Chapter 8
Eight
S ybil
It’s bright and early the Sunday after the reception, and somehow that feels wrong, as if it should be raining. Storming. Flooding. The outside world should reflect the turmoil our family feels inside.
Father had an affair with mother’s sister. Arden is our half-sibling. The betrayal runs deeper than anything I could’ve imagined.
How do we deal with something like this when the person to blame is dead?
Grief and anger tangle into one unbearable ball of emotion.
This must’ve been how Ethan and Cooper felt after their mom died.
It’s hard being mad at someone you miss, hating someone you love, wishing more than anything to talk to them, to hug them, but also wanting to demand answers from them, to cry to them and let them know how much they’ve hurt you.
But you can’t.
I know I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way.
I can see it in the eyes of my siblings as we sit on Mom’s couch.
We’re in the NYC penthouse. It’s not the main family home, but Mom brought the boys up for the week.
We started out with so much excitement about the wedding reception, and now we’re ending it with a conversation none of us ever thought we’d be having.
I blame Conrad King. He could’ve found a better time; I don’t care what his excuses are. And I blame Cooper. He sat back and watched as the pieces fell into place, creating a disaster of a scene instead of the one my cousin and Ethan deserved.
No. Not cousin. My sister .
Mom is the first to speak. “I want you to know I love you, and none of this is your fault,” she says, taking the time to look us each in the eye. She often does this, like she read some parenting book years ago that told her eye contact was the key to communicating with children.
“It’s Dad’s fault,” Chandler replies, his voice breaking. “I hate him.”
That nearly kills me. Chandler idolized our father. He’s been in the dark for too long. I hate that he knows the truth, but I’m glad I won’t have to lie to him anymore.
Mom’s lower lip trembles. “Don’t say that.” She wraps her arm around Chandler. “Your father made a lot of mistakes, but he was not a bad person. He loved you very much. You do not need to hate him. It is okay to be angry. It is also okay to love your father and not like the choices he made.”
I have to look away. I can’t sit here without my face revealing exactly how pissed off I am. I turn to Arden, but she’s staring into nowhere, like her mind is somewhere else.
“How can you even say that?” Hayes asks, interrupting the moment between Chandler and our mother.
“He was a cheater. He had a child with your sister and lied about it. He let her grow up in foster care. I’m not sorry to say it, but I hate Dad, too.
The person I knew? That person was a fake. He never existed.”
What would my therapist say about this? Doctor Miranda has been with me for years, but she’s been especially helpful since Dad’s death.
I wonder what she’s going to say when I see her next week and tell her the update.
Probably something about how two things can be true.
A person can make good and bad choices, can have good and bad parts to them, can be real and fake—it all depends on the situation.
What matters isn’t what they did, it’s what I do.
How am I going to internalize this? What do I want to do? Can I forgive him?
As messed up as it might be to my brothers, I already know I have to forgive Dad. Not for him, but for myself and my own sanity. I can’t live the rest of my life hating him.
Mom doesn’t seem to know what to say, and Arden seems to have returned to herself, shifting in her seat.
Ethan dropped her off this morning and went for a walk.
This is a Laurence family discussion, but knowing him, he’s not walking.
He’s in the lobby, waiting for Arden close by, just in case.
I love that for her, I really do, but part of me wishes it was me.
I miss having somebody like that in my life.
The only one who takes care of me is me. That’s how it goes. Even with Ethan, that’s how it went.
Maybe that’s how Mom feels. Maybe Dad never took care of her the way she needed. And maybe, once she works through the pain of his cheating and death, she will be able to move on and be happier than she’s ever been. God knows she deserves it.
“There’s something you children don’t know about your father and me,” she says, taking Chandler’s hand and squeezing.
The two of them are on the loveseat. The other three of us are on the couch.
I feel like she’d take all our hands if she could.
She’s being so strong, and I hate she’s the one who should be breaking down, but she can’t.
“We told you we met in college, fell in love, got married, and had you all. While most of that is true, it’s not entirely how it happened.”
Her voice is shaking. That unmistakable tingle of warning runs down my spine. More secrets?
“Your father and I had an arranged marriage.”
The air whooshes from my lungs, shock hollowing me to nothing.
Of all the things she could’ve said, this wasn’t what I expected.
I look at my siblings and each of us are as blindsided as the next.
Chandler’s eyes are filling with tears and Hayes’s face is beet-red.
An arranged marriage is for daytime soap operas and people in other countries, not our family.
Not our parents.
“We knew of each other from the time we were very young, but we didn’t officially meet until we were in college. The start of our relationship was rocky at best, and so was the beginning of our marriage.” She looks at the ceiling and releases a long-suffering sigh.
“He wasn’t a bad guy. He was really kind to me.
He was funny and smart and handsome, but there was a big problem.
” Her face is pink, which is not a color I see often on my demure, sophisticated mother.
“He wasn’t interested in me romantically.
He saw me as a friend, and then he met my little sister.
