CHAPTER 8 #2
"Hey, are you okay?" asked Roxy, who had just turned around to catch up with her, jogging on the spot.
"Uh-huh… uh-huh. Don't worry," Ellen managed to say between gasps for air. Roxy didn't believe it for a second. "Just a bit of a cramp. Sorry to slow you down. I think I overestimated my abilities. Go ahead, I'll catch up with you."
Roxy stopped short and looked at Ellen, a slight look of confusion on her face. "Hmm... are you a regular runner?"
She smiled, breath catching. "Nope."
"Then why are you here at 6 a.m.?"
Ellen didn't hesitate for one second. "Roxy, isn't that clear enough? I wanted to see you again, so I accepted the invitation. Refusing would have been silly, wouldn't it?"
Roxy blinked, completely thrown. Every word Ellen spoke rang with undeniable truth.
No strategy or ulterior motive. Roxy's brain wanted to go into DEFCON 1 mode and analyze Ellen's motives toward her and calculate the risks, but she remembered why Ellen was in her life.
Between the two of them, it was Roxy who wasn't there with the noblest intentions.
And it made her feel extremely uncomfortable.
"Wait… You came just for me," Roxy stammered.
"Well, duh! Is that so hard to believe?"
Yes. It was that hard to believe. At least for Roxy.
The autographed vinyl and now this, all within the space of an hour.
She still couldn't believe it because she didn't deserve it at all.
Roxy's greatest strength was her ability to prevent others from getting to her so easily.
However, Ellen proved to be her Waterloo.
Ellen put her hand on her hip, her gaze softening. "Can we walk for a bit?"
"Of course," Roxy said, still shocked and unable to say anything else.
As they began walking side by side, the run quickly transformed into something more intimate. Subtly, Roxy kept glancing at Ellen, wishing she could hide it. There was something magnetic and truly dangerous about her.
"Roxy," Ellen said gently, "I need to warn you.
I don't have many friends. I find this difficult to build new relationships.
I'm a bit particular. Sometimes I will talk or act too much, and, at other times, not enough.
My thoughts scatter, and I overthink chronically.
I have severe ADHD, and my therapist also suspects I may be gifted.
It always complicated my relationships when I was younger because I could scare people off.
Like offering a gift to someone I barely met. "
There was a certain sense of distress in her tone. Roxy couldn't help but want to hug her and reassured her she was not too much.
"I think only my sisters and my ex-girlfriend Leah can handle me. Even my five-year-long ex-girlfriend, Caroline, cheated on me. Pathetic, right?"
Roxy looked at Ellen, curious but with no judgment. "It must take a unique kind of stupidity to cheat and risk losing someone like you. Why not include me in the list of people who are willing to handle you?"
Ellen looked away, probably not wanting Roxy to see how ashamed she was of this aspect of her. But damn, how could someone like Ellen end up feeling too much in the life of someone who was supposed to love her?
She was so luminous, smart, and restless in a way Roxy couldn't describe. Yet somehow, Ellen talked about herself like she was always one misstep away from being abandoned. And Roxy found that deeply unfair.
The scariest thing about their developing relationship was the fact Roxy knew deep down she risked hurting Ellen.
She didn't know how to stay in a relationship or simply be fully present. She had never had anyone like Ellen. And now, for the first time, Roxy wanted to protect something she really wanted to keep.
Ellen turned to her, and she was blushing. Big time. "Are you offering me your friendship, Roxy Powell?"
"Of course, Ellen." A soft, unforced, and unfiltered laugh escaped Roxy. "You know, perhaps that's why I didn't notice the time slip away the other day." She was being honest, which didn't happen often.
Ellen grinned again. "I really should be on my way," she said. "There are so many tasks I need to tackle before my work begins in just a few days."
Roxy's nod was reluctant; she didn't want Ellen to leave right now. Yet, instead of saying goodbye, her mouth moved faster than her brain. "Or... we should share a cozy breakfast together? There's a nice little place not so far, nothing too fancy, but they make an excellent brew."
Ellen hesitated, then sighed, half amused. "Look, Roxy…" Her tone led Roxy straight to a “no” until… "With that charming Scottish accent, how could I say no?"
