quite confident that my brain melts as my orgasm consumes me.