CHAPTER 34 #2
Things were now racing through her mind. Just the thought that Roxy—er, Roxanne—was in such a miserable state broke her heart. Sure, part of her wanted to hate her with everything she had. The problem was, she couldn't. So maybe there was only one respectable option, after all.
She took a slow, deep breath. The air stung her throat. “And if I…?” She couldn't finish her sentence. Charles didn't move. He stood there, hands in his pockets, waiting. "I can't promise you anything, Charles."
A gentler smile graced his face. "I just want you to promise one thing, Ellen: keep yourself open to being happy. It doesn't matter if it's with Roxy or somebody else."
"I'll sleep on it. Just don't tell her, okay? Don't wanna give her false hope and then disappoint her if I don't go."
"I won't say anything. I promise." Charles smiled gratefully. Ellen could see the relief in his eyes. "Thank you, Ellen. I appreciate it."
He politely excused himself and didn't hesitate, immediately making his way to where Kimberly was patiently waiting just a short distance off. Was she truly going to break the promise she made to herself just a few months ago? But deep down, she knew it was the right move.
She looked around for Jamie and found her in lively conversation with Lani, and everything showed that the two girls were fond of each other. For a few seconds, their eyes met before Jamie made her way over to Ellen.
"Is everything alright, Ellen?"
"I need you to clear my schedule for tomorrow. I have some personal business to take care of."
Ellen didn't need to say more for Jamie to understand what was going to happen the next day, but more importantly, how demanding it would be for Ellen.
"Of course. That shouldn't be a problem. Do you need anything?"
"No, thank you. Maybe just a car at 1 p.m. from home."
"It's as good as done. Um, Ellen? Can I leave as soon as we dock? I know it was supposed to take a little longer, but..." Jamie glanced over at Lani, who was still waiting nearby.
"Sure," Ellen said with a small smile. "Have fun."
***
July 4, 2025
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
That night was a real battlefield where Ellen fought insomnia.
It was just impossible to fall asleep when tomorrow, or later that day at that point, could change everything in her life.
Hours stretched into eternity as she lay rigid, eyes fixed on the ceiling, counting heartbeats while shadows shifted across unfamiliar walls.
The digital clock was mocking Ellen with its pace.
2:24 a.m.
3:17 a.m.
4:42 a.m.
6:39 a.m.
Fuck it.
She got up before her alarm and showered longer than usual. She dried her hair slowly and methodically. She needed to feel beautiful so she could stay strong, not for Roxanne, but for her own peace of mind.
She was ready to go by 7:30 a.m. Way too early to wake up a ghost.
The house was plunged into deep silence. Taylor and Jess had left for the studio before sunrise, clearly taking care not to wake anyone before they left. Ellen hadn't left her room, unwilling to explain what she was going to do today. This decision had to be hers alone.
Ellen sat in the kitchen, lost in her thoughts, staring at her cup of coffee, which had been cold for over an hour.
At 10 o'clock sharp, she heard footsteps on the stairs and a singing voice.
Blake was moving around the house, noise-cancelling headphones on her ears, repeating the lyrics to her songs, clearly not expecting to find anyone at home.
When she saw Ellen sitting there, perfectly still in the morning light, she jumped. "Gosh!" Blake pressed a hand to her chest, feeling her racing heart, then squinted at her. "Um... what are you doing here?"
Ellen, yanked from her thoughts, looked up slowly. "As far as I know, it's still my house."
"At 10:00 on a freaking Friday morning? Shouldn't you be at work?"
"I took the day off." Ellen's voice, though confident, held back a hint of something more. "I had... things to take care of..."
Blake stared at Ellen, her eyes widening in surprise before a look of curiosity took over her face. "Intriguing."
But Blake didn't press further. Instead, she headed to the cabinet to get a bowl and a glass. But before she could reach anything, Ellen's voice broke the silence. "Blake?"
Ellen's vulnerable tone caught Blake off guard, yet it was assumed in a certain way. "Yes?"
"I need you to be completely honest with me. Do you think I overreacted with Roxanne?"
Blake let go of the closet door. She turned fully toward Ellen, suddenly much more alert. "Oh. Wow. That's a loaded question for this time of day."
"I know, I just—" Ellen's words came faster now, tumbling out before she could second-guess them. "I bumped into Charles at my work event yesterday. And he… he said some things about her. She's apparently not doing great right now."
Blake leaned against the counter, crossing her arms. "Okay. And what are you going to do about it?"
Ellen met her gaze, and it was as if the coldness associated with Roxanne had warmed up a little. "I'm going to see her later today. She just doesn't know it yet."
"Oh." Blake's expression softened, understanding.
She nodded slowly. "I see." A heavy silence settled, allowing Blake to process the weight of Ellen's decision.
"To answer your question," Blake continued carefully, choosing her words with precision, "I don't think you overreacted.