Fizzy. There was no other word to describe how Roxy felt.
***
Without resistance, Roxy guided Ellen to the cozy café on a peaceful street, undeniably showing Ellen's ease with her.
Her mind was a battlefield of warring emotions—a burgeoning excitement on one side and a gnawing guilt on the other.
When they arrived, Ellen opened the door for her, gently placing her hand on Roxy's back.
"What a wonderful world this would be if all men were as courteous as you," Roxy teased.
Ellen playfully retorted, "I suppose I was raised properly. Always treat other women the way you'd want them to treat you." The look Ellen gave Roxy was like a knife. "Or never let yourself become someone you wouldn't capture your own heart…"
Roxy felt a surge of guilt and swallowed. "Duly noted."
The waitress, spotting them, called out, "Feel free to pick any table you fancy, and I'll be with you in a moment." The little restaurant, though not packed, buzzed with activity, compelling the waitress to dart back and forth.
Roxy chose a small table near the window, where the daylight could clearly illuminate Ellen's face. Um, but why?
Every twitch and flicker of Ellen's eyes was noted by Roxy, who saw the effort Ellen made to keep her attention on the menu rather than Roxy. And then, she just couldn't fight the tension anymore. "Roxy?"
Roxy raised her head to meet Ellen's eyes.
"I'm kinda nervous with you," Ellen blurted out.
"Since my breakup, I haven't really opened up to anyone new, so I'm a little rusty when it comes to relationships.
I'm worried I might be too much, so please tell me if I am.
I don't want to mess up this new… um… you know, 'friendship.
'" As she heard the word 'friendship' in that moment, it rang with an unfamiliar falseness.
Roxy might not have been an expert in friendship, but she understood that Ellen was trying to capture something much larger with a word that was too small and overly specific.
"Friendship," Roxy echoed softly, almost choking on the word. "Right." Even she didn't sound convincing when she said it.
For a few moments, she stayed quiet, carefully choosing the words that Ellen needed to hear. "I'll try to be as honest as possible." Ellen nodded. "Ellen, I'm not 'people.' With you, I just wanna be Roxy Powell, no pressure, just enjoying the moment. I just want to enjoy this 'friendship.'"
Tears pricked at Ellen's eyes as she stood there, utterly speechless.
It was one of the most honest things Roxy had ever said to Ellen, and the ease with which she could now reveal all her secrets only fuelled Roxy's anger.
She was so eager to tell her all about everything—she didn't deserve to be lied to like that.
She was aware that speaking the truth could cost her everything, potentially even her freedom.
Ellen wouldn't stop staring, as if Roxy was the only person in the world to her right now. "Roxy, you have such a kind heart. I just wanted to make sure you knew."
Roxy froze at one of the most absurd things she had ever heard said about her. Roxy Powell, a good person? Really? Ellen would be devastated if she learned the truth.
And then, without a word, Ellen rose from her chair, her fingers brushing Roxy's temple as she ran her hand through her hair. She sat back down, never taking her eyes off Roxy. "Sorry," she said, "there was something in your hair."
The simple touch of Ellen's hand paralyzed Roxy on her skin. Roxy opened her mouth to speak, but only silence escaped. Ellen had touched her before, but this time was different; it went through her. "Thanks," she stammered.
Ellen smiled slightly. What was going on? Was she flirting?
Roxy thought so, though Ellen appeared to be perfectly comfortable with it all, and she felt the same way. It was just a simple, human, thoughtful gesture, but it had the effect of love at first sight. Something awakened in Roxy.
Roxy grabbed her cup fast, needing something solid to focus on, but she still felt uneasy inside. Her skin still burned where Ellen's fingers had touched her. With Ellen's calm assurance still echoing in her mind, Roxy was haunted by how easily Ellen had crossed the cautious distance.
They barely knew each other, but something was growing quickly between them, and Roxy felt exactly where her heart was meant to be: in a quiet Sydney café with Ellen Caldwell.
All resistance was now futile. Roxy's mind went back to Meredith's theory, a thought which hadn't crossed her mind in a long while.