” Her eyes flash to Arden. “It was love at first sight. He would’ve chosen her if he’d had the option, but she had a longtime drug problem and was the black sheep of the family.
Even though I loved her dearly, not everyone saw the potential in her I did.
” She clears her throat. “That your father did.”
I can’t imagine being with someone who only sees you as a friend but your sister as someone to love. It must have been so painful.
Ethan and Arden flash through my mind, and I realize I could’ve been exactly like my parents. Had history repeated itself, Ethan would’ve cheated on me with Arden, and I’d be in Mom’s shoes now, making excuses for the people I love who love each other more than they love me.
Both relief that it wasn’t me and regret that it was my mother slide through my veins.
She didn’t deserve this.
“By the time I found out they cared for each other, he and I were already married. It was doomed from the start.”
Arden is the first to speak. “I don’t have any memories of my mom,” she says. “I imagined her to be tortured, but kind. I can’t believe she betrayed you like that, Aunt Amelia. I’m so sorry.”
Mom shakes her head. “I don’t blame her. You shouldn’t, either. Your mom was a wonderful person, but you have to understand what the drugs did to her brain. I really believe if she’d been sober, none of this would’ve happened… at least not without lots of conversation first.”
Is that true? I don’t know, but fragments of a sinful kiss I shared with the wrong person come to mind. I quickly bury them, refusing to go back there.
“She didn’t try to steal him from me. In fact, she kept her distance. And I didn’t blame either of them all that much, considering our marriage was arranged. It was a sad situation. They swore they’d never act on their feelings.”
Obviously, that’s where the lies started—the real betrayals.
The look in Mom’s eyes is nothing short of haunted.
“Her drug problem got worse, and she became estranged from the family. Your father and I tried to help her, but she didn’t want it, and she disappeared onto the streets.
It was hard; you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.
So we did what we had to, and we moved on with our lives. At least, I thought we moved on.”
They had two children before Arden was born. The timeline is rife with betrayal.
“It’s not your fault, Mom,” I interrupt. “You don’t have to tell us more. We get what happened next.”
Mom shakes her head. “I want to tell the whole story. It’s important you understand.
” She clears her throat, straightening the wrinkles in her skirt.
“Once we started having children, your father and my partnership grew into more than an arrangement. We fell in love. We really did. We were happy for many years.” She swallows hard.
“I believe your father was in love with both of us. There’s no other explanation. ”
He was torn between the sisters, a tale as old as time. God, what a mess.
“I realize Arden came in the middle of me having my children. I didn’t know Greg had seen my little sister and gotten her pregnant.
” She gives my half-sister a pointed look.
“But I swear to you, honey, I don’t blame any of this on you.
You are a gift and a blessing. I’m so glad you’re here.
If anything, I blame myself for not realizing the truth sooner, for not finding you.
I’m truly sorry you had to grow up the way you did.
You never should’ve been without a family. We were here all along.”
Arden’s eyes spill over with tears, little streaks of painful truth splashing down her cheeks.
This story is the kind of bombshell none of us could’ve seen coming.
It’s confusing and horrible, but it’s the reality of our situation, and at least we got Arden out of it. Mom’s right. Arden really is a gift.
However, there’s one thing I don’t quite understand. “Why did you guys agree to an arranged marriage in the first place?” I ask.
Mother grew up in a wealthy family, and father did, too. There were plenty of prospects for both of them. They could’ve married anyone they wanted.
“My parents were extremely controlling. That’s why we didn’t visit very often while they were still alive.”
It’s true. We hardly ever saw our grandparents.
“They were hard on us girls, and honestly, I blame them for contributing to my sister’s addiction.
They had no mercy for her, no matter how life threatening it became and how much she needed us.
” A ghost of a smile lifts her mouth, but her eyes stay heavy.
“You have to understand, people who value money and power above all else will sacrifice their own children if necessary. Ours did it to both of us.” She’s quiet for a long moment, and I can practically see the highlight-reel of childhood memories running through her mind.
“I had to please my parents. There was no other option for me. It was a similar story for your father. Laurence International needed an influx of funds, and my wealthy father was willing to give them what they needed if they brought my family into their sphere of influence. These kinds of deals happen more than you’ll ever know. ”
She shrugs. “Even today, many prominent people arrange their children’s marriages. This marriage contract your father signed with Conrad? It’s similar. I guess he never learned the lesson.”
I wonder what that would be like to be forced to marry a man who was in love with my sibling.
That could’ve happened if Ethan and I were still together.
In another life, had circumstances been different, I could be the one sitting across from my future children, trying to explain away my husband’s indiscretions.
As horrible as this situation is, at least I’m not my mother. Arden is not her mother. Ethan isn’t Dad.
It’s Cooper I can’t place. I really thought he was good at heart, but his behavior recently says otherwise. He’s become his father’s son, through and through, and I wonder if the old Cooper is still in there somewhere, or if we’ve lost him forever.