CHAPTER 9
ROXY
Eight years earlier.
London, England, UK
Roxy climbed the stairs to her flat with the worst headache of her life. It felt as though someone had driven an eight-inch piece of rebar, the kind used to set curbs, straight through her skull.
Roxy was undergoing final training before her unit deployed for four months in Iraq starting next August, and the instructors weren't cutting them any slack. The fact she was an officer wouldn't make the field easier: she had to be ready for anything.
She took out her keys to unlock the door, and the moment she opened it, the scent hit her without warning. "Oh no, Mere," she shouted when she came inside. "It's not going to work. Not tonight. What's that scent?"
Meredith clearly hadn't dropped out of her new compulsion: the handmade candles from the little shop on the corner.
"Don't be a killjoy," replied Meredith, who seemed far too cheerful for Roxy's taste. "But since you asked me, it's 'After Rain.'"
"Now I understand the wet dog smell."
"Like I said, Killjoy," Meredith said, acting completely theatrically. "Come over; I'm in my room."
Roxy took off her boots and walked to Meredith's room.
She was sitting on her bed, probably working on the short film she was preparing for her portfolio.
Her attention shifted from her screen to Roxy the moment she appeared in her line of sight.
And against all of Roxy's expectations, Meredith burst out laughing.
"Wow, Rox, you look like you've been hit by a tank. "
"How nice it is to come home and receive such a warm welcome," Roxy said with barely concealed sarcasm.
"Go change and come here after. I'll give you a massage just the way you like it."
Meredith Price entered Roxy's life by pure accident on her first day at King's College.
Roxy was starting her international relations program, paid for entirely by the Army, while Meredith was beginning her film studies.
A clerical error at the college caused them to be roommates, even though Roxy was supposed to share her room with another Army student.
What a shock it was for Meredith to see a girl in an impeccably ironed uniform standing in the middle of the room.
"Oh, this is going to be a long year," she said when she saw Roxy.
"Indeed," Roxy replied. Both were convinced it would be a disaster, but it only took an hour for Roxy to fall under Meredith's spell, and vice versa.
Roxy felt like she had met a sister she had never known before. However, meeting her was the best thing that ever happened to Roxy. It allowed her to get over her hang-ups and forget about her years living with her parents.
Meredith quickly became Roxy's best friend—and maybe only friend. By the second year, they had left the dorms and found a two-bedroom flat. Everything about this flat was sketchy, but Roxy didn't care. She was home if Meredith was there. She helped Roxy start to be herself, or at least try to.
A few minutes later, Roxy returned to the bedroom wearing only panties and a robe.
Meredith was putting the finishing touches in place: dim lighting and a candle smelling better than a wet dog.
Meredith smiled at her and said, "Come on, Rox, lie down on your belly and let me work my magic.
" Because yes, Meredith was a true magician when it came to massage.
Roxy complied without further ado, and Meredith sat herself down on Roxy to give her a deep back massage. The massage oil was cold at first, but Roxy let herself drift into a state of deep relaxation. When Roxy was in that kind of state, her words flowed freely, unburdened by restraint.
Roxy ended the silence after a few silent minutes. "God, only a woman's hands can make me feel this way." And suddenly, Roxy's breath caught in her throat. She had just realized the monumental mistake she had made in opening the door to Meredith.
"Well, if you open the door for me. I've been thinking."
Roxy knew she couldn't escape this situation now. Meredith was still sitting on her and hadn't stopped the massage. So Roxy tried to divert attention with humour. "That's never good, Mere. At least for me."
"Rude. But fair. Anyway, I've cracked it," Meredith simply stated. "The great mystery surrounding you."
On the second day of their cohabitation, Meredith quickly made it clear to Roxy she was gay and fully comfortable with it. Roxy has never been in contact with queer people since she was raised in a very conservative Scottish family. So she had an interest in finding out more.
On the fifth day of their lives as flatmates, Meredith loudly declared to Roxy how her gaydar was going crazy around her. "Take my word for it, you're destined to marry a woman one day."
Roxy figured Meredith would drop her whole "Roxy's denying her sexuality" thing, but nope, she stuck with it. Even though Roxy swore up and down, it wasn't true for years. She sighed, already sensing where this was going. "If this is about the sexuality thing again…"
"It's not a thing, Rox. It's your reality waiting to be fully accepted.
