Chapter 18
A week later, Tasha was lying on the hospital stretcher with a warm blanket pulled up to her neck.
She hated how cold the hospital was. She was in the pre-op area, dressed in that ugly-ass paper blue gown with the ties on the side, pretending she wasn’t nervous.
Every so often, that dull, persistent ache would pulse from her lower abdomen, a harsh reminder of why she was there.
She looked over at Juelz, who sat across from her in a chair too small for his frame, nervously bouncing his leg.
“You sure you don’t want me to call nobody else?” he asked. “You want Niyah here? Or ya sista?”
“I’m good, Jue.” Tasha said, forcing a smile. “It’s just an Hysterosalpingogram procedure, remember?”
“A what?” He squinted. “I can't even say that shit. So nah, I don’t remember you namin’ that.”
Tasha blew out a sharp breath. “HSG. Just remember those three letters, okay?”
He nodded, but his eyes lingered on her a little too long. “Still don’t explain why they takin’ you on the surgery side.”
She let out a weak laugh. “They said it’s how they do it now. Plus… I’m gettin’ some scar tissue cleaned up too, so they might knock me out for a bit.”
That was the lie.
The truth was, she wasn’t there for an HSG, a simple test for the strength of her Fallopian tubes.
She was there for the removal of one of her ovaries, because that’s where the cancer was.
Doctor Madison had assured her that she could still conceive with only one ovary, so she felt better hearing that.
Tasha couldn’t bear to see the look of sadness on Juelz's face, so she had no other option but to lie. If he knew how serious this was. How this wasn’t a test or a scan, this was her fertility being cut in half.
“You okay?” Juelz asked again, reaching out and rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.
“I’m fine,” she said. “You nervous for me or somethin’?”
“I just… I don’t fuck with hospitals. And I really don’t like seein’ you in one. This shit eatin’ me up.” He sighed and glanced at the vending machine down the hall. “I might need to get me some snacks or somethin’ to calm my nerves.”
Tasha blinked fast, trying to push the tears back down. “I’ll be out in no time.”
“Betta be.” He smiled, kissing her hand. “I’m holdin’ you to that. I hate to take out one of these doctors in this muthafucka.”
They both laughed, but hers was hollow. A nurse came in a few minutes later with soft steps and a clipboard.
“Alright, Ms. Hayes, we’re ready to take you back.”
Tasha stood slowly, and Juelz stood too. He pulled her into a hug, holding her tighter than usual.
“I love ya, shorty,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
She nodded into his chest. “I love you too, Jue.”
And then she let go… walked away… heart thudding like it knew a piece of her wasn’t coming back.
Juelz was pacing the waiting room like somebody’s damn daddy. Back and forth, back and forth, jaw locked tight and fists flexing. Every time the automatic doors swung open, he looked up, hoping it was her, fearing it wasn’t.
When the nurse finally came out, he met her halfway.
“Damn, took long enough. She good?”
“She’s in recovery. A little groggy, but everything went smoothly. You can come back now.”
He was at her side within minutes. Tasha laid there, IV still taped to her arm, eyes barely open. She turned her head when she felt him close, giving him the weakest smile she could manage.
“I told you I was comin’ back to you,” she whispered.
He sat down next to the bed, easing the surgical cap back off her forehead. “You knew to come back. I hate to be like Ike in this bitch. ‘Damn it, you die on me, Anna Mae, I’ll kill ya. You hear me, bitch?”
Tasha let out a small laugh. “You so stupid. Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”
She wanted to cry. He didn’t know she’d just had her ovary removed. Didn’t know that part of her body, part of her future, was gone. She’d let him believe it was a Hysterosalpingogram, some light test with cramping and dye, just enough to satisfy his questions without breaking his heart.
“You feelin’ okay?” he asked softly.
“Yeah,” she lied. “Just sore. Like they said. I’m good though.”
Juelz kissed the back of her hand, eyes never leaving hers. “You scared me. You play too cool sometimes, but I know you. You was shook this mornin’.”
“I wasn’t,” she said. Then a beat. “Okay… maybe a little.”
“Well, it’s finally over. Now off to more fuckin’.”
She smiled at that, but it didn't reach her eyes. He was talking about a future she’d just seen get cut in half. Every month from now on, she’d only be playing with half a deck, and he was still betting on a full house.
“Doc said I can leave in an hour,” she informed, eyes fluttering closed.
“That’s a bet,” he said, pulling the blanket up around her. “I’ll go grab your scripts. You want anythin’ else?”
Tasha gave the faintest shake of her head. “Just you.”
He paused, heart tightening at how small her voice sounded. “I’m here.”
Yeah. He was here. but under false pretenses. And as Tasha felt the ghost of a pain where her ovary used to be, she had no idea how long she could keep lying to the one person she never wanted to lie to.