You were deeply hurt, and protecting yourself was not just reasonable, it was necessary.
" She paused, making sure Ellen was really hearing her.
"But that doesn't mean you're locked into that position forever.
You have the freedom to reconsider your feelings for her, your desires, or your willingness to give Roxanne another chance. "
Ellen clenched her jaw. "But I'm not going to look.
.. I don't know... indecisive? Unstable?
You and my sisters flew in from Los Angeles.
You put your lives on hold to come and support me through this ordeal.
You even came back after Jessie's party here.
.." Her voice broke slightly. "And now I'm going to take the risk of seeing her again and getting hurt? "
Blake moved quickly then, crossing the kitchen to sit down beside Ellen. She placed her hand firmly over Ellen's, grounding her, forcing her to look up.
"Hey. Listen to me." Blake's voice was kind, but she didn't back down.
"Your sisters and I want you to be happy.
That's it. That's the only thing we care about.
" She squeezed Ellen's hand. "Yeah, maybe we took up a lot of space in your life these past few weeks.
Maybe we were overprotective and overly involved.
But we—not for a single second—would resent you for finding your happiness.
Whether that's with Roxanne or not. Whether that means giving her another chance or walking away for good.
Whatever brings you peace, Ellen. That's what matters. "
Ellen's eyes stung with tears that she'd been trying not to shed. "Thank you, Blake. I just… I think I need to move forward. One way or another. I can't stay frozen like this."
"I couldn't agree more." Blake smiled at her, that warm, knowing smile that made Ellen feel seen. "What time are you meeting her?"
"1 PM."
"Okay." Blake nodded thoughtfully. "Then here's my advice—and you can take it or leave it.
Be honest with her. Completely honest. Don't hide what you're feeling, the good or the bad.
Don't sugarcoat things to make it easier.
And let her talk too and listen. Because she's probably been waiting for this moment—the chance to explain, to apologize, to say what she needs to say—for a long time. "
Ellen nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Thank you, Blake. Seriously. I'm going to miss having you and Jessie here so much."
"If it weren't for the tour prep, you know I'd stay." Blake's expression turned slightly wistful. "But you're right—it's probably time for you to figure this out on your own terms anyway. Without all of us hovering."
"Yeah." Ellen managed a small laugh. "It's time for me to actually deal with my own life."
Blake stood up, finally returning to her quest for breakfast. But as she pulled down a box of cereal, she glanced back at Ellen with an encouraging smile.
Finally, Ellen abandoned her cold coffee and stood up, heading to her terrace for some fresh air.
As she left the kitchen, Blake called after her softly, "Hey, Ellen?
" She turned back. "Whatever happens today, you're going to be okay. You know that, right?"
Ellen smiled, feeling a genuine warmth spread through her. "Yeah. I think I do."
***
Ellen's stomach knotted as she got into the car. She gave the address to Henri, who set off without delay. Every red light seemed to last an eternity, and her pulse quickened with every meter.
"Could you turn off the music?" Ellen asked in a voice that sounded so foreign to her. The silence that followed was deafening, but necessary to satisfy her need for clarity.
Panic overwhelmed Ellen as the car entered Roxanne's neighbourhood.
"Thanks, Henri. You can drop me here," she said abruptly, causing the driver to frown.
"I'll walk. I need some air." Ellen was now two blocks away from her building, close enough to reach it, but far enough away to still change her mind.
But every step Ellen took toward Roxanne's house was a conscious choice in that direction. Her breathing was shallow, her legs growing heavier. She kept looking at her phone, hoping to find a reason to turn back, but nothing could dissuade her.
Ellen recognized Roxanne's house as soon as she turned the corner. Nothing had changed despite the passage of time.
She rang once, but forty seconds passed without a response. She stood still, listening intently for the slightest sound from inside, but she heard nothing.
Ellen rang again. Still nothing.
According to what Charles had told her, Roxanne hadn't left the house in days. So, she had to be there. She raised her hand and knocked three times on the door. Loudly, steadily, deliberately.
Roxanne opened the door, snapping, "WHAT THE—" She froze suddenly the second she saw Ellen. It was as if everything had stopped in her head.
Neither Ellen spoke nor moved, preferring to simply keep watching her.
She tried to assess the mess Roxanne was in: greasy hair twisted into a knot, a stained T-shirt hanging loosely on her frame, bare legs, sunken cheeks, and a hollowness in her eyes that hadn't been there the last time Ellen had seen her.
She was nothing like the woman she left at the Baxter several weeks ago, and even less like the one who took her to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
"Ellen?" she said, her voice cracking on her name. "How did you… how did you find me?"
Ellen didn't answer right away. She wasn't there to explain how or why. She looked her in the eyes, quietly and steadily, and asked for the only thing of importance.
"Are you going to let me in?"