" Roxy tried to get up and free herself from Meredith's grip, but Meredith pinned her down on the bed and continued her massage as if nothing had happened.
"You know, the sooner you stop resisting the inevitable, the sooner I'll stop talking to you about it. "
"Mere, I've told you before, and I'll tell you one last time. I'm not gay. I like men, okay?" Roxy's tone was close to begging.
"Come on, I saw you kissing Heather Ambrose at the party last week."
"It was just for laughs, you know, like 'Dare or Truth.' We were wasted."
"Your body language said otherwise. You were never like that with your exes," Meredith said as if it were obvious. "You had the same look in your eyes as you did for Amelia, the girl from my film history class who used to come here to study. You remember?"
"How to forget? She had brilliant hair." Roxy closed her eyes and cursed herself silently. Just that one line gave Meredith the fuel she needed to keep going.
"You make this so easy for me." She chuckled, a glint in her eye. "You also called her 'unreasonably good.'"
Roxy hesitated, surprised by her old phrasing. "Okay, that might've been a weird choice of words." Weird, but not inaccurate. "And I was completely normal with her."
"Bitch, please. You were smitten with her. You started jogging on a new route, strangely passing by her house, at the same time she was leaving for her morning class."
"Pure coincidence. My knees thanked me for that route; it was smoother with more asphalt.
" Roxy knew she wouldn't get off so easily, because it was true Amelia was a beautiful woman.
But finding a woman beautiful didn't automatically mean being attracted to her. "And I was dating Albert at the time."
"Right, in a relationship just hoping for medical assistance in dying." It became clear to Roxy that Meredith was ready for this conversation, and it was a setup. "But I did some research and found irrefutable evidence in a place you thought was safe."
"Meredith Price, what did you do?"
Roxy managed to turn her head and saw that Meredith had a broad, mischievous smirk on her face. "Don't worry, I didn't torture anyone. I just found your computer and your Spotify password."
Roxy blinked, clearly skeptical. "Excuse me? You did what?"
"That's an excellent question you're asking me there," Meredith replied. "What could I have done? Maybe go check out your listening history. And to my surprise, I found that you listened to 'Obviously' 47 times last month. One point five times each day."
"First, that song's a masterpiece. Second, how did you find my password for my Spotify account?"
Meredith ignored Roxy's last question. "It's also a lesbian anthem written by the queen of lesbians herself, Taylor Caldwell.
Whom you've also Googled at least ten times—don't deny it, I checked your browsing history.
And I'm not judging. I'm just sayin', most straight girls don't lose it over a SNARL song about coming out.
" Roxy opened her mouth, then closed it. "Exactly," she said, triumphant.
"I'm not the only straight girl with a crush on Taylor Caldwell," Roxy muttered.
Meredith snorted. "Right. But I am supposedly the only lesbian in this flat, and I know damn well you'd fight me for her."
Roxy rolled her eyes, leaning back against the couch. "Please. You'd guard Taylor Caldwell if she ever stepped within five feet of you."
"You're damn right I would," she replied, deadpan. "But you know she has a twin sister, right?" Roxy froze, while Meredith grinned as if she had just won something. "Yeah. Identical. I get Taylor, and you get the twin sister. Not bad?"
"Come on. What are the chances we'll ever get close to them?" Perhaps going along with Meredith's delusion was Roxy's way out.
"Don't be such a downer and let me dream!"
A comfortable silence settled between them, and Roxy buried her face in the mattress while Meredith continued the massage. "Mere?"
"Yes, Rox?"
"I'm straight, okay?" Roxy said, gently but firmly. "I always have been, and I always will. Please stop." She was begging this time.
Meredith smiled softly at her and said, "I'll stop. But Roxy, promise me something, okay?" Roxy turned around and looked her straight in the eyes. "Don't suppress unexpected feelings for the sake of the status quo. Please."
Roxy's eyes filled with tears. Meredith had just touched something. All she could do was nod, and it was more than enough.
And then, "Thanks, Mere."
"You're welcome. That's what best friends are for."