Chapter Forty-Three #2
“Yeah, I got that part.” His voice was dry, but there was no judgment in it. Just concern. “What I don’t know is how.”
I took a breath, my hands twisting in the blanket. “Nano found me. In Florida.”
Oscar’s expression darkened. “And?”
“And he told me he loved me.”
Silence.
Oscar stared at me, his jaw working as he tried to process what I just said. “He told you he loved you,” he repeated slowly.
“Yeah.”
“And what did you say?”
I closed my eyes, shame burning through me. “I told him it was just sex. I told him to leave.”
“Jesus Christ, Alex.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” He stood up, pacing to the window, his hands clenched into fists. “Do you have any idea what that man has been through because of you? What I’ve been through?”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.” He turned to face me, his expression hard. “You don’t know what it was like watching him break you in that basement. You don’t know what it was like sitting there, tied to a fucking chair, while Morpheus threatened to kill one of us if you didn’t talk.”
Guilt twisted in my chest, sharp and vicious. “Oscar.”
“You don’t know what it was like watching him turn his back on you,” Oscar continued, his voice rough. “Watching him walk away and knowing it was killing him. And then you run. You steal my bike and you run, and I don’t hear from you for two months.”
“I’m sorry.”
“And now you’re telling me he found you. He told you he loved you. And you pushed him away.”
“I was scared!” The words burst out of me, raw and desperate. “I was fucking terrified, okay? He broke me, Oscar. He destroyed me. And then he walked away like I meant nothing, and I...” My voice cracked. “I couldn’t survive him doing that again.”
Oscar stared at me for a long moment. Then he sat back down on the bed, his shoulders sagging. “So you did it first.”
“What?”
“You pushed him away before he could push you away.” He shook his head.
“That’s what you do, Alex. You run before anyone can hurt you.
You’ve been doing it your whole life since Mom and Dad died.
To me, to everyone here, to Nano. You run when things get too real.
Somehow, you’ve got it in your fucking head that if you don’t get close, no one can hurt you. ”
The truth of it hit me like a punch to the gut.
“I don’t know how to stop,” I whispered.
“Then figure it the fuck out.” His voice was firm, but not unkind. “Because running clearly isn’t working anymore. It’s making you, Nano, me, and everyone else miserable.”
I looked down at my hands, my vision blurring with tears. “I love him.”
“I know.”
“I love him, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Oscar reached out, his hand covering mine. “You stop running,” he said quietly. “You stop lying to yourself. And you figure out if loving him is worth the risk.”
“What if it’s not?”
“What if it is?”
I met his gaze, and for the first time in days, I felt something other than fear.
Hope.
Terrifying, fragile, impossible hope.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admitted.
“Yeah, you can.” Oscar squeezed my hand. “You’re the strongest person I know, Alex. You just forgot it for a while.”
I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. Letting myself believe them.
Maybe he was right.
Maybe I could do this.
Maybe loving Nano didn’t mean losing myself. Maybe it meant finding the parts of me I’d been too afraid to face.
“I need to see him,” I said quietly.
Oscar nodded. “I figured.”
“I need to tell him—” I stopped, my throat tight. “I need to tell him I’m sorry. That I was wrong. That I...” I took a shaky breath. “That I love him.”
“Then tell him.”
“What if he doesn’t want to hear it?”
“He will.” Oscar’s voice was certain. “Trust me. That man would burn the world down for you. He’s not gonna turn you away.”
I wanted to believe him. God, I wanted to believe him so badly it hurt. But the fear was still there. The doubt. The voice whispering that I didn’t deserve him, that I had already fucked it up beyond repair.
“What if I’m too late?” I whispered.
Oscar looked at me, his expression softening. “Then you’ll know you tried. And that’s more than you’re doing now.”
He was right. I knew he was right. Running hadn’t protected me. It had just made me miserable. And pushing Nano away hadn’t saved me from heartbreak—it had caused it.
I loved him. And maybe that was terrifying. Maybe it meant risking everything. Maybe it meant surrendering to the one person who had the power to destroy me.
But maybe, just maybe, it also meant finding the one person who could make me whole.
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“Okay?”
“Okay.” I met Oscar’s gaze, my voice stronger this time. “I’ll tell him. I’ll find him, and I’ll tell him the truth.”
Oscar smiled, the expression rare and genuine. “Good.”
“But first”—I gestured to the tray of food—“I need to eat. Because I’m pretty sure I’m gonna pass out if I don’t.”
He laughed, the sound warm and familiar. “Yeah. Eat. Rest. And then we’ll figure out how to get you back to him.”
I picked up the fork, my hands still shaking slightly. But for the first time in days, maybe weeks, I felt like I could breathe.
Because I wasn’t running anymore.
I was choosing.
Choosing to face the truth.
Choosing to be brave.
Choosing to love him, even if it terrified me, and that had to be enough.